Your Call: Is 19 Too Young to Relocate for Love?

holding_hands_youngphoto by Made_Underground

Dear Em & Lo,
I’m 19 years old, and have been dating my boyfriend for eight months. However, we live 3 hours away from each other.  This hasn’t caused any problems yet, we get to see each other most weekends and the relationship is going great.  We fit together perfectly in all aspects of our relationship.  Lately I’ve been thinking of transferring to the university that he attends. It wouldn’t be until next fall, but I feel like this relationship is really going somewhere.  My mom says if it’s meant to be that it will work out without us going to the same school, but I’m not sure I want to take this risk.  She also says eight months or even a year is not a long time, and I don’t agree with her.  I’ve been hearing that I’m too young to know that I’m in love, but I can tell you I have never cared for a man this much.  Should I stick it out and stay three hours away and risk the distance taking its toll on our relationship, or should I take the risk and transfer, knowing there’s always that possibility that things might not work out?
— Don’t Call It Puppy Love



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14 Comments on "Your Call: Is 19 Too Young to Relocate for Love?"


teekay
5 years 9 months ago

yea me and my boyfriend have been going out for 8 months and he lives 12 hours aways so three is no big deal im gunna move down there after doin a year of college at my school and when i get there im still not going to the same college and ill be an hour away but its much closer and ill see him more and i still will have my own seperate college experience, cuz i love this man and he loves me and we’ll do anything for eachother and its been 3 months and i’ve seen him once and we’re more in love than ever!

Katie
5 years 10 months ago

I’m surprised so many people are pushing for a “transfer” option…uproot your entire social and academic life for a 19 year old? I’m sorry but even when a young couple follows each other to school, I’ve rarely seen it work out. If it’s meant to be, it can happen later, too. This isn’t someone you’ll never run into again and won’t know how to reach out and contact.

5 years 10 months ago

There are too many variables here to be able to offer good, solid advice. What is your relationship style/history? His? How do you *both* feel about the possibility of a move? If either of you are at all prone to feeling “smothered,” that’s a big red flag right there.

Like Doug said, you need to take other things into account, like financial aid, school and program quality, and if you have other friends in the area you’d be able to hang with if things go pear-shaped.

That said…Michael was 18 and I was 19 when we met online. He lived in Minnesota and I lived in Oklahoma. He moved down to be with me (and into my parents’ house!) only five months after we met; as of today, we’ve been together for twelve years. It might not have been the objectively smart way to go, but it worked out for us.

Most importantly, find a way to spend a large, intense chunk of time together before making any decisions. If you can’t handle a month together over Xmas or summer break, you’ll have your answer.

Elizabeth
5 years 10 months ago

** I am a different Elizabeth than the one above.

So, my fiance and I started dating when we were 19 and have been together almost 4 years now. We did go to the same school when we started dating (he dropped out at one point) and “lived in each other’s pockets” as someone said above. And yes, we have had our problems related to that, but if it’s real love the distance won’t destroy it, but neither will the closeness. But I really don’t think there is anything all that wrong with you transferring schools. I mean, yes – if it’s going to put you in significantly more debt than you would if you stayed, then maybe wait it out a little longer. Also – if HE isn’t too sure about the move, then wait a little longer, maybe until next spring semester (or winter term, however your school does that).

I think you should carefully take into account both opinions, your own financial state and the difference in education levels at the two universities. And if you go through all of that and your heart still aches to be near him all of the time, then go for it.

Seashell
5 years 10 months ago

From what you say it seems like things are going ok right now. You say that you manage to see each other regularly- what’s the problem?

19 isn’t too young to be in love, but it is too young to live in each others’ pockets, when you’ve only been dating 8 months. I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 18 (I’m now 23). We went to different universities (we were 2-3 hours apart), and each had our own lives and our own friends and our own independence, whilst still keeping the relationship going. I did a lot of growing up, and I know that our relationship now is stronger and more mature because of it. We moved in together after we graduated, and have been living together nearly 18 months. We are really happy, but I think that one of the reasons that our relationship is so good now, is because we had our own lives and the chance to grow and be independent.