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Your Call: The Crazy Case of the Stray Blonde Hair

Tue, Oct 20, 2009

Advice, Your Call

blonde_hair_ponytailphoto by westerndave

When you write an advice column, you get some, shall we say, interesting questions. “How can I get our golden retriever to have sex with my wife while I watch?” Or “Can I get an STD from having sex with the corpses at the funeral home where I work?” We usually don’t dignify those toad-lickin’ crazy ones with an answer. But sometimes we get questions that are a bit kinder and gentler in the insane department that still freak us out a little. This week’s “Your Call” question falls into that category:

I recently started dating a guy and also started the NuvaRing birth control. As I was taking it out, I noticed that there was a hair wrapped around it and it wasn’t mine or anyone I knew. Everyone I know has brown hair, and this was really blonde hair. Should I suspect him of cheating? And if so, how do I go about bringing it up to him?

Um, so, what do you think?

 

5 Responses to “Your Call: The Crazy Case of the Stray Blonde Hair”

  1. RobinUncommon Says:

    Unless you leave the Nuva-Ring in an unsanitary location, I don’t see how your boyfriend would be in the vicinity of your birth control without you being there. Unless my understanding of it application is incorrect, it stays in until it’s time to be switched out, correct? You’re the one that puts the ring in straight out of its packaging, right? I find it hard to believe your boyfriend is culpable. Furthermore, what does it say about the state of your relationship that you automatically assumed your boyfriend is cheating?

  2. Conrad Says:

    Oh yeah, he’s totally cheating. There’s no way that hair falls out of people without sex being the culprit. There’s no way that it could have stuck to his clothes from sitting in public place, or bumping against someone in a subway car. He has to be cheating, there’s no other possible reason.

  3. AlanK Says:

    I’m trying to keep a straight face here, because the exact thing once happened to me…although the hair was less-amusingly located.

    Longish blond hair is very likely from a dog or cat. Cat hair will get anywhere. Really. Anywhere. Quite innocently. For now at least, give him the benefit of the doubt. Meow.

  4. K Says:

    Considering how NuvaRing works, you clearly need more hygienic methods of insertion/storage during sex (assuming you take it out). The fact that someone’s hair was in your vagina is disgusting. Wash your hands and wrap it in a tissue!!!

    I find it very hard to believe that you know and do not have contact with a single person who does not have even a strand of blonde hair. Even if all of your friends’ main color is brown, maybe they have blonde highlights. Just because your closest friends are all brunettes, what about that girl who rang you up at the store, or the person you bumped into from high school that one day? Not a single person in your world has blonde hair?

    But, say you ARE correct that you do not have contact with blonde haired people at all on a daily basis. Hair (and all sorts of other bodily components) falls off of people on a regular daily basis. You or your boyfriend could have picked up this rogue hair from sitting, brushing up against someone, or even walking near them when this hair decided to detach from its owner.

    Just because you found a hair doesn’t mean anyone is cheating. Maybe your boyfriend’s colleague is a blonde, or like I said, there’s a blonde person in your life about which you are forgetting. Additionally, just because it was wrapped around something associated with sex, that doesn’t mean the hair itself is associated with sex. You are jumping to crazy conclusions based on evidence that couldn’t even bring a case to trial.

    And like I said before, EEEWWWWW. Someone else’s hair was in your vagina. Attached to your birth control. Learn some hygiene with that thing!

  5. Black Iris Says:

    I am very confused here. If she took it out of the package and put it in, then either the company is unsanitary OR she cheated OR she thinks her boyfriend had someone else’s hair on his penis.


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