Other people‚Äôs dreams are never interesting‚Ä¶except when they‚Äôre about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
My wife and I were having a small rough patch months and months ago and she went out with some friends and met this guy, a cop.¬† He tried to pick her up at the bar and she turned him down, then she saw him again at our gym.¬† I was there with her and he wouldn’t approach her with me there — we ended up leaving the gym. Anyway, now she has recurring sex dreams about the policeman and she seems to be frustrated.¬† She is honest enough to tell me about them. Mostly they involve some instance of danger and she goes to him for help and sex ensues.¬† She wants the dreams to stop and professes her love for me and that she has no interest in this man but can’t seem to figure out why she keeps dreaming about him.¬† Any insight?
Lauri: Wow.¬† The mere fact that she is honest about these dreams reflects her complete trust in you!¬† Let me assure you, so you can assure her, that just because you have a sex dream about someone doesn‚Äôt mean you desire them.¬† Two rules of thumb to keep in mind when trying to figure out your sex dreams:
1. Sex in dreams is rarely about a physical union you want but more about a psychological union you need or have recently made.
2. The lover in the dream rarely plays him or herself but rather represents a quality they possess OR sometimes a point in time that they mark.
Without being able to talk to your wife, I have a couple of ideas about what these dreams may really be about.¬† The fact that he hit on her is very significant.¬† Obviously she wasn‚Äôt attracted to him, but she probably DID appreciate the attention.¬† His hitting on her made her feel desirable‚Ä¶ and there aint nuthin wrong with that!¬† Odds are, these dreams reflect NOT that she wants to unite his body with hers but that she wants to unite the feeling of being attractive with her psyche.¬† Sexy is an attitude, after all!
Another possible meaning may lie in the fact that he is a policeman.¬† So it may not be about the man himself that she wants but rather the ability to protect herself or police her behaviors.¬† The danger in the dream may not be connected to actual physical danger but something that is in danger‚Ä¶ like her diet, for example.¬† That is something that would require her to police herself.¬† The fact that the dream does get to the point of intercourse is actually a good sign that the merger — whether it be feeling attractive or policing herself — is indeed taking place.