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Poll: Is Sexting Cheating?

Thu, Nov 12, 2009

Confessions, Poll

This week in the comments section, Spes posed an excellent question, so we wanted to highlight it in case you missed it:

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

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20 Responses to “Poll: Is Sexting Cheating?”

  1. Phil Says:

    The question wants me to open up a third option “What adult even does that? And why does it have a name that rather sounds like a verb for using a sextant?”

  2. Spes Says:

    What!? I love sending and receiving sexually explicit texts with my husband. It’s like a modernized version of leaving a sex note in one’s partner’s briefcase or lunch. Although, I still try to write something sweet or sexy on his napkins when I pack his lunch, handwriting is still very personal and powerful. However, sexting can be a great way to start the sexual tension building so both of you are ready to jump each other the moment you get home. And what man wouldn’t appreciate some masturbation material sent to him around lunch? And just as importantly, sharing sexual fantasies and stories when you’re not face to face allows one to be a bit more open about what they want, since they’re not ‘asking’ they’re just telling a ‘story’. I think it’s a great way to get to know your partner’s fantasy life better. But to each his own, I suppose.

  3. Madamoiselle L Says:

    spes, I think the question concerned “Sexting” people OTHER THAN your Sig Other. (hey, if you are able to text and it’s your SO, it might be fun. In fact, I am SURE it would be.)

    And, yeah, if it ain’t “the one you’re with” IMO, it’s cheating. Just as much as if you were intimately propositioning a guy who wasn’t your SO at the water cooler (are there actually water coolers in offices anymore?)

    If you are single, I guess go for it, but as with a lot of stuff, don’t promise what you can’t deliver. (That’s FAIR Sexual Politics after all.)

    I can’t text to save my life, it takes me half an hour to ask my kids “wat tim wll U B Hoome” then I search for “send” for an other half an hour. I have never sent my Man a text, as I don’t think he knows how to USE the function even as much as I do, not enough to read it. But, we’re grown ups, like Phil said.

    God only knows what my older kids are texting to each other, my 21 year old’s text chime goes off constantly (she has that “Cat, I’m a Kitty Cat, meowmeow meow meow, meow meow meow meow” chime ARUGHGHG!! It is mandatory that it is turned off at the dinner table.

  4. Spes Says:

    Yes, Madamoiselle L, I am aware that the poll concerns texting those who are not your significant other. If you read the sentence above the poll, you’ll see that I was the one who originally posed the question.(click the link) My earlier reply was in response to Phil’s question. I may not be 40 yet with twenty-something year old children, but I have my degree, my mortgage, my career, my husband, and my retirement plan to remind me that though I am proficient with texting, I’m not a teenager anymore. Hell, only wealthy Wall St types had cell phones back then. I’m an adult, and I text more than I talk on the phone. So apparently, some adults do participate in sexting.

    As I posted before:
    My personal opinion: Yes, if it’s hidden from your partner or if they are hurt by it. I think it’s an intimacy and deceit issue.

  5. Madamoiselle L Says:

    spes posted: “My personal opinion: Yes, if it’s hidden from your partner or if they are hurt by it. I think it’s an intimacy and deceit issue”

    I agree.

    Sorry if I misunderstood in the other post.

  6. Rei Says:

    Uh, ok, how is ‘sexting cheating’ and the replies Spes posted make any sense?

    Anyway, any type of email, text, emotion, or anything physical applied to someone who is not your sig other, its cheating.

  7. Leigh Olivia Says:

    Isn’t it a matter of context?

    As in, there isn’t one big, all-encompassing set of relationship rules that apply to all relationships. Cheating is “breaking the agreed-upon rules of your relationship,” right? And, if everyone involved has actually stopped to think and communicate their needs, limits, etc, then those will probably be substantially different from partnership to partnership. So, for some couples, even something as (what I would consider) mild as going to a strip-club, or in the other direction, going to the cinema and a dinner with someone else would be cheating and grounds for a big fight, if not a break up. Whereas for other couples, snuggling or flirting (or yes, more traditionally polyamorous set-ups) would be no big deal.

    I don’t think there’s any ethical weight on being more or less strict—but wherever you fall, for the love of pete, discuss it and come to an agreement with your partner.

  8. Phil Says:

    I think I did not express myself well. Maybe some of you like to text sexy messages, and that’s totally fine. I don’t, but that’s not the issue here. I was just wondering why the poll has been designed as a ‘yes/no’ thing (unlike previous polls, which had the equivalent of a ‘Don’t Care’ option), because I, as a non-texter, can’t really identify with any of those options.

  9. lilly Says:

    I think that any kind of intimate or sex communication with someone other than your spouse or significant other is cheating. Think of it this way – whatever it is you are doing….sexting, chatting, e-mailing….would you want your significant other to know about it? Or do you feel the need to hide it from them? If you can’t tell them about it, then you feel guilty, and it is cheating.

  10. Kimberly Says:

    To answer the question i feel the answer should and is a big fat YES. I just went through this with my SO and it caused a big fight that almost ended in a breakup. Needless to say the “woman” is now out of the picture but it still caused some serious trust issues at least for me. If you are in a relationship then that person is the ONLY one any sexting should be going on with, if you feel the need to “play”" then call it quits and go play all you want. Just dont undermine a relationship with stupid stuff if you”didnt mean anything by it”

  11. Jimmie Says:

    it should last about 30 minutes. It should be only between two people. No playing around and I don’t mean fore play either.

  12. Erin Says:

    ABSOLUTELY YES! And let me tell you (from personal experience) being cheated on in that particular way hurts JUST AS BADLY as if there were actual physical contact.

  13. sam Says:

    texting is cheating,as so is screwing around with other men on the internet,this happened to me 2 times,I got rid of them both,lost my trust,shows she wasnt interested in me no more,

  14. Olivia/ mikio Says:

    well while reading the postings i had saked my so mikio if he felt that sexting was cheating because at the end of the day it only matters what ur so expectations and needs are.
    He said its cheating because if you have a so than there shouldnt be a reason for you to talk to another man about sex or inapproprate matters. so thats a YES its cheating for myself and mikio. i understand completely what lily and speas are saying on these post.

    and remember that all that matters is what your so reals is right.

  15. Lakee Says:

    Yes,, I believe sexting is a violation if its not with your significant other.

  16. Joseph Says:

    100% positive, texting with someone is cheating. I think texting is always a symptom of something more serious.

  17. William Says:

    I believe I can solve this dileama, of weather sexting is cheating. By simply saying If you can be totally open with your partner about everything in your conversation may it be e-mail or text and there is no hurt feelings, no jealousy then you were just flirting but if you can’t share with your mate everything because of fear of their reaction or that your just ashamed of yourself then yes you cheated….

  18. TA Says:

    simple!! Would you like your SO doing it? If not its wrong, if your ok with it–your SO may not be so signifigant!!

  19. Spes Says:

    Well put, TA.

  20. Doreen Says:

    I am in this situation and I don’t think it is wrong. It makes me feel great and has increased my sex drive toward my SO. I am not attracted to this person so when I get the messages, I envision someone else. He lives out of state.
    Yes, I suppose my husband would be upset about it but …I know you will all get mad at this..but what about me? I mean, everyone is saying “oh, you need to love your SO…” What about my own needs? As long as I never physically touch someone else, how can that be harmful? I have been monogomous for a long time. I give him everything and we are best friends. I still think that I should be allowed to keep some things private. I am an independent person. It cannot harm him what he does not know. Plus, if it keeps me happy in monogomy than it is a good thing.
    I am surprised more people are not saying what I am.


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