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Wise Guys: Do Men Imagine Sex with Every Woman?

Tue, Nov 17, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

man_ogles_womanphoto by voxefx

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Does every guy see a woman and immediately assess whether or not he’d want to have sex with her? And if he would want to have sex with her, does that mean she automatically becomes a part of his masturbatory fantasies?”

Straight Married Guy (David Felsen): Thanks for your question, now I feel like a total pig! I can’t speak for every guy, but this happily married man is constantly making subconscious Yay or Nay sexy-time assessments based solely on appearances. Within milliseconds of meeting or seeing someone, I either feel it or not. I could be in the middle of a mugging, and if the woman beating me up is cute, she gets a green light. I should also say that I’m a repressed white boy, and would never give a conscious signal I was attracted, because that’s just rude when you’re with your wife. Are some of them lucky enough to make it into my spanktheon? Rarely, and the runs are limited. That particular hall of glory is reserved for former girlfriends, my wife, and Jessica Rabbit.

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Yes. 100% yes. Every human creature that falls within your sexuality spectrum is instantly sized up as a potential slap-and-tickle. Sometimes it is only for the morbid curiosity factor, i.e. the geriatric, your second cousin, etc. But it absolutely happens.  Like it or not, that means you are currently starring in someone’s five-finger-matinee. And there is simply no divide on gay and straight to this question. Men are men. If we find you remotely sexually appealing, you probably will have at least a walk-on part in some later fantasy.

Straight Single Guy (Tim): Yes, every time we see a woman who is remotely attractive, some sort of sexual thought goes through our head. We immediately know whether or not we would sleep with that woman and most of the time picture doing so, if even for a second. That being said, there are way too many beautiful women out there to incorporate them all into our fantasies. It would be chaos! We like to focus on two or three, which oddly enough don’t tend to change that often. Occasionally a random stranger we saw that day will make a guest appearance, but if we were to get off over every hot girl we saw, we’d never leave the house.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Felsen, a comedian and writer, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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20 Responses to “Wise Guys: Do Men Imagine Sex with Every Woman?”

  1. Chelsea B Says:

    I feel the same way as a woman though. Almost every time I see a remotely attractive man, I asses his “bangability.” I am in a long term relationship as well. I feel like it is in human nature, not just men. Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I don;t think so

  2. Elea Says:

    Same here! Human nature.

  3. Jen Says:

    I guess my only difference is I almost never would want to do them :p Not that I don’t question it. And I have to ‘like’ a specific guy (or say, be dating him) to want to add him to the, er, show.

  4. Dannie Says:

    Totally human nature. I think the range may vary from time to time–obviously, people with asexuality probably wouldn’t have this thought process as often, but anyone with any interest with sex most certainly will have sexual thoughts on their gender of attraction. Sometimes, though, it’s not even about the sexual fantasy; it’s just…people using their imaginations in the way that sexual creatures do.

  5. Michael Says:

    For me, the woman doesn’t really have to be attractive–it’s just about curiosity. I’ll be watching the news, and the anchorwoman is perhaps just somewhat attractive, and I’ll think, “I wonder what she looks like having an orgasm.”

  6. Rei Says:

    Women totally have these same fantasies as well as men!!! Any attractive man I see I wonder how big he is between his legs, and how he’d make love/sex. I’m married to a great man, but as humans, everyone has fantasies, and fantasize about someone not their sig other. It happens. But, you shouldn’t always think about the bus boy/or waitress, every time your man/woman is pleasuring you!

  7. Emi_ Says:

    I never used to because I thought it was wrong to think about another guy while in a relationship. But luckily I don’t guilt myself over it anymore. And although sometimes I do think about cute guys other than my boyfriend, I wouldn’t actually do anything.

  8. Madamoiselle L Says:

    The Wise Guys actually made me laugh out loud. “A walk in part in some fantasy.” “Jessica Rabbit.” “We’d never leave the house.”

    I remember in college playing “Would you fuck that guy?” (Quietly!) while sitting on the Quad with other women or gay friends (never played it with straight guys, though, you KNOW they’d ask…..Hell, the gay guys would ask, “Say I was straight, or really really drunk, would you….) The answered about the men walking by ranged from “Ew!” to “Hell yeah!” to “Maybe I could, if he was nice.” “Maybe I could, if he lost that perm.” (Some of the girls needed some Trust Fund or other financial incentive included, not kidding.) We were young, dumb and full of……energy then.

    My Man does this, during movies or TV shows (he does it during the news” “What about him? Is he hot? If I were a chick, I’d think he was hot.” (He doesn’t get my obsession with House…..my Man looks just like him.) However, I DON’T ask him. But, he tells me anyway. :) Not bragging, but the closer a woman’s look is to mine, the more likely he is to want her, no matter what her age. (although tall blondes, which I am surely not, wouldn’t be said “no” to in this game…) I’m more picky than he is, that’s for sure.

    In nature,(animals) the female usually does the choosing, while the male takes whatever comes along and is reasonably healthy looking. Makes sense.

  9. Kerry Says:

    I’d be mortified if someone could read my mind at any point during the day, because generally I’m wondering what the guy on the telly looks like naked or whether the guy that just walked past or served me at the till would be any good in bed. I do it with pretty much everyone i meet or someone who catches my eye when I’m out and about. I don’t incorporate them into my alone time though, if i include anyone i know it’s past guys I’ve been with. I think everyone does it, some more than others.

  10. Smarties Says:

    You guys are horrible. As an intellectual, I can tell you right now that this is a ridiculous assumption that portrays every man as being nothing but a overly promiscuous, woman objectifying fiend. Men who are dimwitted and think of women (at least subconsiously) this way are also subconsiously thinking that women are worthless except in bed. And I say dimwitted because these men are insulting the few genuinely great men that are left in the world by making them seem like overly perverted wild dogs that are in constant heat.

  11. Doug Says:

    So, as an intellectual, you’re saying that any man who fantasizes about women is a dimwitted mysoginist? For an intellectual, you have a inordinately intolerant view of the world. Of course, that kind of arrogance is probably bred from the insecurity you have procured from fantasizing about certain men yourself and being hurt that your man could ever possibly fantasize about anyone but you. I mean, being so special, so kind and so bright he would have to be an idiot to have “fantasies” and be “self-fulfilled” and not be “dependent.”

  12. Michael Says:

    Yes, I’m not sure I see how having a fantasy is necessarily objectifying–unless the fantasy is objectifying in nature (by no means guaranteed). But whatever–fantasies are natural and healthy sexual impulses. We can deny them, like Smarties might prefer, but we all know how good repressing sexual impulses can be. Look at Japan, and tell me you’d rather have a culture where businessmen buy used girls’ underwear from vending machines… vs. an honest, open discussion and non-judgmental allowance for a NORMAL human impulse. Men and women alike feel sexual impulses and have fantasies, and acknowledging them and discussing them is healthy, not “horrible” or “dim-witted”.

    And I find this odd: how does finding someone sexually attractive and thinking of them in that way make them worthless in all other ways except in bed? So the converse of that, as an intellectual, Smartie, is that no one ought to find you in the least bit sexually attractive–lest they neglect everything else you have to offer?

    Guys (and girls) ARE sometimes “perverted wild dogs”, but that doesn’t mean that’s all they are, all the time. You can have a thought without it being your entire, singular nature.

    For god’s sake, Smarties, please salivate over someone like a perverted wild dog every once in a while. Maybe even have perverted wild dog sex every so often, too. Or every night, if that’s your thing. It’s all good. You can still read books and go to dinner parties, and carry on with the intellectual parts of your life–just like the rest of us horrible, perverted wild dogs do.

  13. amo 45 Says:

    DOWN BOYS-1st smarties “You guys are horrible”not cool baby.One thinks you need a P.W.D.S. moment -it might lighten you up a bit c’mon give it a try let loose..2nd Doug, admirable yet biting response,I like the way you express and defend yourself.3rd Micheal I think I adore you.Brilliant touche’.And yes to all of you we women do the same thing-we are sexual beings too .Regardless of what society may have tried to teach us just [hopefully] more subtle.

  14. June Stewart Says:

    A classmate urged me to check out this website, nice post, fanstatic read… keep up the good work!

  15. Straight Dope Dad Says:

    Ha! This is totally accurate. It also has nothing to do with intelligence. It is hard wired biology. Makes about as much sense as calling people stupid because when they look at delicious food they actually think about eating it for a second or two. Plus there’s a big difference between thinking of something and acting upon it. If there wasn’t we’d all be in jail for “murderous thoughts” by now. So Smartiepants guy needs to just relax and experience life in all it’s glory.

  16. Charles Says:

    Interesting…And truth be told EVERY woman I see EVERY SINGLE DAY is assessed for her bang-ability score. All very subjective and carnal. Sexy face 1 point. Cute thicker ass (my favorite) 3 points. Nice breasts 1 point. Hair, skin, and her walk each 2 points. I could go on. But the answer is YES…

  17. G-Dog Says:

    I know this thread is over a year old, but I just found it and had to ask…

    If Smarties is so intellectual and good-minded, how did he/she find this website? What were YOU searching for that brought you here? Certainly not the pursuit of scholarly advancement!

    I think you’re an introvert perv that outwardly suppresses your natural thoughts but secretly you’re a raging sexoholic!

  18. elizabeth Says:

    I don’t think there’s anything inherently incompatible with being an intellectual and being a sexual being. I’ll prove my point in two words: James Joyce. Who could be more academic and salacious?

  19. cristina Says:

    Im a happily married woman, but definetely desire every hot guy I see….and I actually act on my urgea, I still love my husband but pleasure is pleasure…

  20. Helena Says:

    Someone asked why this person gettin mad about men s though, why she was in this website and I think I could have the answer. I got here looking for help, like this can be fix, but i think i cant lie to myself no more, I felt pain to read this because I do love my husband very much and I dont see other men and think to fuck them or any, I got married 1 year ago, and dont get me wrong I had sex before but I never went unfaithfull, I never go like these thoughts about asses and koks, i am a dirty person in bed with him, we fuck outdoors anytime we can, i certanly love our sexual life and i was happy enough like this, and I think I am a beautiful woman, but since I am living with my husband, I see how he see other women, he just cant just deny it. but he try and is a lame, he say he dont he love me and that but his actions are very diferent and then, for first time in my relationship Im stopping to see him as sexual partner forever. I mean, its good for you if you like everywoman, but then why you get marry, no make sense for me. I am from Italy, and actually believe the best is going divorce, this is making me unhorney and im stopping to enjoy sex thinking he is not even with me, he have in his mind that lady he saw like an animal during fuck me, that one he pretend he didnt even see, hurt me so much, im going not wanting him so fast and if this is “to be married” in this “natural” way to be
    I rather to go fucking a bunch of honest guys who dont hurt me because i will not fall in love, or marry them, is more honest than to live with a man who lie to me. that guy that want anybody else, can certanly live with out me. and live my life single. I think is time to move on and talk to him, face that he is not gonna change it and i will not gonna take it.

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