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Wise Guys: Is a Striptease a Good Last-Minute Gift?

Tue, Dec 22, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

burlesque_stripperAdvice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the question, “If your partner gave you a serious striptease with a serious striptease face and cheesy music, would it really be the best present ever or would it be kinda weird and uncomfortable?”:

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max):
A serious striptease requires two things. First, there cannot be cheesy music. Barry White makes me laugh. He does not turn me on. Traditional “sexy” music like that isn’t very serious. Using it would probably just be weird and uncomfortable. Give me my favorite music, or perhaps our favorite music. Second, just like a strip bar, I cannot be allowed to touch. This means that I must be tied down, pinned down or somehow unable to simply grab her once she begins to undress. (Unlike a strip bar however, bouncers are a bad idea). The whole appeal of stripping is the tease, and we men have very little self control. You know this: Once one piece of clothing comes off, we’re prone to rip the rest of it off as well. A striptease where the timetable is entirely decided upon by the girl stripping… Yeah. That could actually be the best thing ever.

terence_100Gay Committed Guy (Terence):
I gotta go with an emphatic no on the partner striptease. I feel terrible about it. I should be thrilled by the idea, right? Then I think, what if my neighbor did one for me? Oh yeah, that’d be hot. So my rudimentary scientific method tells me that stripteases get me going when I don’t know the person all that well. Then again, when I think of my boss and a couple co-workers whom I don’t know all too well, I come up with a¬† revised theory: stripteases get my juices flowing when I don’t the person all that well, but want to get to know them in bed. That’s it. With my partner I’d be, like, oh please. But now here’s a little twist. If my partner were to seriously strip my clothes off me with or without a serious face and cheesy music, I’d probably cream my pants before my socks got pulled off.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Matt):
I think it depends on the partner. If my partner was super embarrassed, I would probably find it super embarrassing. If they felt empowered and just went with it, it could be hot, I guess. The biggest problem with these things — for me, anyway — is that it immediately makes me think of something women learn from daytime TV…you know, “10 Sure-Fire Ways to Spice Up Your Ice-Cold Love Life” and so on.¬† An ex-girlfriend of mine once dressed up in lingerie to surprise me with a little routine, but it was during a very depressing point near the end of the relationship, and the whole thing just felt a little sad and contrived. So maybe that experience has soured me on the concept, but it’s not a fantasy I’m particularly yearning to live out.

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4 Responses to “Wise Guys: Is a Striptease a Good Last-Minute Gift?”

  1. Johnny Says:

    I guess it would be neat, but as a present? Nah. A strip tease is very tame. Sexually themed presents must be outrageous, far beyond what one’s partner would normally do. Like threesomes, buttsex, a rub-and-tug from a pro… Something you wouldn’t normally do that your partner is dying for.

  2. Karen Affeldt Says:

    I love stripteasing as an art of seduction. I make sure that everything is perfect and seduction is the theme (music, clothes, movements, etc.) We all try to have the perfect date or the perfect dinner. I would think that anyone going to such lengths to seduce and yet add in cheesy elements would only end up disappointing someone. For me, I take it all seriously, it’s all out or get out.

  3. Rei Says:

    I love giving my husband a strip tease, and he give me one. The best thing about it, is after all the clothing comes off, the both of you can go have crazy sex afterward, unlike at a strip club, you cannot do that with the ladies or the bouncers will f*ck you up.

  4. anathema Says:

    I was a stripper for years and, while I did do my best to dance to unexpected and weird music (Boomtown Rats, Lords of the New Church, old Broadway show tunes), sometimes the cheesy music is what works. If the woman is feeling sexy and the music inspires her, the dance will be hot.

    And it makes me sad that teh buttsecks is a totally crazy “oh my god we never do this” thing in Johnny’s relationship. but hey, whatever makes you happy . ..


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