A Woman’s Handbag Is a Relationship Litmus Test

handbug_pursephoto by *clairity*

For a single woman on the make, a purse doubles as an overnight kit: Her Fendi baguette will easily hold condoms, lube, toothbrush, spare undies, lipstick, business cards, gum, cellphone, and, if she was once a Girl Scout, a penis ring (“Be prepared!”). And, of course, if she’s out with a group of ladies, they will end up dancing around that handbag because there are no men to keep an eye on all the Kate Spades, and because groups of women always dance in a circle.

But for a woman with a purse on one arm and a dude on the other, suddenly a handbag is not just a handbag. It can become a litmus test for a straight man’s sexual security factor: When she asks him to hold her pastel pink pocketbook while she either pees, dances to “It’s Raining Men” with the girls, or holds back her friend’s hair while she pukes, does he adamantly refuse, does he hold it at arm’s length like it’s a soiled diaper, or does he slip it over his shoulder with an affable grin? There is a direct correlation between his comfort level with holding a handbag and how supportive he is of marriage rights for gays, how his mama raised him, and how amenable he’ll be to a little backdoor “reach around” with a pinkie (or more).

Of course, if you ask an unrepentant ladies man, he’ll tell you that a handbag is actually a devious way for a woman to mark her territory. He may even get relationship panic if she asks him to hold her bag while she pees, convinced she’s doing it only to ward off any competitors in her absence. Which means that the purse doubles as a handy litmus test for commitment-phobes, too! However, ladies, we wouldn’t attempt this maneuver on the first date: There is a season and a time for everything in relationships, and some things — like farting, meeting the parents, Japanese rope bondage, and treating your date like a hat-stand — are best saved for later.

For more tips on deciphering the dating scene, check out our book Rec Sex: An A-Z Guide to Hooking Up.


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13 Comments on "A Woman’s Handbag Is a Relationship Litmus Test"


Bob
2 years 5 months ago

Has nothing to do with looking effeminate carrying a women’s handbag no problems offering to help if it’s a geniune hands full scenario, it dumping your crap and treating males like a donkey intentionally that irritates.

5 years 2 months ago

Purse fetishers-SEE THIS GROUP! Click on my name for the link-you are not alone!

ED
5 years 3 months ago

I AGREE WITH THE ARTICLE, I HAVE NO PROBLEM HOLDING A WOMANS PURSE, I EVEN ENJOY HOLD A SOFT LARGE LEATHER HOBO. IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOU CARE FOR THE OTHER PERSON. THOSE POOR MEN WHO FEEL SO INSECURE AS TO HOLD THEIR GIRLFRIENDS HANDBAGS. I LOVE A PINKY IF IT IS PLACED CORRECTLY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN/COME TO PORTLAND OREGON WE ARE FAR MORE ADVANCED FOR THIS SUBJECT.

Ricky
5 years 8 months ago

OH I LOOOVE holding a girl’s purse for her. I have a purse fetish, and love dry humping them. If we’re at her house, or another house, and she goes into the bathroom, i’m on top of her purse like white on rice, riding it like i’m at a rodeo! I can care less about all that litmus testing stuff. I don’t care if we’re in a public place and she asks me to hold it for her. I’ll do more than that!! I’ll hold it in front of me, and slam it into my crotch, creating an awfully hard tent pole!

Slartibartfast
5 years 8 months ago

I never really thought of the practice as any sort of litmus test, although I suppose it could serve that function. Dannie has the right take on it in my view. I’ve been happy to hold purses for both of my ex-girlfriends and innumerable girl friends without giving it a second thought. Occasionally a passing wag might comment “I like your purse” which is easily handled with “Thanks so much! I’ve always accessorized well.” It actually seems weird that anyone would feel their masculinity threatened by such a request. Hmmm… maybe I should go kick a puppy to attenuate any lingering feminization? Can I still exfoliate though?