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How to Share a Fantasy in Three Easy(ish) Steps

Wed, Dec 16, 2009

Advice, How To

fantasy_bunny_maskphoto by smell_of_colours

Sharing a fantasy with a partner can be a cheap and easy way to foster intimacy, build trust, and kink things up. But it takes a lot of courage to do. What if you think yours is too mundane to put into words (remember Meg Ryan’s faceless stranger fantasy in When Harry Met Sally?). Or what if you’re afraid your partner will be jealous of or even deeply disturbed by what you share? Or, worst case scenario: What if they just laugh? Try these tricks to make things a little smoother:

  1. Set the Stage for Safe Sharing: Ask your partner to tell you one of their biggest/darkest/strangest masturbation fantasies, explaining that it’d be such a turn-on to get in their head. Promise them you won’t judge or giggle (and keep that promise). If they’re reluctant, set a brave example by offering up one of your own (you can insist that they honor the no-giggling rule, too).
  2. Just Start Talking: The next time you’re having regular old comfort sex, start talking about something you’d like to try now, something you’d like to try eventually, or something you’d never ever want to try but are simply turned on by in your mind. Then suggest that your partner do the same (no pressure though!). Or just recount a dirty story you recently read. The fact that you’re having sex at the time will mean any awkward pauses can be filled with moans. And when you’re both distracted by physical pleasure, there’s less pressure for your fantasy to make narrative sense. Just a sentence or two here and there will get the point across.
  3. Know When to Hold Them: There’s no rule that says you have to share every single dirty thought that crosses your mind. Maybe that fantasy you enjoy during your self-love sessions is hot precisely because nobody knows about it. Or if your partner’s the jealous type, then they don’t need to know that you occasionally imagine their best friend naked.

From our bi-weekly Metro column — see it in print here.

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One Response to “How to Share a Fantasy in Three Easy(ish) Steps”

  1. Leftos Says:

    This is a great discussion. So many people have things that really turn them on or they really want to do with their significant other and instead they hold them back in fear. We had a user on our site give UNREAL advice on how you can reveal to your SO your fantasies without having the fear of embarrassment…He says write down your fantasy on a piece of paper with a bunch of other realistic fantasies that ARE NOT you’re actually fantasy. Then give the list to your partner and have them circle the ones that they are willing to do. This way you know what their limits are and if your real fantasy is circled then you’re golden.

    Here’s that post cause there were plenty of other suggestions along with that one
    http://www.leftos.com/opinion/view/400


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