photo by jekert

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Be open to new experiences and give strangers a chance. Today’s acquaintance wielding an oddly-shaped vegetable may be tomorrow’s partner in exploring a new sexual orifice.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Give monogamy a chance.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Talk talk talk. Blah blah blah. Doesn’t anybody have sex anymore? Don’t wait too long to broach the sex issue in a relationship, otherwise you could be consigned to Just-a-Friend status for good.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Resolve to never forget that, despite the dodgy suit jackets and bad hair days, the Supremes got it right: you can’t hurry love.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd) Vow to never forcefully push your way into an elevator, a relationship or a body cavity. Likewise, keep your finger on the “close door” button whenever you’re so inclined

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Spend more quality time with yourself. Resist the urge to turn on the TV. Remember, you’re not that boring.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You can’t always get what you want. And sometimes when you don’t, you have a tendency to punch, kick, scream and bite. Let’s work on some self-control issues this year.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Resolve to ask yourself these questions before having sex this year: 1. Do I really want to have sex? 2. Do I care if I never see them again? 3. Do I know their last name? 4. What was that they just said? 5. Do I have a condom? 6. Would I be just as happy with a game of chess?

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Swear off letting your genitals do the work of your heart.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
It’s time to conquer your fear of all things sensual: start with candles, work up to soft jazz and bubble baths — by the end of the year you could be an expert in erotic massage!

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
This year, do not shag the married, the recently dumped, the commitment-shy, the strange (both weird and unknown: get to know them first) or the gay (unless you’re gay, in which case, don’t date the straight).

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Stop trying to chase away loneliness with casual sex. Remember that cheap wine and karaoke with friends is a better way to repress the suspicion that you’re not all that.