Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here every few weeks. To ask her your own question, click here.
Dear Dr. Kate,
I’ve started seeing this new guy who has a very wide, very long penis. The first time we had intercourse it took minutes for us to inch his penis all the way inside of me. The ensuing sex was uncomfortable and it only took me ten minutes to get too sore to continue. I feel like we did everything correctly: foreplay was thorough and I was super aroused, we used a water-based lube, and we took things really slowly. The second time we tried intercourse, the same thing happened. We’ve tried both missionary and girl-on-top. I don’t have any STDs or other vaginal issues that make sex uncomfortable in general. I just can’t seem to accommodate his size! Is it possible that we just don’t “fit” together? Will I get used to it as we keep trying? Is there something I should be doing differently?
– Tight Fit
Dear T.F.,
When aroused, the average vaginal length is about 5-7 inches. So if a gal’s partner is longer than that, then good foreplay, lube, and going slowly are generally necessary for comfort. Which means that so far you have done everything right! In addition, you might want to try sex on your sides, to limit the depth of penetration as much as possible. And definitely avoid doggy-style! You could also try putting your hand on the base of his shaft to keep him from entering you up to the hilt. You should keep trying to find a way to make it work — you may find, for example, that intercourse is more comfortable at different points in your menstrual cycle — though it is possible that he may just be too large for deep thrusting intercourse. In which case, you may have to experiment with ways where he doesn’t fully enter you.
On a final note, just for the sake of perspective: ten minutes of intercourse doesn’t sound like that short of a time to me. I know some women enjoy a long session of intercourse, but ten minutes isn’t nothing. Perhaps instead of thinking of intercourse as the main course, you should be thinking of it as the dessert at the end of an already satisfying meal. In fact, I bet that a lot more women would enjoy sex if they started thinking of intercourse in this way!
Good luck,
– Dr. Kate
Gynotalk
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:11 am
I don’t want to sound too negative, but even if these guys manage to get some sex going with these tips they will still have some difficult times after the first couple of times, when the initial happiness to just have sex has died of.
No doggy-style, always be very careful, find a position that does not hurt so much and stick to it, 10 minutes is not THAT bad … honestly, the sex of these guys will probably never be anywhere close to good, and both will get unsatisfied with it very quickly …
January 14th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Phil said: “honestly, the sex of these guys will probably never be anywhere close to good, and both will get unsatisfied with it very quickly …” You know this HOW? Phil I have to disagree. My Man is a Biggie. He was my first, so I didn’t know any different. We have never been “unsatisfied.” It’s always been fantastic. We have NO problem with “doggie style” (as you call it) or any other position. Cowgirl is a little difficult, because I am just too damn lazy to have to basically halfway stand up with every thrust (and I’m not fond of that position anyway) but aside from that, everything else works just fine. People were MEANT to fit together.
The female vagina can accommodate an infant’s head during childbirth (and it isn’t the vagina which causes most of the pain, it’s the cervix dilating and the uterine contractions) so a woman can accommodate a well endowed man and go right back to where she was (vagina at rest, with walls touching each other) within an hour or so.
The vagina was MEANT to be elastic, it really doesn’t stay “stretched out” (as some men, who have some issues, are fond of saying) because in healthy women the sides touch when the vagina is at rest, even when the woman has a large lover or has had babies. A good water based lube can be very helpful, as can being really aroused.
You also claimed: “but even if these guys manage to get some sex going with these tips they will still have some difficult times after the first couple of times, when the initial happiness to just have sex has died of” Uh, My Man never had any trouble getting laid before he met me. He was my first, but I wasn’t his. Women really like him and always have. WHERE are you getting this stuff?
Believe me, these guys CAN, unlike you claimed “be anywhere close to good.” They can be fantastic. (There is also more to sex than just intercourse and ANY man can be good at those options, with some practice.) I have NO IDEA where you got your notions.
The OP will eventually learn what works for her and her lover, and she will be able to not only accommodate him, but totally enjoy him.
Tight Fit, side lying might be a good option for you two to try. Also, My Man likes to kind of lie on his side, while I am on my back and it works nicely like that, too. You two will find a way for this to be great, if you work on it, and really care for each other. In the end, this “issue” is NOT a problem, but actually an asset. And, of course, there is more to sex than just the intercourse.
Good luck.
January 14th, 2010 at 11:42 am
*applauds Mlle. L*
January 14th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
My man is very, very hung and while we do need to take our time getting into things most nights, I’ve never had a problem having GREAT sex with him in ANY position. Sure, he can’t always penetrate me with the full length of his penis, but we both always enjoy ourselves very much.
Spooning is a great position to start in with a larger man. My boyfriend and I love pretty much any variation on doggy style, especially when I lay flat on my stomach with a pillow underneath my hips and him kneeling between or over my legs. This is also great for intimacy because he can lean forward and envelope me, give me kisses, hug me, etc.
Also, OP, consider the fact that once he’s “in” you, he should still take his time and use gentle, shallow thrusts for awhile. Once that’s comfortable, THEN go for the more enthusiastic, “jackhammer” type sex.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
If you find that he is still too big, one couple I know tried this:
Get a pocket pussy and cut a donut-sized ring off of the end of it, then slide it down around the base of his penis. This will create a soft bumper to help limit how deep he is entering you. As far as his width, I can’t help you. Good luck!
January 17th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Phil ignore Madamoiselle L she/he seems to get her/his jollies off convincing random men on the internet that they are sexually inadequate. She/he immediately responds to any posts that women prefer normal sized penises with condescending passive aggressive rants about how it takes a huge schlong to really satisfy a woman etc, etc…
In one of the other penis size threads she claimed that “her man” has a penis with a circumference of 8+ inches. A few people responded that seems a little exaggerated as it is MUCH larger than any male porn star ever. Seriously the max circumference of a baseball bat allowed in major league baseball is 8.6 inches. Are you seriously with a straight face claiming that “your man’s” penis is so large it would almost be disqualified as a baseball bat? Several posters pointed this out, but she never backed off her claims.
In the other thread on stamina she claimed that real men can last for hours in bed and girls should dump immature boys who last for minutes and get with real men who can go all night… yawn.
Seriously dude/chick get a therapist and stop taking out your sexual issues on strangers on the internet. Your posts are comically exaggerated and poorly informed. Vaginas are not meant to accommodate baseball bats comfortably. Yes women give birth to babies, but the reason the doctors tell them not to have intercourse for a few months afterwards is to allow all of the vaginal tearing that occurs during childbirth time to heal. Thousands of women are admitted to the ER every year for “accomodating” men much less girthy than 8 inches.
There are some women who enjoy absurd levels of vaginal dilation, but most women are not into fisting and baseball bats are not commonly used as sex toys. Too large is just as much a problem for most women as the “too small” men that you belittle in all of your posts. And lastly I seriously doubt that you even even have a vagina, usually only men are this obsessed with penis size and sexual inadequacy issues. A baseball bat sized penis wielding man that has tons of sexual partners who he makes scream in extacy then ends up with a virgin sounds a lot more like a male sexual fantasy that a female sexual fantasy as does constantly trying to convince strangers on the internet that this is reality.
January 17th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
What he said.
January 17th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Yeah Enrique, maybe I was a little harsh for this thread, but if you read some of Madamoiselle L’s other posts she goes on and on about how amazing huge schlongs are and women who disagree must have never experienced one before… Belittles any man who responds with less and tells him to buy his gf a huge sex toy because he’ll never satisfy her.
I know many women who complain about girths above 5.25. A 6 inch girth is too much for most women and 8 inches if its even possible wouldn’t come anywhere near 95% of the female population.
Her stretch for childbirth remarks are also comical was well. Childbirth is not an experience most women would want to reproduce as a regular part of their sex lives.
January 18th, 2010 at 11:47 am
Jimbo said: (among other dreck) “Phil ignore Madamoiselle L she/he seems to get her/his jollies off convincing random men on the internet that they are sexually inadequate. Belittles any man who responds with less and tells him to buy his gf a huge sex toy because he’ll never satisfy her.”
WHEN the hell did I say that? I never said anything of the kind. You seem more concerned about MY sex life than your own.
Then he goes on with his misspelled crap “Thousands of women are admitted to the ER every year for “accomodating” men much less girthy than 8 inches.” (END QUOTE)
REALLY? Funny, I’m a nurse, and I used to work the ED. I have NEVER seen a woman admitted for having consensual sex with a large man. (I also worked Post Partum and L&D and RARELY does it take “Months” to recover from childbirth. Even with a large baby, most women are up and walking around in days often within hours.) Looked it up, never seen a SINGLE CASE of a woman going to the ER from consensual sex with a well endowed man, yet you know of “thousands?” You, sir. are full of crap. Dude, you make stuff up.
Maybe you need to educate yourself on exactly HOW sex works, how the female body works, and how it responds. (Because you seem very confused about that stuff, looking at the things you have posted.) You’d be less likely to make crap up, that has no basis in reality then.
I never said ANY of the shit you said I did. You READ THINGS you want to hear, into my posts based on your own obvious feelings compensate for SOMETHING. I don’t know what that is, but my hunch is it has NOTHING to do with your “size” and more to do with your attitude towards women and sexuality.
If you actually took the time to learn more about both of these, you would have LESS intolerance (because obviously when a woman honestly states her opinion about something and you disagree you have to resort to ad hominen attacks, insults and then make things up to “prove” something which exists only in your mind.)
I have not made a comment on the “little penis” thread IN MONTHS, I said what I thought was appropriate, in MY opinion (which I am entitled to, otherwise the thread wouldn’t be open for posting) and YOU evidentially keep posting there, obviously waiting for someone to fight with.
MY GOD, you remember what I said, THREE MONTHS ago, to the very INCH about My Man? (Weird, because I haven’t thought about that thread since the last time I posted there, MONTHS AGO.)
Dude, that’s just creepy! Do you keep track of everybody like this? Or am I to feel either honored or threatened? Is anyone still postin on that thread, or is it just dudes agreeing with each other and insulting women, or maybe it’s all the SAME dude agreeing with himself. I don’t know which.
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO POST MY OPINION, ASSHOLE. I didn’t attack YOU so get the hell OFF. What the hell did I ever do to YOU? Sorry if my opinion differs from yours.
Sorry if FACT differs from how you would LIKE the world to be.
I NEVER attacked you, WTF?
All I did was assure this woman, on this thread that she would be OK, and some pointers on how she will be (and she will be, and the good doctor agrees with me) and give correct BULLSHIT information that “Phil” posted.
Are YOU “Phil” also, as well as “Richard Little” and the rest of the Misogyny bunch? How many names ARE you posting under?
Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but making up “facts” (like “Phil” did a few posts above) is not right. Unless he has a lot of experience with well endowed men, HOW could he know any of the crap he posted? He couldn’t. It’s just sour grapes and a sad sad man posting under a number of different names, obsessively following other posters around the board, and generally irritating the rest of us. (not to mention the general creepiness of doing both of these)
You are entitled to your opinion, but I have NEVER insulted a man, here or in real life for his size, and I resent your lying that I did.
Go mind your own business. I have a right to post, YOU do NOT have a right to misinterpret my every move and continually attack me. What a sad sad person you must be. You don’t LIKE women, do you?
Pathetic.
January 18th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Mademoiselle (let’s not get picky about spelling),
While I sympathize with your reaction, you do yourself no favors by responding to paranoid ravings with paranoid ravings.
While I too get sick of your big dick civil liberties attitude myself, you are certainly entitled to your preferences and opinions. As is “Jimbo,” however insecure and misogynist. He is simply one of god knows how many men who do not have the self-confidence to read online materials about penis size without suffering a tremendous blow to the ego. And probably blames women.
January 18th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
I had to go back and check out Jimbo’s claims about what Madamoiselle L posted, because I had always known her to post mostly informed and non-condescending comments in my time reading this site. Not only does Jimbo quote Mlle. L incorrectly(she said her man was 8.5 inches long, not 8.5 inches in circumference), there is also no objective measure for his ranting about her “passive aggressive insults for men who are of a smaller size.” In fact, I have known from her comments that she did not decry any of her lovers for size, only for laziness in bed. Jimbo needs to get his eyes checked, and failing that get his perception altered.
As far as the issue at hand, I can say that even as a slightly below-average sized man I have been with one woman who could not comfortably accomodate me at first. It just took some time and few extra shortened sessions. Tight Fit definitely should not give up on sex with her man, it could simply be a matter of practice. However, that being said, pressing against the cervical wall can be painful for some women. Some women enjoy having the pressure there, others do not. The best method for avoiding this kind of pressure and subsquently this kind of pain is what Dr. Kate suggested, keep your hand or have him keep his around the base of his penis while thrusting, to prevent too much penetration. Also, changing up positions and possibly more importantly not spending too much time in one position are critical.
Another thing you must be aware of that people are getting killed for saying is if you try several times and cannot comfortably and pleasurably accomodate him, it is possible that you don’t in fact “fit together.” A 7 inch penis doesn’t fit as well inside a 5 inch vagina as a 7 inch vagina accomodates a 5 inch penis. It’s unfair, and it should not prevent you from having a relationship or trying to, but it is possible certain positions will never work for you. Whether or not you and your man can live with that is a personal thing.
January 18th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
I DID comment on that “penis” thread more recently, forgot. However, it was concerning pregnancy.(some guy said a penis is only good “if it can get a woman pregnant. WTF?)
FTR, I have only made about 2 or 3 posts about “size” a good deal less than Jimbo, or a few others. Most of my posts concern other issues.
Whatever…..it isn’t the overriding concern in the hours of my day. Unlike some, obviously.
You are right, Wesley, I shouldn’t have said a damn thing. Oh, well….SEE that’s the thing, how many women will read the creepy insulting post SOMEONE made towards ONE thing I said, which was misinterpreted MONTHS ago, (and HE’S obviously still thinking about it) and be afraid to state her OWN opinion about anything sexual, for fear of becoming his next victim?
That’s one way misogyny works, SHUT THE BITCH UP and you win…..
I maybe shouldn’t have responded to his paranoia, though.
January 18th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
Fine some examples of your behavior ML….
Wise Guys: If He Asks About Size… (thread)
Jasmine: Boyfriend insecure about his penis how can I reassure Him
ML (Dec 13 2009 12:41 pm):Jasmine, this dude needs HELP. He’s being immature and manipulative and from what you say, he’s using his “insecurity” as a way to try to guilt you into having sex with him, when you aren’t ready….This man needs help, and it is NOT something you can fix at all. He needs professional help, and I have fear for you and for your safety. He seems to either be blaming you for NOTHING you did, or expects you to fix his nearly NON EXISTENT problem.
Jasmine (Dec 13 2009 2:42 pm) :Ur a very angry person Madamoiselle L & very very very paranoid, which is ironic. Anyway, he is not manipulative at all he’s very respective and very nurturing and caring. I wanted advice on how to mkae him feel better about an insecurity he has.
Basically some women wanted tips on how to reassure her boyfriend she was ok with his size. You insisted that his issues about being small were his fault and she should dump him immediatly. She responded by politely telling you to go f-off
Hard to say I’m misogynist when a woman politely told you the same thing.
January 18th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Advice: My new boyfriend has a small penis
ML(Oct 15 2009 4:57 pm): Hmmm, that’s a hard one. (OMG.) My man is big, 8.5 or so and bigger around than I can get my little hand. I dated a few other guys in college (we were on a break, jeez) and they were, well, not nearly as big. These guys were also mostly lazy lovers. (College horney, drunk, inexperience, I am not sure.
Jake: Did you actuall measure or just take his word for it?
ML (Nov 3 2009 11:56 am): Measured, babe. 8.5 at full, and bigger around than my little hand can span. (Or about 8 in. circumference or about 1 3/4 to 2 in across.) <— the famous 8 in circumference post that Doug claimed doesn't exist.
Some folks questioned your 8 in circ claim…
ML (Nov 3 2009 1:34 pm): I don’t think so. That’s about the length between my thumb and middle finger, hand outstretched, give or take. (Plus, my dh thought it was funny when I brought out the measuring tape all those years ago…) Guess I’ve seen more than you have…..(Unless you are gay, which I am guessing you’re not,(and it wouldn’t matter) from your posts, I would hope so….)
Right here you are standing by your 8 in circ claim and claiming you have seen plenty of penises so you should know. This contradicts this very thread where you claim your hugely hung dh was your first and only lover…
jake (Nov 3 2009 1:49 pm): 8 inch circumference is a coke can thickness, you don’t see em that big in porn. I don’t envy you if you can take that. Like I said before, women do get measurements wrong.
la la la .. more posts in same thread asserting how huge your man's schlong is…
January 18th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Wise Guys: What’s the definition of bad sex
ML (Nov 13 2009 1:23 pm) here again you claim to have had more than one sexual partner before “your man” but at the top of this thread you claim that he was your first.
Wish I could find the thread where you claim that older men are where its at and women should dump inexperienced little boys. Do you remember that one?
January 18th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Jesus Christ, grow up. I’ve got a pathetically average dangle and, while I will admit to no small amount of insecurity (on that and myriad other subjects), I’m not about to start a huge goddam kerfluffle over someone misremembering what they posted. Yes, Mademoiselle L can be somewhat excitable (note, please, that I did not use the misogynist phrases hysterical or shrewish), yes she is annoyingly proud of her man’s supposedly immense jackhammer of a prick, and yes her suspicion of patriarchy borders on the paranoid (or would if said patriarchy weren’t everywhere in evidence). But she has just as much right to state her opinions as you do. So everyone just cool the fuck off.
And let’s not forget that we are all hiding behind the internet’s shroud of anonymity.
January 18th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Hey Jimbo, give ML a break, would ya? This is just a (mostly) friendly discussion about penis size, no one’s been accused of first-degree murder here.
January 18th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
I don’t think it’s a secret that most women prefer large cocks, gentlemen. That’s not to say that a guy who’s average sized or on the small side can’t be a fantastic lover. But all things equal … yeah, I’ll take a guy who’s hung.
ML is not the first or last woman to have that opinion, Jimbo. Your incredible log and memory of her posts is borderline creepy.
The point is that the OP can have comfortable, enjoyable, wonderful sex with her well-endowed boyfriend if she takes the proper amount of time to get adequately turned on and uses lube. Trust.
“Thousands of women are admitted to the ER every year for “accomodating” men much less girthy than 8 inches.”
I doubt that the number is in the thousands, and no matter what it is, that is because THEY WERE NOT PREPARED. I agree that an 8″ girth is obscene, but a woman’s vagina is elastic … the vagina expands and the cervix retracts to accommodate up to 9″ on average WITH AROUSAL. With proper foreplay and the use of lubricant, there is NO reason why a woman should be injured because of her man’s size. So long as she is turned on, lubricated, and her man takes his time, sex can be vigorous and enjoyable.
January 18th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
Sorry if I offended anyone. No where did I make any statements derogatory to women. I was just pointing out that ML seems to chime in enthusiastically with condescending and contradictory statements toward male posters, and I was getting sick of it.
I will let it go, however I do think that you owe Jasmine from the other thread an apology, that was way over the line. Also I would try to be more conscious of the tone of your posts, when you responded to Phil unprovoked with phrases like:
“You know this HOW?”
“Women really like him and always have. WHERE are you getting this stuff?”
“I have NO IDEA where you got your notions.”
You are being confrontational. You could have simply offered the advice in your final paragraph instead of trying to discredit everything he said. When you try to discredit someone else you leave yourself open for others to try to discredit you, and on the internet a quick trip to google quickly reveals everything you have ever said and it can be used against you.
January 18th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Well vizslalvr your post sounds alot like something ML would write:
complaining that remembering her posts is creepy (its called a search engine) – check
claimed medical knowledge that seems straight off wikipedia – check
claiming “her man” is well hung – check
insistence that women perfer huge cocks – check
Identical quoting style and punctuation style including capitalizing WORDS FOR EMPHASIS – check
And you are the one accusing me of posting under diff names? Anyway I’m letting it go, goodnite.
January 19th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Jimbo, I have to agree with Vizslaver, (or he or she agrees with me) your interests in not only my posts, but my sex life is beyond “borderline” creepy.
This thread was supposed to have been for the Original Poster, who needed some help and tea and sympathy, NOT a scary recount of how much you seem to remember (much of it improperly) of what I have posted over the last 3 or 4 months.
I will ONLY address you one more time. Maybe you don’t understand how some relationships work. My Man WAS my first, I was very young when I first met him, and we both went on to sow our wild oats before rediscovering that we were the right ones for each other a number of years later. THAT is not uncommon. VERY common when people meet and one of them is very young.
Yes, I pushed “Phil” (you?) because he made crap up, which could well have put the OP in a situation where she felt helpless and hopeless (more misogyny, killing a woman’s desire to learn how to maintain her own sex life, and then ENJOY IT IS one pillar of misogyny.) As for the woman who was “offended” by my comments, they had NOTHING to do with her bf’s size, but his immature, manipulative behavior. SHE ASKED for “advice.” When you ask for advice on a Public Forum, be ready for some things which may actually cause you to think.
I owe no one an apology EXCEPT the OP of this thread, for what turned into a HIJACK of her issue.
I ATTEMPTED to answer her question, to the best of my experience (which is what this site is for) YOU saw it as yet an other attempt to “shut the bitch up” (yeah baby, that’s MISOGYNY) once again, even though YOU were not addressed in this thread originally, unless one of your other identities is “Phil.” YOU will not be addressed again. (Wish there was an “ignore function” on this site.)
I feel the rest of this thread really needs to be used to help the OP by posters who actually KNOW what they are talking about. I apologize to the OP for the intrusion, I hope this unpleasantness doesn’t prevent her from posting again.
January 19th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Jimbo – I suppose there’s nothing I can do to convince that I’m not ML.
“claimed medical knowledge that seems straight off wikipedia – check”
Actually, it’s information I got from my gynecologist. Although wikipedia is actually quite reliable.
“claiming “her man” is well hung – check”/”insistence that women perfer huge cocks – check”
Because it was pertinent to the OP’s question. Speaking from experience, as a woman who is dating a man with a large penis, I feel as if I am qualified to give her the advice she asked for. I have had uncomfortable sessions with my boyfriend because he is large, and I found that increasing foreplay and lubrication solves the problem of uncomfortable sex. That is my firsthand, real life experience with dating a guy with a huge cock. Unlike you, I actually gave the OP real advice instead of whining because someone claimed that they prefer bigger penises. Which many, if not most, women do. I not only prefer a large penis for the increased penetration and the wonderful feeling of being “full” when a man is inside me, but also because I find it aesthetically pleasing when a man drops trousers and has a large dick. It’s just that “wow” factor. I also prefer circumcised dicks. Does that make me a bad person? No. It means I [b]prefer[/b] the aesthetic look of them. I wouldn’t turn a guy with a small dick or a foreskin out of bed, and I might enjoy myself just as much, but as I previously stated [b]all things equal[/b] a big dick is better.
“Identical quoting style and punctuation style including capitalizing WORDS FOR EMPHASIS – check”
I’m so, so [b]so[/b] sorry. I’m not sure if this forum supports html codes, so I err on the side of caution and use caps instead of bolds usually.
I’m not ML, but I was expressing the fact that I agree with her assessment than a lot of women like large penises and it’s totally possible to have enjoyable sex with a man with a large penis. I was chiming in with my personal experience and advice. If you want to, in your warped perception, assume that because someone disagrees with you, they are posing as someone else, fine. But you are incorrect.
January 19th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
And as a corollary to vizsalvr’s last, I personally prefer shorter women with large breasts and child-bearing hips, but would not turn a petite one out of bed either. I’m sure I’d relish the experience.
And don’t give me shit about how women can enlarge their breasts and men can’t have bigger dicks.Few things turn me off more than fake breasts.
One hopes that women aren’t going to let the disappointing moment of the Average Dick Reveal turn them off, but if so, then you probably wouldn’t want to sleep with her anyway, if appearances are all that matter to her.
January 19th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
I have same problem. My penis is 7 inches but my gf is really small. I can’t put it all the way in and I have to go so slo I can never cum. Tried lube and stuff, but it just doesn’t work. Scared she will break up with me cause sex hurts so much. Is there a way to make her bigger.
January 20th, 2010 at 9:42 am
HBO, a woman’s vagina changes during sex, opening to allow her partner to enter easily, but remains the basically same resting size for most of her life.
Childbirth can slightly relax the muscles and tissues, but my guess is if you can’t move during intercourse enough to generate an orgasm for yourself, what needs to be worked on is more relaxation on her part. It is easier said than done. A woman can be told “Just relax.” all you want, and it won’t work. There is a LOT to really relaxing. If sex has already hurt, it will only cause a vicious cycle.
Does your gf masturbate? Is she able to reach orgasm while masturbating? That not only helps with vaginal changes during sex, but also with helping a woman learn to come to orgasm (it isn’t as automatic in us as it is in you guys, most of the time.) My guess is you are not able to orgasm while penetrating her due to the fear of hurting her, which is very empathetic on your part.
Do you masturbate regularly (you don’t have to answer on the thread) Experimenting with different ways of masturbating may help. If you have been using a very vigorous technique, it could be that trying a more gentle approach, at least some of the time, could help you learn to come to orgasm with more gentle stimulation. OR you could incorporate masturbation in your sexual routine, and that might help both of you.
Could she bring you to orgasm with oral sex for a while, taking breaks for short bursts of vaginal penile sex, and you bring her to orgasm the same way? That way you will both learn what you both like, and often AFTER she has her first orgasm, she should be relaxed enough to be able to accommodate you more easily. Nobody said sex has to be “5 minutes of him getting oral, 2 minutes of her getting some handwork, a few minutes of her getting oral and then nothing but intercourse after that, expecting everybody to come.” A LOT of people mix it up for variety and to enjoy different types of stimulation.
People really WERE meant to fit together. My Man is over 6 ft tall and around 190 lbs, and I am a tiny little 5 ft woman (when I’m stretching the truth) who weighs about 120 lbs. I weighed 92 lbs when we first got together and was actually shorter, as I was either not done growing, or grew a half inch in height due to the growth hormones present in my body during my first two pregnancies. Lube, lots of arousal (sometimes just lying together and rubbing your bodies together can do WONDERFUL things for sexual arousal problems) and time helped us a lot.
I admire your not wanting to hurt her, and for the time being there are other ways to come to orgasm. I suggest the two of you try some alternatives, while still working on arousal and LOTS of oral sex, and skin to skin contact for both of you and still attempting vaginal sex, until you get it right.
IF she still feels pain after a few weeks, she needs to see her doctor to rule out vaginismus (an abnormal tightening of the ring of muscle at the opening of the vagina, which can actually cause either very painful intercourse or actually prevent intercourse) or an other problem, like either a yeast infection or a bacterial or parasitic infection of the vagina or the urinary tract.
Good luck to both of you.
January 21st, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Everyone should really calm down on this message board. I read these all the time and have always enjoyed how, for the most part, civil people are to each other.
As to the question: I had a similar problem to this with a girlfriend in college. I am about 8 long and 6 around, and found that with time, patience, and a LOT OF LUBE we had a great sex life. One trick we found was to spend plenty of time going down on each other, then put it in, and do very, very short thrusts for a few minutes ( felt like minutes, probably more like A minute). It seemed to let her vagina slowly get accustomed to it. However, I would imagine that nature is just cruel and makes 2 people not quite fit together.
The downside was that the quicky is not an option, which is a tragedy, but also just makes you be more creative. Good luck. And to everyone: Skill makes up for size anyday according to all past girlfriends I have had, and given that I am a bit larger they were not saying it to make me feel better. So chill out, lifes to short!
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:33 am
My guy is really long and his girth is big. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable. I agree with the earlier posts. The female definately needs to be turned on. Also lube is a must. But do not be afraid to tell your man that he needs to thrust shallower. Keeping a hand at the base of the penis to limit penetration is a good idea but can be but can be hard to maintain in some positions. Laying on your sides in a spooning position can do wonders. If you want to try doggie style here is a suggestion. Keep your legs inside of his. This can keep him from thrusting too deeply. Also try reverse cowgirl. Have your man sit back on a couch. Then mount him facing away from him. You can use your legs and/or your hands on his thighs to limit the depth of pentration. The most important thing to remember is to not get frustrated. Play around with different positions. You will find the positions that work for both of you.
January 31st, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Haha, 8 in. circum. thats a joke. That would be the thickest penis on record. Any woman who goes around spouting off actual numbers is suspect. Didn’t she also say 1.75-2 in wide? That would have to make it 3-4 inches thick from top to bottom. A very odd looking cock.
I love these penis size threads, all I have to do is find one and I get my daily laugh, very entertaining. Woman seem to be “hung” up on it as much as men, coming on these sites and positing outrageous numbers. The truth is a penis over 8 inches long is in the 96th or so % and over seven probably in the 90th. Yet every woman either currently has a man with one or has had a few 9 and 10 inchers. As far as girth most woman will never see a penis over 6 inches.
July 9th, 2010 at 1:21 am
Wow. I have been looking for advice on this issue for a little while, and it’s somewhat comforting to see that people have overcome it.
My boyfriend and I are college seniors, and we just had sex for the first time about a month ago. We were both virgins, and we have NO IDEA what we’re doing. He’s rather well-endowed, and I’m very petite (4’10” and 21 years old!)
We love each other very much, and want this to work out, but sex has been very painful! We use lube, and usually spend at least 30 minutes in foreplay, but it’s still very painful and he can usually only get halfway in in missionary…
Are we missing something…? Is it possible for people in our situation to enjoy sex?
September 22nd, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Madamoiselle L: My wife is also a nurse, an OR nurse, and she has been in on a handfull of torn vagina cases, also a few damaged penises that neede surgical correction. So it does happen. Good for you that you are happy with your man’s dinkus, but you do sound like an average Joe-hating, snobby know it all, braggert (to other women especially I would think) with your rants about Jimbo. Of course I haven’t met a nurse yet (wife included) that didn’t constantly brag about their medical knowledge, especially human anatomy. you are certainly entitled to your opinion, as am I, and here’s mine. YOU’RE OBNOXIOUS!
September 22nd, 2010 at 2:14 pm
As far as I can tell, Jimbo just went back to the previous threads that he happened upon to prove that he was telling the truth about madamL, Doing a little research to defend yourself in an argument is not being creepy, especially with written evidence that can be easily pasted to a comment. As far as I’m concerned MadamL lost credibility when Jimbo retrieved the comments that MadamL made, and refused to acknowledge. This has nothing to do with Penii anymore, it is now about credibility, and Jimbo wins there.
RickA, you are right, there is documented evidence about Penis size averages, and extremes, and it seems that almost everygirl that is willing to talk sex has had one of these whoppers. Well, I think it’s true, most women have, and here is why: Women hae a lot more sex than they will ever tell anybody about. i had a buddyb that would crash at my place when we were in our early 20′s, and you wouldn’t believe how many women (married mostly) that would knock on my door at night just to have a quickie with him, and then go straight home to their hbbies afterward, all the while owning their husbands trust. I was never into being a hme wrecker, but they weren’t that into me either, lol. This dude was notorious for ( I never cared to look) having a huge member, too. Women would also approach him while he was playing pool, or just hanging out when we went to the bars back in the day. They would walk from the otherside of the bar (big bar/club), hand him their number, make eye contact, and leave, this happened with different women everytime I went anywhere with this dude. I was just blown away by how forward some wmen are. How did they know he had a big weiner from all the way across the bar? I think women can look at a man in a split second and have him memorized from head to toe, including a bulge in the crotch area. So yes, I agree that at least some, maybe more, women prefer a big weiner. Feedback ladies?
October 4th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
How did this turn from giving a girl who’s having very personal trouble advice into people trying to hurt each other? Even if nobody else is going to say it, I am. Madamoiselle, I’m sorry Jimbo went after you like that- some of the stuff he said was really personal and harsh. People really let loose on the internet sometimes. And Jimbo, it sounds like you read some comments that hit where it hurts, and they stuck with you- I know how hard it can be to bite your tongue when someone says something that really pushes your buttons.
But I checked out this thread because I needed advice/perspective. I just tried sex for the first time last night, and found that my boyfriend’s so large we have trouble fitting. He’s very experienced and was very patient and tender, I was very aroused and wet enough to where I’m sure it’s not a lubrication issue, but it still hurt badly enough that we needed to slow down and eventually stop.
I’m sure that I have no medical issues which would make sex unusually painful. I had a pap smear and exam within the last few months, and know that everything’s normal and healthy. Nor am I particularly sensitive to pain; I do Krav and Hapkido, and spent years in competitive Hunter/jumper horseback. I’ve climbed right back on the horse after getting bucked off and smashed through a fence. But trying sex was quite painful, and in a much more nerve-wracking and personal way than the normal sprains and bruises I’m used to.
thinker~ I can’t vouch for other women, but as long as there’s no genuine medical or health issue going on, I honestly don’t give a fig about size. Maybe women who are more into experimentation and are more interested in sex for the purely physical do- (and even if it’s not my preference I find nothing wrong with that. Props to them for knowing how to enjoy themselves!)- but as far as I’ve seen in myself and most of my friends, it doesn’t even enter the equation of whether or not they’re attracted to a man.
As I said, his size has no bearing on my feelings for him; the only reason I’m mentioning it is because it’s making intercourse hard for us. (Pun, Lol!) I want to enjoy sex with him, and I want make sure that he’s satisfied, and that I don’t have to stop and ‘take a break’ or ask him to slow down when he’s really into it. We tried messing around orally, but it stretches my jaw so much that I had trouble holding my mouth that wide for more than a minute or two. But he’s been really good to me, and I want to make sure he enjoys himself in turn; any advice onto how I can learn or adjust to accommodate him, or something else I can do to ensure he’s satisfied?
October 10th, 2010 at 4:48 am
Wow, I always swear to never to return to this message board and yet to I do—I suppose because I enjoy debating utterly inconsequential issues such as this.
I want to address Jimbo. Here’s what’s going on here, as I see it: one gender has been placed in the role of “evaluator,” and the other in the role of “evaluated.” Therefore one—the evaluators—feels powerful, and enjoys getting to dispense authoratative judgements on the topic at hand, and the other—the evaluated—can’t help but to feel insecure. When the topic is penis size, women are obviously the evaluators and men the evaluated.
Were the situation reversed, I’m sure numerous women would be writing in complaining about men being less than sensitive in this forum. There probably would be quite a few men being less than sensitive (i.e. bragging about how perfect their particular girlfriend’s body happened to be etc.). One might argue that such a statement is simply a statement of preference, not an “evil” comment. Indeed, many women in this forum make this argument when they say things like, “Am I a bad person for liking bigger penises? Of course not!”
But here’s the truth: anytime someone has a preference that numerous other people don’t measure up to, and that someone goes around boldly stating that preference everywhere, then numerous people are bound to get hurt. In this instance it’s girls like ML with penis size, but it could just as easily be men brazenly stating their preferences for perfectly figured, big-breasted women. (Women, I have no illusions, I know that the sword quite cruelly cuts both ways with body issues.)
Imagine for a second an Em and Lo equivalent for guys, let’s call it Jim and Bo. Imagine a guy writing in complaining that he has gradually come to realize that his girlfriend’s body is simply deficient as a turn on and he’s wondering what to do about it. You can imagine various guys writing in with descriptions of their girlfriends’ perfect bodies and how they don’t have to deal with the letter writer’s issue, and then giving their opinions (just as has occurred with the topic of penis size and the gender roles reversed through these forums). I know for a fact that this hypothetical situation would affront numerous women to varying degrees, because they would feel put off by guys critiquing their girlfriend’s bodies in such open, blunt ways. Numerous charges of objectification might be raised, and, I should add, rightly so. These women would be reacting to their own body insecurities, and would have these insecurities exacerbated by reading guys’ frank discussions on the topic of the sexy female body.
My point is this: it’s fine to have one’s preferences, they are unavoidable. What is NOT fine, is to voice them in a way that may hurt others. For instance, I would never voice my preferences for a girl’s body around girls who did not fit them. In fact, I probably wouldn’t verbalize them around any girls, because to do so just seems insensitive to me.
What ML and many others have done in these forums is reveled in the opportunity to evaluate the opposite sex (regarding penis size), rather than be evaluated by it (as men do regarding women’s weight, breast size, ass size and shape, legs, etc). In this enthusiasm they have made comments regarding their preferences that are untempered by any sense of empathy for the opposite sex.
Yes ML, this is why I believe Jimbo called you out: you seem to revel in your preferences and state them repeatedly—preferences that exploit others’ sensitivities. Tons of other people do it in these forums; you happen to be one of the more vocal ones. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion, as is everyone else, but the measurement of partner’s genitalia has absolutely nothing to do with your professed purpose: helping the original letter writers to Em and Lo solve their problems.
Nor, really, does stating what your size preference even is. Why don’t you just help the girl out with how to solve her problem? Where do your PERSONAL size preferences factor in? This goes out to many more here than just ML.
October 10th, 2010 at 5:06 am
Put succinctly:
What is our purpose here? To help the original letter writers to Em and Lo solve their problems? Or to discuss or our personal preferences regarding bodies of the opposite sex? Clearly the former. Therefore statements like, “I prefer big ones, how does that make me a bad person, my boyfriend is x inches long, etc” are completely irrelevant to the topic at hand because they don’t solve anyone’s problem.
If such preferences come up, they should be stated in a manner that is SENSITIVE to others’ insecurities, NOT in a manner than can be interpreted as bragging, judging, or other condemnatory behavior.
People who are insensitive in stating their preferences ignore how it feels to be judged based on unchangeable aspects of one’s body. Such statements of preference are the true ad hominem attacks occurring here.
November 12th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I know from personal experience that penis size can be a hinderance during intercourse. I too am 8″ in circumference. Some women can handle it and some women cannot. Some women are small down there. It has been an impediment in my dating as I might like a girl, get to know her, then the act comes into play. After all the time is spent getting to know someone, the sex sucks because the pain can be unbearable for her. I have been told by women, “I know what it is like to almost have a baby,” to “I don’t think I could get used to THAT!” So, even though women can have a baby, if she wants to have a baby on a regular basis, having a large penis and a small vagina doesn’t work over the long term.
November 12th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
….I should add, “if she wants to have a baby on a daily or weekly regular basis,” having a large penis and small vagina doesn’t work over the long term.
January 10th, 2012 at 5:06 am
I think I would take a large penis any day then get one that I can’t find or is limp in a minute and be miserble. Just enjoy what your man is blessed with and be proud he has picked you to share his passion with. There are millions of women who would line up for a good nite of sex with desent guy with his large penis attach an never complain. Be walking funny the next day but proud of it. Sex is for enjoyment to not just birth.
January 10th, 2012 at 5:09 am
by the way my man is 26cm and i love it
January 10th, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Well said Don Quixote. I would like to add that some women can suffer with a condition called vaginismus. The condition means that women either suffer from extreme pain during sex/inserting the penis or cannot have sex at all. It usually has a psychological basis and is most commonly found in young women. However, with counselling many women improve or are cured completely. I suffer with this problem and I was unable to have sex for many years. I still suffer from some pain during sex but it helps if my partner’s penis is smaller. I could absolutely not date a man with a large penis. I have tried but it is not worth the pain at all. However, for me just being able to have sex and thus a relationship is amazing as I never thought I would be able to have sex. If any woman reading this thinks this sounds like them then please go and get some help.
March 18th, 2012 at 7:19 pm
How does a man with a penis that is 8+ long and 5.25+ inches in girth find a woman who is sexually compatible?
I have been looking for over 10+ years. It is very depressing. I get so tired of wasting time and money dating just to find out we are not sexually compatible. Should I try dating sites and just put a warning on my profile to quickly eliminate non compatibles.
I have heard all the crap about a woman can stretch etc. Even if the vagina stretches there can still be discomfort. I have also notices my ex got yeast infections often.
I have a terrible, terrible time with busting condoms.
I am not trying to be funny or ask stupid questions etc. I am dead serious. Have any studies been done to find out how many women are actually capable of enjoying more than 7 inches?
The size of my penis has always been a very depressing issue for me and has lead to life long sexual frustration and it seems like it will never get better.
May 25th, 2012 at 12:44 am
the thing is if you become involved with a guy who has a large penis and you mention you like it to your friends, you begin to get little jokes and comments about it.
March 4th, 2013 at 5:16 pm
Penis size is a novelty issue. It’s just not that important to most women.
All things being equal, bigger is better. But all things are NEVER equal.