Other peopleâ€™s dreams are never interestingâ€¦except when theyâ€™re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two months. We’re very happy, he’s my best friend, and I’m head over heels in love with him. However, I’ve been having regular dreams about my ex-boyfriend. I was with him for 18 months, and we ended messily after I confessed I’d cheated. I later found out he’d cheated on me as well. In the dreams, we’re either together again and happy, or I’m trying to get him to come back to me, or I’m out for revenge. Why do I still dream about him when I’m happy with my current boyfriend?
Lauri: You may indeed be happy with your current boyfriend but odds areâ€¦ you are not happy with yourself and the way things went down with the ex. You see, the majority of our dreams are caused by unresolved issues and your feelings and thoughts regarding your past relationship are clearly unresolved. Your variety of dreams involving him show us the inner conflict of emotions you still have about the whole thing.
The dreams where you are together and happy are connected to your feelings of wanting to be at peace with the relationship and wanting to remember the good times from it. The dreams where you are trying to get him back are connected to the guilt you have for doing him wrong. And, of course, the dreams where you try to get revenge are connected to your anger that he went and did you wrong too! Whew. Iâ€™m emotionally depleted from going over all that! As long as you continue to have conflicting emotions you will continue to have these dreams.
Since you canâ€™t undo it, you may as well learn from it so that your current relationship doesnâ€™t wind up an angry, guilt-riddled mess as well. Simply taking on the mindset of “lesson learned” and “wiser for the wear” is all it takes to make the dreams stop.
Dreamer’s Response: I’d say you’re spot on with your analysis! I feel bad about the way it all ended and wish I could undo it all. It’s good to know that I can, and should, just move on. Thank you!