Say what you will about John Mayer’s music — here marks the spot where Lo censored Em’s compliments about “Your Body Is a Wonderland” as a matter of principle — his Tweets are some of the funniest in the biz. (Okay, so he doesn’t have a lot of competition. Britney Spears: “How’s everyone’s 2010 going so far?”) Anyway, love him or hate him — or, most likely, a combination of the two — we thought you’d appreciate some of his Tweet-wisdom (twisdom?) on the topics of love, sex, bodily functions, and other important stuff. Here are a dozen of our favorites from the last month or so — you can follow him yourself at Twitter.com/JohnCMayer:
- What 1 area of your body gets touched the least? I’m going to guess sub-scrotal flange, but it could also be knee cleavage.
- If you call a girl 62 times and she’s sleeping, does it read in the morning as one missed call or 62? Asking for a friend.
- Waitresses of Vegas, be advised: I have no wife, children or endorsements. In other words, I have nothing to offer you.
- I wish I could take all you lonely hearts to a movie tonight. Maybe some Chinese food. Nothing crazy. [Tweeted Christmas Eve]
- It’s never the part of the karaoke where you’re singing. It’s the long instrumentals/solos that make you feel like a jack’s ass.
- I need to get back into the gym. I’m all for having boobs against my chest but not when they’re mine.