Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do men snoop on their partners? (E.g. reading their texts or emails when they’re in the shower, listening in on phone calls, etc.)“
Straight Single Guy (Colin Adamo): Unless it’s an emergency situation, we just don’t want to know. For most men, ignorance is bliss. We’ve got so many more interesting things to do with our time (with inventions like XBox, internet porn, and fantasy football) that digging through your dirt to discover something juicy would just be a distraction. If we have serious suspicions we might snoop as a last resort — so if you catch your man red-handed you know something is up and it’s time to have a conversation.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): To paraphrase the wise sage Whitney Houston: “If six of y’all went out, then four of you were really cheap — ’cause I found your credit card receipt.” Hey, I do the laundry around here, so it’s a completely plausible scenario in my home. I don’t want any gum left in his pockets accidentally mucking up the washing machine, ya know? But it wasn’t until nine years into our relationship that I snooped through his cellphone, and I only did it because of some relationship insecurities. After discovering a whole lotta stuff I didn’t want or need to know, I then got to feel more insecure. So I’m sure men snoop, but does it help? Nope. Does it make a situation worse, crank up the distrust, and create an environment of deception? You betcha. My advice, let karma run its course. It’ll all wash out in the end.
Straight Married Guy (Matt): I feel like most of the stories I’ve heard from friends involve the woman snooping on her partner, but I’m sure plenty of men snoop, too. I’ve snooped in partners’ emails twice. One time the girl had cheated and I confirmed my suspicions, and the other time a different girlfriend had written some emails to an ex that were sexually inappropriate… so while it wasn’t technically cheating, I felt at least the tiniest bit justified in my snooping. It’s a shameful business, and my feeling is you deserve what you find — which is why I made a deal with myself not to snoop after the last incident caused a major fight and left me feeling really shitty about both my partner and myself for quite a while.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Colin Adamo is an undergrad at Yale University where he directs the biennial Sex Week at Yale; the other two are a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.