Violet Blue has written about a zillion books on the subject of sex, but finally there’s one you can discuss with your grandmother: Seal It with a Kiss: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Delivering the Knockout Kiss. Seeing as the national smooch holiday is almost upon us, we thought we’d check in with Violet for some of her best snogging advice.
Em & Lo: Do you think good kissing chemistry is a reliable indicator of good sexual chemistry And is the reverse true, if the kissing is bad, do you think the sex is likely to be bad?
Violet Blue: When we first kiss, it’s often the moment we know — instantly — whether or not we “click” with someone’s chemistry. Our senses are fully engaged, and we’re truly drinking in everything; sight, taste, smell, feel, the sounds, the essence of the person we’re quite literally tasting. There are parts of us taking in and reacting to the person we’re kissing that we’re not even aware of, let alone in control of. It’s exciting! So if we can shut off our brains for a minute and listen to our bodies and intuition, kissing is a very reliable barometer for knowing if it’s going to be hot — or not.
If you want to deliver the first kiss, how can you tell that it’ll be welcome?
Besides asking sweetly? Well if you’re one of the lucky few who “just know” then you are indeed lucky, but if you’re like the rest of us, you’ll want to look for concrete signs and signals. When you’re ready to move in for the kiss, look to the lips to see if they’re clamped together and uninviting, or relaxed and ready for a kiss. See if the other person is unconsciously (or consciously) imitating your body language; mirroring means they’re ready to follow your lead. And check to see if they’re in close physical proximity, closer than ordinary. People who are desiring physical contact will gravitate to you, and place themselves a step closer than would be typical for acquaintances.
So if you’re too shy to deliver the first kiss, does this mean you can use body language to let someone know that a kiss would be welcome?
Yes! Make eye contact for a count of three to five seconds. If you dare, smile at the end of your count. Incline your head close, especially during eye contact. If that doesn’t work, try the eye contact count a second time and glance at their lips, then back to the eyes before smiling and looking away. If they still don’t get the hint, start your eye contact count, smile, and draw more attention to your lips by touching the corner of your mouth for a quick second with your finger. It’s your subliminal way of saying, “Right here, pal.”