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How to Greet a Former One-Night Stand

Wed, Mar 10, 2010

Advice, How To

photo by //steph_vee.

We know you’re not perfect. At some point, most of you will walk out on a one-night stand without so much as a “Thanks for the sex!” Post-It note. We don’t condone this behavior, but we can offer an emergency guideline, should you happen to bump into this person at a later date. However, this is the etiquette equivalent of the morning-after pill — don’t rely on it as routine! Here are some ways you might approach your former one-night stand — mix and match as you see fit:

The Ice-Breaker: “Excuse me, don’t I know you?”

The Inquisitive: “Hey, how’s it going? Had any good one-night stands lately?”

The Small White Lie: “I tried to wake you, but you were in your R.E.M. cycle and couldn’t be roused.” (Our least favorite.)

The Big Fat Obvious and Therefore Funny Lie: “Sorry, I had to get home to wash my hair.” (Much better!)

The Better Late Than Never: “I forgot to leave this with you the other day.” (At which point you pass a note that includes above-mentioned witty banter and self-deprecating joke — to be sure, it is a tad involved, but it could work if jotted down quickly on a cocktail napkin after bumping into this person at a bar.)

The T.M.I.: “I started to get the beer runs and didn’t want to taint your bathroom.” (Sure to guarantee the platonic nature of your relationship for all eternity.)

The Projection: “I can’t believe you left without saying goodbye.”

The Here Are My Manners: “Sorry I left without saying goodbye. That was so rude of me. Let me make it up to you and buy you a drink. And don’t worry, I promise not to get us both wasted this time.”

From our bi-weekly Metro column — see it in print here.

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3 Responses to “How to Greet a Former One-Night Stand”

  1. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Worst way ever: “Hey, how are you doing? Oh, I’d like you to meet your son.”

  2. Spes Says:

    Wasn’t there an 80′s song about that?

  3. SS Says:

    Spes: Googling this was much more fun than folding laundry, which is what I’m supposed to be doing…

    ‚ÄĘ”All I wanna do is make love to you”,
    By Heart
    This song is about a married woman who can’t conceive with her husband so she goes about having one night stands with strangers to get herself preggers. “So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note I told him I am the flower you are the seed We walked in the garden we planted a tree” then later in the song we hear the lyrics “Then it happened one day, we came round the same way You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes I said please, please understand I’m in love with another man And what he couldn’t give me was the one little thing that you can” this tell us that she is happy now and is pleading with him not to say anything. A classic tune!


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