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Introducing “The Virgin Diaries”

Wed, Mar 31, 2010

Confessions, Personal Post

photo by Rafael Acorsi

Perhaps you’re familiar with our regular contributor, Katherine Chen, a sophomore English major at Princeton University. She’s written several thoughtful essays on topics like porn and puberty. What really sets apart her involvement with our site about sex, however, is the fact that she’s never had any. But just because one may not have that much experience getting naked with a partner does NOT mean they won’t have a developed sense of sexuality or interesting things to say about it. So check out Katherine’s previous installments of what we’re now calling “The Virgin Diaries” below, and stay tuned for her next entry tomorrow, on how video games have informed her idea of sexiness.

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10 Responses to “Introducing “The Virgin Diaries””

  1. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I enjoyed Ms. Chen’s essay on porn. However, the idea that “she‚Äôs never had any. But just because one may not have that much experience getting naked with a partner does NOT mean they won‚Äôt have a developed sense of sexuality or interesting things to say about it.” END QUOTE

    This may be an odd analogy, but I have a freind who doesn’t drink (neither do I, but that’s neither here nor there) He had a terror of “being out of control” if he became even the slightest bit tipsy, so he never sampled more than a few drops, not enough to judge at all. He decided he DESIRED to become a wine connoisseur. He read all he could about wine, he frequented wine shops and tastings (while just lookin,) he talked to people, he read all the right books and subscribed to all the right magazines, he even started to give OHTERS “advice” on the right wines.

    BUT, he never drank any of it. All his “developed sense and interesting things to say” about wine were based on hearsay and academic sources. In the end, he gave it up, because he never could bring himself to take more than a sip or so of any of the stuff. He didn’t want to “waste his time” on cheap or inferior wine, but without experience, he had no way to know what “good” was.

    This is a true story. I thought it was apropos. I hope Ms. Chen decides to join the ranks of the Initiated, so her writing (which is actually skillful and quite good) can reflect actual knowledge about the subject.

    JMO. ;)

  2. emandlo Says:

    Madamoiselle L: The big difference between wine and sex is that sexual desire, sexual fantasy, sexual thoughts, sexual identity, these things are all a HUGE part of sex and don’t need to involve a partner at all. Fantasizing about wine doesn’t tell you a thing about what it’s like to either taste wine or be drunk. But fantasizing sexually, getting turned on IS a sexual experience, whether you invite a partner along for the ride or not.

  3. Madamoiselle L Says:

    True. :)

  4. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Unless you are going to call it “The Masturbation Diaries.” (better?) I kinda don’t get it. (I’m dense that way.) You can get thirsty (desire) and quench it, and still have no idea what a good wine experience is like. Right? (Unless she’s posting her Cherry Poppin story, I guess.)

    But, from where I see it comparing experienced partnered sex with a virgin’s masturbatory fumbling is like comparing a Mouton Rothschild 1945 to….grape Kool Aid with a shot of whatever you can steal from Dad’s liquor cabinet added to it. ;)

    Too mean? Sorry.

    I don’t get it, I guess. I’ll trust you ladies to know what you are doing.

  5. emandlo Says:

    ML, we don’t buy the Kool Aid plus shot analogy. We like to think that this site can present a really broad range of stories and voices, and we happen to think that Katherine has a unique perspective. This country (and not just the far right) has such a screwed up notion of virginity and “purity” and being tainted and all that crap. Katherine approaches her virginity in a totally different way, and we think that following her journey (as one story among many MANY others on this site) is fascinating.

  6. emandlo Says:

    P.S.: For the record, one of the reasons that we decided to gather all Katherine’s columns under the umbrella title The Virgin Diaries is that we realize that the fact that she is a virgin is relevant and important to know when you read her take on ANY topic relating to sex. Meaning, we understand that her take is necessarily different from the take of someone who has had sex.

  7. Julie S. Says:

    I like this concept and find it really interesting. Not enough emphasis is placed on the subject of virginity on other sex & relationship websites. Bravo for coming up with this idea!

  8. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Well, I’m willing to be open minded and give it a shot. Y’all haven’t let me down yet with the content. :)

  9. ADelaney Says:

    This sounds fantastic. I am currently in the same boat, almost a sophomore, interested in sex and very sexual, but still a virgin. I also don’t have the excuse of religion to explain why I haven’t had sex. It is a very difficult place to be, most people just don’t get it. Hopefully these ‘virgin diaries’ will be a breath of fresh air.

  10. Aunt Flow Says:

    Me likey. Too often heterosexual penetrative intercourse is the gold standard by which all other sexual activity is measured, as if it’s the be all end all. But where would that put lesbians? Or a quadriplegic who can’t have traditional sex? Or how about someone who has had sex before but isn’t engaged in it now — would that make them unqualified to talk about their current sense of sexuality which involves fantasy, masturbation, future hopes? Those kind of different perspectives are interesting. And why does Ms. Chen need to rush things? She’s young! To hurry up and get it over with seems so American, and so “American-Pie”-ish. And it’s not like she’s a prude preaching abstinence til marriage (or she wouldn’t be writing so openly on this kind of site). Also, why NOT call it the Virgin Diaries? That’s the author’s perspective from which she experiences various things: masturbation perhaps, fantasy, desire. If they called it Masturbation Diaries, ANYBODY who masturbated could fall in that category — the current title is just more accurate and focused. Basically, one’s sexuality exists whether there’s a partner involved or not, and it’s nice to hear from someone who’s focused on herself and what she wants rather than someone who’s focused on what everyone else is doing (which is probably the majority of college-aged women).


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