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Wise Guys: Can a Booty Call Ever Blossom?

Tue, Mar 2, 2010

Advice, Wise Guys

photo by Joe M500

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,“If a guy’s in a booty call relationship with a woman, is there a chance he’d ever want to actually date her, could it ever blossom into something more?”

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): The bottom line in any booty call relationship is that there’s no chance it’ll become something more while it‚Äôs ongoing.¬† The only way for a booty call relationship to blossom into something more is to Cut.¬† Off.¬† That. Booty.¬† Shut it down.¬† Pull up the pants.¬† Get out the Do Not Enter sign underwear.¬†¬† No one buys the cow when they‚Äôre getting milked for free.¬† If there‚Äôs really something there, a booty embargo should answer whether the person is really interested in being with you.

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Most guys have that one girl that they know they can call — after a few drinks, late at night, they’re lonely — to come over and hit the sheets. Typically he has no interest in taking things any further with her. If he did, he’d be taking her out on dates, calling her to spend time with her, being available before midnight, etc. Any woman who is hoping to take her booty call down the aisle (or at least to meet the parents some day) needs to realize she is the one making herself available on demand, hence resigning herself to booty-call status. If that’s what she wants then great. If she is expecting it to turn into something more, she needs to speak up. The truth from him might hurt, but at least she’ll know where she stands. CAUTION: Actions speak louder than words. If he tells you everything you want to hear and then continues the same booty-call behavior, this relationship is going nowhere.

Straight Married Guy (David Felsen): It’s definitely possible for a booty call to blossom into a rose of relationship complete with babies and white picket fences. But a guy is going to struggle to convert that booty call into a relationship if he feels she only sees him as a stunt cock; unless she’s willing to take things to the street, a restaurant or a theater, I don’t see much of a future. The same goes for gals: if he’s not willing to be seen in public with you, forget it. Also, if either party has bunny-boiling potential, forget it. Otherwise, I don’t think anyone should rule out dating their booty call — unless, of course, your booty call is your cousin. (This advice does not apply Alabamans.)

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is NY writer-comedian David Felsen; our Gay Guy is¬†Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question,¬†click here. To ask the guys your own question,¬†click here.

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8 Responses to “Wise Guys: Can a Booty Call Ever Blossom?”

  1. Johnny Says:

    Not really.

    Sex on a first date? Yeah, that can definitely become a relationship. In fact, with the right two people, it can greatly accelerate the relationshipification process.

    But a girl who’s a booty call… nah… that’s the girl who gets ditched when the guy meets a woman he really wants to be with. Same vice versa, I suppose.

    Booty calls are usually women who, for one reason or another, don’t quite make the cut. Again, probably true the other way around, too.

  2. AlanK Says:

    In sex as in everything else, “begin as you would end.” Come to think of it, that applies to having sex before you know someone and ordering the “girliest” thing on the menu. Once you are perceived as something (or someone) it’s damn hard to back out.

  3. Virginia Slim Says:

    Who would ever want to mess up a good thing like dependable and reliable sex for the sake of having a relationship?
    It’s true what they say that women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex.
    Trying to be the cool, laid back, sex crazed chick will not make him want to be your man.
    Why would you want him to anyway? Enjoy the ride. Find another man you like..have your cake and eat it too.

  4. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Virgina said: “Trying to be the cool, laid back, sex crazed chick will not make him want to be your man.” REALLY? I beg to differ. I guess it depends on the guy, what kind of guy you like AND your attitude towards sex.

    I am seeing a lot of “why would he buy the cow….milk for free” references. THIS points to both some men and women who see sex as a Commodity which women “give” (or sell, if one really sticks to the Cow analogy) and men “take.” (or buy)

    Sex, when done properly, benefits both partners. It is NOT a “prize” that women give away only to the “perfect man” and the highest bidder, at least not women with a real sex drive and any semblance of self esteem.

    As for the “booty call” thing, nah, probably most won’t evolve into a real relationship. I’d think anyone getting into a Booty Call type situation would realize this. Yet, I’ve known too many women who cling to any attention her Fuck Buddy gives her, despite the obvious lack of interest in anything else on his part to everyone else. So many women engage in SO much wishful thinking. It’s kind of sad. A fuck buddy is only going to be that, most of the time.

    But, I really HATE the whole idea that sex is a “present” or “gift” that women give to men. Ot something she “allows.” Cripes, how Victorian. I can only see this as thought by women who really don’t know how to enjoy it. “Oh, it’s something I let him HAVE so he will do other things for me.” WTF?

    Sex should NEVER be thought of as a commodity, unless you are in the Sex Industry. Then, I guess the whole “cow-milk-farmer-free” thing may work. (which is why “Pretty Woman” is the most stupid,
    unrealistic, degrading, and damaging-to-women movie EVER made.)

    When women continue to think of sex as a commodity, they not only start using it as a “reward” or holding it back as a “punishment” for things her Man does or doesn’t do, but the relationship then becomes only a series of manipulative endeavors, and tricks, in which neither the partner can ever feel happy or comfortable. It’s just sad, I know too many women who see sex this way. And none of them seem to enjoy it very much. For them, it’s just a way to “get things and get him to do things.” UG.

  5. Madamoiselle L Says:

    AlanK, I love your posts, but tell me, just what IS “the girliest thing on the menu.” LOL!

    BTW, I usually order a steak.

  6. figleaf Says:

    For the record, just this morning the Dilbert cartoonist, Scott Adams, has a post up about curiosity that also happens to knock this question out of the park on his blog. (Yes, he has a blog.) Anyway, he’s talking about curiosity and attraction as general principles but, well, just check this out.

    Curiosity is one of the most underrated phenomena in the world. It’s ironic that people aren’t more curious about curiosity. It’s a powerful thing.

    For example, if you ever wondered if someone is attracted to you, the answer lies in curiosity. If someone asks personal questions about your past, your plans, your likes and dislikes, that is an unambiguous sign of attraction. If someone tries to steer you into the bedroom without some conspicuous data gathering, that is a sign of simple horniness.

    He said it here

    That sounds about right though doesn’t it?

    I’d just like to slip in between Madamoiselle and Virginia Slim (in the non-innuendo sense) and say that while it’s not necessarily true that no-genuine-curiosity booty-call relationships might almost never “blossom” into long-term romance, neither do most genuine friendships. But here’s the trick: booty-call relationships can can evolve into lifelong friendships. If you allow yourselves to get to actually know each other. Even decades later I’m still very good friends with quite a few of my old flings, flames, and one-night-stands.

    figleaf

  7. AlanK Says:

    The “girliest thing on the menu” varies, naturally, with the menu. Grilled chicken breast on top of tossed greens, with the dressing on the side, qualifies pretty well. And damned if she didn’t come close to ordering something like that when we went out last week.

    However, for the record, I was the one who had the salad while she had grilled marrow bones. And stole my french fries while I tried to eat my burger. Still, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I have been together for a pretty long time.

  8. Bobbie Says:

    I have a question I didn’t start out as a booty call. He’s the one that stated and proved we were in a relationship. He introduced me to his son etc, then after going off his anti depressant medication he turned quit cold and that’s when I realized I was beginning to be his booty call. But he has come over just for a vist as well. So I am very confused by this behaviour Any advice here would be so welcome
    Cheers


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