How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.

So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.

— The 26-Year-Old Virgin

What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:


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253 Comments on "How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?"


N
1 year 10 months ago

I think it’s good in a way because you find out who really cares about you for you and isn’t trying to get something from you – maybe say it straight up, or on your profile if you do the online dating thing? fuck shaving your legs for heartbreakers!

Michael
1 year 10 months ago

It really depends on whether the guy you’re with shares similar view or is at least understanding. If a guy was serious about you (as in committed to pursuing a relationship with the intent of one day becoming married and thus spending the rest of his life with you) I can’t see why he’d have any trouble waiting.

I happen to be a guy who is also waiting for the right girl. I’ve had plenty of opportunities but I turned them down every time both out of respect to whomever I end up with and in the hope that this girl will have extended me the same courtesy. In all honesty I wish more girls were like you but in any case don’t be too concerned about making a guy wait. You don’t owe him anything but honesty :)

dallas
2 years 9 days ago

I was 18 when I lost my virginity, and at the time I thought I had waited too long. I was ridiculed constantly in high school, actually had my sexuality questioned, because “what straight girl graduates high school a virgin?” Well I did, and let me tell you, the world didnt end and the sky didnt fall. Although I had dated and really liked the guy I did end up losing my virginity too, I wish I had been a little older. 18 is so damn young, and at the time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Ridiculous

Mary
2 years 10 days ago

@Jen:

Sex may not be a big deal for you, but it is for some and there’s nothing wrong with waiting until one finds the right person to have that experience. Just giving it away to someone simply because people like you think being a virgin past high school age is weird doesn’t sound like a good way to enjoy sex, as you’re completely ignoring the fact that everyone goes at their own pace. Also, you don’t need to have sex to enjoy being a woman. That’s pretty much saying that you’re not a real woman if you’re not sexually active. Utter nonsense.

@ Alfric McGlinhey:

So? Is sex only for the young? Age shouldn’t be a factor in when to decide to have sex if you’re not doing it purely for procreative reasons.

Most of the comments here are disappointing and lack insight. Again, I repeat, age should not be a factor in when you decide to have sex. Yes, it’s absolutely true that it poses a problem once you remain a virgin past a certain age due to everyone expecting everyone else to be experienced and be willing to do it at the drop of a hat, but is the proposed alternative to just do it and get it over with regardless of whether one is ready or not really a healthy attitude towards sex? You’re encouraging the person to look at sex as some annoying chore or something they must barter with in exchange for love. That’s basically setting up the person to have a jaded view about sex. They’re not holding out for unreasonable expectations, like a perfect man or waiting until marriage (which is usually a bad idea), nor did they state that it has to be a lifelong soulmate. They’re just waiting for the right person to come along, whomever that may be. And sex would be much enjoyable with that person they’re ready for than to do out of a sense of obligation because they have a sell-by date that people such as yourselves have imposed upon them. Like I said, everyone has their own pace. There is no “wrong” age to start having sex (barring children of course), and it’s silly to claim otherwise. There’s more to life than acquiring years of sexual experience under one’s belt just for the sake of not being thought of as a loser by narrow-minded people. Especially when as a woman it’s a double edged sword. You’re either a slut or a prude. People just can’t seem to respect other people’s choices.

Candy
2 months 19 days ago

Waiting until marriage to have sex is NEVER a bad idea. It saves you and your future spouse the complications of being sexually active with multiple people. I am 17 and a virgin. I am going to wait until marriage. My boyfriend respects my decision to wait. He doesn’t pressure me into it at all, and even helps me stay chaste. Virginity is a gift you only have once. It is one of.the thongs you can never get back. So you have a right to protect it and decide on your own when and who you will give it to. Its special. Why waste God’s gift?

faye
2 years 11 days ago

my boyfriend and I is dating 1 year and a month now. And we BOTH are still virgin (i’m his first girlfriend) we don’t talk too much about sex but we are happy and contented of what our relationship is going. He’s not the only one waiting, I am also we are waiting for the right time. :)