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Your Call – How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?

Tue, Mar 2, 2010

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo by (nutmeg)

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.

So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.

– The 26-Year-Old Virgin

What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:

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253 Responses to “Your Call – How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?”

  1. Michel - COLLEGE AGE VIRGIN Says:

    What exactly do you consider to be pressuring for sex? I fall deeply in love with a woman, such that the prospect of fulfilling her desires (whatever they might be – it is different for everyone) and to make her feel wanted loved meaningful etc etc totally overwhelms all desire to simply have sex with her. I become Felix-like, with all the supernatural crap to boot, and my considerations of self fall away from me. But, I can tell from her reactions, my advances are interpreted as based on a purely sexual interest. I cannot just conceal how sexually electrified I am. Modern society deprives us of acceptable means of expressing such feelings. I understand the woman’s responses are reasonable – statistically, I am likely to be interested in laying her. Similarly, any frills in my behavior are attributable to standard seducer tactics. We are all pressured into becoming seducers if only in tiny bits, like saying ‘I love you’ when it is expected and not when you mean it. It is amazing that few men become full-blown seducers, considering that only sexually assertive men as viewed as sexually successful by both men and women. I cannot communicate my sincerity to her, what do I doooooooo?

  2. Michel Says:

    You have the right to make ultimatums. But why make your hubby wait, of all things? What a silly way of making someone prove their love for you. Ask him to chop one of his fingers off or humiliate some bastard you despise, demand amazing oral sex, get him to display ‘<3 I love you <3’ on a blimp, or perform some Herculean feat. Get medieval on his potentially chivalrous ass; I believe the maximum obligatory waiting period in those days was one night because people back then realized that the clock is always ticking. Waiting is as much a test of patience as it is a test of predisposition to laziness.
    Besides, your guy is not the only one waiting – you are also waiting! How long do you seriously think you can search before settling down? 20 years tops. Make each guy wait 5 years and you can only try out 4 men as potential mates. And as the OP says, “As I get older, it seems more impossible for me to find a guy that will wait for sex.” Well, no shit!
    Women also tend to minimize the difference between how the sexes perceive sex, and thus misunderstand male sexuality. Let me throw an idea out there: succumb to his pressure before 5 years pass, and then withdraw sex. With the sexual novelty gone, your hubby will have no reason to stay with you EXCEPT an emotional attachment. If he continues to ‘wait’ for you AFTER sexual satiation, you will know that he loves truly. What do you have to lose? Pregnancy is no longer problematic. Premarital sex ostracizes you in some societies, but not in our Anglophonic lands. There is no evidence, scientific or anecdotal, that men prefer virgins (unless they have the Madonna/whore complex, in which case they can become disillusioned with you even if you have sex only with them.) If your guy leaves you, if he becomes a jerk, congratulations, you have not wasted years on him; you are free to go separate ways in a win-win situation. Perhaps a woman might wait because she desperately wants to be loved, and is afraid of finding out that her love interest only cares for having sex with her, and thus she delays the awful realization that should come soon after consummation.
    Am I right, or does my logic have a gaping hole in the middle?
    Men understand the need to push beyond the comfort zone, for their own good. Women are locked into believing the evil of being pressured into doing something you don’t want to do or are not ready for. I think that some women, like the disappointed/confused waiting commentators above, might want to reconsider their wholesale rejection of the male perspective, especially considering how men are demanded to feminize their view of a relationship.
    Please don’t kill me for that suggestion.

  3. pat Says:

    yes there are guys i have been with my girlfriend for three months, she is a virgin, and i told her that i would wait until she was ready

  4. John Says:

    Let’s see… it’s been 1 year and 4 months now with my virgin girlfriend. In the past, I had regular sex with my ex-girlfriends within 1-2 months of the relationship starting, one of which was a virgin. How long will I “wait” for my girlfriend? I don’t know. It’s a such dead-end thought so I rarely entertain it… other then those moments when I’m REALLY horny.

  5. hen Says:

    Live life to the full and enjoy life because it’s too short!

  6. Kat Says:

    Depends what you’re making him wait for.

    My bf loves me and respects me but it doesn’t mean I’m going to hold sex back from him. It’s part of one of our many expressions of love to each other which include talking to each other everyday (we are long distance), poems, gifts & cuddles and not a day goes by where we don’t tell each other “I love you” but we are animals and sex is a primal thing as well as an uncensored love expression.

    I think if you are trying to test whether a guy respects you or not, then sex is not the only factor. Does he listen to you? Does he make a mental note of things you like and then do something spontaneous about it? Does he make you laugh?

    Maybe you could try long distance as that involves a lot of talking and less opportunities for touching but after meeting a guy in person first- always safer. If he puts the effort into the relationship, then go for it with him because hell you need to show him you fancy him back.

    An example is my bf will visit me just for the day to spend time with me regardless of whether “action” is involved or not. He will wake up at 6 am to catch trains and coaches to be here for 11 am and then go back in the evening (because he works) and not be home until 11 pm.

    I understand where you’re coming from but you need to look at sex like a slice of pizza. It’s just one slice of a relationship but it’s still there. You would never expect a pizza with one piece missing to be delivered to you.

    You don’t know what will happen. Any guy is capable of heartbreak as much as the right one is capable of loving you for you. I’ve had my heart broken by more bfs I haven’t slept with. You’ll never live if you fear the future.

  7. Kat Says:

    By the way, at 24, only by making a few wrong turns have I figured out what I don’t want in a man mentally, emotionally and physically speaking.

    Now I am with the love of my life and he was more inexperienced than me when we first met but because of my experience, I could show him what I liked and things have gone really steamy. He was really impressed with me and told me no other girl had never made so much effort in foreplay.

    While I’m not saying go and jump in bed with the next guy you see, you do need find out what makes you tick in sex because just because you are compatible in other ways it doesn’t automatically make you sexually compatible and vice versa.

    It took time, work and patience for us to be where we are even though we fell for each other instantly and even more so when we realised how compatible we are as a couple. I do recommend watching Em & Lo’s Sex: How to do Everything because although you may not agree with everything shown, sex is not black and white. There are many weird and wonderful components to it.

  8. Dave Says:

    Yes, there are men out there who are happy to wait, but these are in a minority.

    In Western culture, pre-marital sex is common and an important part of a relationship for the majority of men. A man regarding sex as an important part of a relationship is just as an acceptable sexual preference as you regarding sex as strictly a marital act. By deciding to wait until marriage, you are therefore going to be ‘sexually incompatible’ with the majority of men you meet. Just in the same way two incompatible personalities won’t make a good relationship, neither will sexual incompatibility.

    What’s happened in the past is that you’ve established a relationship with men who you are not so sexually compatible with and these men have left when that incompatibility has emerged. Not your fault, not their fault, just simple dating forces at play.

    So, to stand a good chance of meeting the minority men who are sexually compatible (i.e. are happy to wait), you’ll need to increase the number of single men you meet. Be upfront about your preferences early in the dating game and you’ll ensure that you don’t waste time pursuing incompatible men who will break up with you when they realise you both want different things. Seeking a social group where such preferences are more common (e.g. Christian church group) will tilt the balance in your favour. Just be aware that pure statistics dictate that the older you get, the fewer similarly aged single men will be available.

    So in summary, stop being so bitter about the fact that the majority of men want something different to you, and instead focus your efforts on meeting the minority of men who are compatible. Meet lots of men, and pick a social group where the compatible proportion is higher. Be open with your preferences earlier in the dating game to reduce the time you spend chasing incompatible people, and you’ll do fine. Good luck!

  9. Tyler Says:

    I have waited over a year for my girlfriend without any luck. I don’t think it’s very common to wait this long, I must be stupid. So if you’re looking for someone who’ll wait as long as I am, that guy must be a virgin too i guess. Go around some med schools or grad schools with engineering i’m sure you’ll find other virgins over yonder.

  10. Jason Says:

    I think it’s a bell curve like any other behavioral characteristic. Some men will be willing to wait longer than others, the longer you want to wait the fewer men you will find willing. You might find some that will wait as long as you want. I think it’s too bad that women think it’s shallow if a man bolts if he wants sex and his dating partner won’t meet his needs. Just remember he might be feeling just as rejected by your need to wait, as you would feel if you slept with him and then he left. Good luck.

  11. jake Says:

    i think you should of just put out with the first guy you fell inlove with because your’e the next 40 year old virgin and life is short as fuck so enjoy sex before it wrinkerly haha

  12. Johnny Says:

    ^ Agreed. As a younger man I saw many young women wait for love, the right guy, etc. Except they’d inexplicably KEEP waiting once they met that guy! Great guy, great chemistry, PERFECT opportunity – and still they wait. Usually the relationship would end, they’d realized that they missed their chance, then they’d “give it up” to an asshole out of regret.

    And having been that young man who “waited” right along with her, my advice to guys is always to move on if you’re not getting laid in a time frame that you find acceptable. Waiting sucks, especially considering that it might not even happen. Don’t pressure her. Don’t “communicate” about it. Just leave and find a woman who’s on the same page as you.

  13. Wynona Says:

    When I just turned 21, I was manipulated by this demon guy 7 yrs my senior. He’s my first bf, first kiss. He only used me for sex, and I thought he’s in love with me. Coz he said he loves me too much he wanted to do it with me. Right before sex he was the sweetest thing on earth, the moment right after sex, he’s turned into his demon self, in a snap. Now, 10 yrs have passed and I still consider it as the biggest regret of my life.

  14. Marissa Says:

    I feel your pain Wynona the same thing happened to me. I was 23 and a virgin when I met him, he said and did all the right things. He told me he loved me, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he would do anything for me. After a couple of months of dating I had fallen for him and we slept together. It felt right and I had never felt so happy in my entire life. I never saw him again. He had used me but what made it worse was that I was no longer a silly teen. I couldn’t just chalk this mistake up to being a stupid kid. I was an adult and I had waited so long to lose my virginity it shouldn’t have happend this way. The guy in question showed no remorse when I asked him why he had done this, in fact, his facade immediately dropped and he resorted to calling me all sorts of horrible names. This happened 4 years ago but I know that I will regret it for the rest of my life.

  15. jack rosenthal Says:

    One point to understand is: virginity is not synonymous with virtue. If a woman thinks it is, out of religious or other conviction, she is entitled to live according to her precept but most women do not adhere to such an antiquated and ridiculous notion. There is a very happy middle between prudery and promiscuity and prudery is just that when disguised as “morality.” Women should not sleep with a guy unless they want to but if they put it off unduly, they will find their precious virginity is a “gem” nobody wants.

  16. Will Says:

    About 2 weeks. Don’t get angry abotu it. Just tell her that you think there is nothing wrong with it. That sex to you is not the only part but an important part of relationships. If she doesnt want to, thats fine, but you will move on. To win them, you got to be willing to loss them.

  17. Katherine Says:

    There are guys that will wait and guys that won’t. I’ve dated 3 guys who couldn’t wait for me and ended the relationship within 4-5 months. My current boyfriend, whom I lost my virginity to, waited a year and a half for me (and he was getting lots before dating me). What I’m trying to say is, don’t give in to just any guy. If a guy respects you and your decision, then there’s no time that’s considered too long to wait. And if he does wait until you’re comfortable, however long that may be, he’s a definite keeper!

  18. uche Says:

    I have dated this girl for 3 complete years and I have always been asked to wait for her to be ready. We have been very intimate, moreover, we romance, kiss, caress but I am very tired of waiting for sex. It is part of the relationship & an important one. Recently, I think of checking out for a compatible person since we don’t have some wants in common. Is right please?

  19. chris Says:

    Make his sorry ass wait for sex? Absolutely. I’m 20 years old and I lost virginity to a prostitute who was so loose, it felt like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

    If the douchebag only wants sex, he should go to Las Vegas and get some hookers.

    I personally dislike women who are purposely not virgins, because they wanted to have sex with whoever they want.

    That’s not very nice for the guy you fall in love with, now is it?

    Crap like that is why I never knew my own biological father.

  20. C'bel Says:

    Am 21,still a virgin tho!?!jux waiting 4 the ryt guy 2 break it cuz i wud leave 2 regret it al my lyf,when jux sm guy use me n dump me?gosh,it wud be ridiculous!?!if u can’t wait,then go find ur compatible match!?!

  21. Niya Says:

    I am going on 22 and I’m still a virgin, but Im waiting till marriage, I understand how it feels to want the right guy that will love you just for you and not what they can get. I’m very annoyed with my friend because he doesnt want a slut so he feels i should give it up to him, but I dont have any attraction to him like that, I value our friendship but at the same time I want to avoid him. Every guy i like finds out im a virgin and tries to figure out ways into getting me to give it up, thank god i am strong and i know that i am not ready so they always lose against me.My thing is as I get older I still cant find mr right, i feel that its some ways my bffs fault, he was a long time virgin and we fell in love with each other but then he moved to texas and gave it up to some tramp. I feel that I should just stay single and prepare to graduate and travel the world but my friend think that I’m just running away from relationships because i dont think my right guy will come. my point is this feeling happens, just be proud that you lasted longer than many, I watched many of my fiends give it up and they all have kids and ass holes for the father. Dont let society nature influence yours view. That guy that is worthy will come sooner than you think, just have to stop looking for him ;)

  22. Joey Says:

    I really think it depends on the man. Some guys are okay with waiting, while others, as piggish as it is, expect some “fun” sooner than u’d think.

    I do believe, however, that at some point, ur going to hit an age where u have to have some sexual experience- or ur going to reach 30-40 yr old virgin status, and just like the movie: it’ll shock everyone around u.

    The thing that can make giving ur virgnity up much much harder, is not willing to learn ANYTHING.

    U don’t have to give up ur virginity, ever- but at least learn some other things. U can’t expect us, the men, to do everything and always take the initiative sexually- u have to learn some things and make a move too.

    I’ve dated a few virgins, and frankly, I respected it, I didn’t apply pressure, I didn’t get upset at them, but at the very same time: They had no sexual skills whatsoever.

    Now….that’s perfectly okay, because everybody has to start somewhere- but the problem is: If u never start learning, ur gonna pass up quite a few good guys that u could’ve learned and grown together with.

    Not willing to give ur virginity up is ur choice and there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin at all- but at the very same time: U gotta have SOME sexual skills, so ur partner recieves SOMETHING in the bedroom.

    If 4th base is off limits to u, then balance it out with AWESOME 2nd and 3rd base techniques- because if u know NOTHING, nor are u willing to learn anything at all- it might not pan out too well.

    There’s no point in going to a bedroom, if all ur gonna do is kiss. U can kiss on a bench, on a couch, in the park, in a car- u can kiss in alot of places- but going beyond that: that’s what the bedroom’s for. So unless ur willing to learn some things- don’t go to the bedroom.

  23. I was 27 Says:

    You should absolutely wait for a guy that deserves you, and if the number of schmucks out there starts to get you down, just consider it weeding out the ones you don’t want anyways!

    For the record, I was 27 when I lost my virginity. I wondered for years whether I’d ever find someone worth the while, and fluctuated between times of wanting to wait (possibly even for marriage) versus sleeping with whoever to get it out of the way. Yes, I was dumped a few times for it, once just for being a virgin in the first place. However, I met the right guy and am so glad I didn’t waste intimacy on men who didn’t care about me. Regardless of my lack of history, we have great sex. Plus, I don’t hold back because I trust him, but I would’ve been much more self-conscious with someone I wasn’t sure about (which I’m sure would’ve felt a lot less great to both of us!). Wait as long as you need to find, and be sure of, a worthwhile man.

    And to the guys on here to say to not wait around for a virgin? I made my man wait 2 months. Hardly a long time… he would’ve waited a lot longer if I’d wanted. If you don’t value a woman enough to want her in your life more than you want sex, then you should get out – because you clearly want a hookup, not a relationship.

    A few other practical reasons for waiting for someone worthy:
    1) you have enough confidence and self-esteem by now (in your 20s) to amplify your regret if you give it away to a jerk.
    2) It may hurt a bit the first time, and you want someone who cares enough to make you enjoy it as much as he does
    3) If you don’t enjoy it, how much WORSE will you feel?
    4) a bad experience can make you think you’re bad at sex…which doesn’t bode well for the next time… (if he’s not in tune with you it is NOT your fault)
    5) can you be sure his health record is clean?

  24. truth Says:

    if a guy dosent get any for more than 5 years from hIS virgin girlfriend than it means 2 things. hes cheating with someone who will give it up or he cant get anyone ealse so hes stuck with you.

  25. SameBoat Says:

    I’m 20 years old and a virgin. In high school I always said I was going to wait until marriage, so I didn’t have to “waste” my virginity on some asshole who only wanted to use me for sex, and so I could be with that one guy for the rest of my life.
    As I got into college and really seeing how things are, relationships, etc. I realized that waiting til marriage really doesn’t have many advantages. If you are very religious and are doing it for that reason then it’s different. But like me not being religious, why wait so long? Like others have said, you can only hold out for so long before you venture into that weird age where virginity isn’t common.
    Waiting may make it so you avoid getting hurt, but heartbreak is going to happen no matter what, if you didn’t want that then don’t date at all, ever.
    What you should focus on instead is if that particular guy is worth it. Yes, you may break up down the road but thats life. It shouldn’t take long to see if he’s really in it for the right reasons. Some girls may get unlucky and think they found someone “perfect” then when everything is said and done he turns into a totally different individual. But the chances of that aren’t too great and if you are really using good judgement you should be able to tell the good from bad.
    I’m not waiting til marriage but obviously I refuse to have sex with the first guy that wants to date, what I expect is someone who accepts the fact that I am a virgin and also have basically no sexual experience in any foreplay besides kissing. Some may not like that and don’t want to be “teachers” but others don’t mind. Again, that saves me from wasting time with someone who doesn’t want what I have to offer and my time isn’t wasted if you are UPFRONT about things. That is the key!!
    If a guy respects me, understands my situation and what I want out of a relationship, and we meet on the same page, sex will happen in good timing, no point in waiting a year or longer “just because”.
    You just need to realize that if you wait too long, then it only gets more difficult to find possible partners. Even at 20, which is young, I find it difficult to find guys who are okay with what I want.
    Not to be harsh but don’t be such a prude about it, let things happen how they should and just go with what feels right. If you have sex and later on you break up, then hey, at least you learned right? That only means you can try again with someone else until you do find that right person to stay with forever.

  26. Carl A. Says:

    If you are like most women, you actually have two things going on here:

    1. You’re typically pursuing men about your age or a little older.

    2. You’re making them wait.

    Let’s talk about waiting first.

    Men (and most women) who are not asexual, homosexual and hiding it, or physically incompetent for sex typically expect a long term, romantic relationship to include sexual activity. This is–in our culture–the expected venue for sexual activity. So, unless they really don’t like or want sex with women, they typically pursue women romantically they want to have sex with.

    Most men also expect some form of exclusivity in these relationships. Whether the men live up to it or not, they want the woman to. This is one reason many men will accept waiting for sex because it shows you are “choosy” and implies a better chance that–once sex is on the table–you’re not likely to be cheating on him.

    So, a waiting period is a good thing. What your difficulty is, is the length of the wait and something called “opportunity cost”.

    Basically, opportunity cost is the value of whatever else the person–in this case man–could have done instead of waiting for you. If you are a very high value partner and it results in his expectations being met or exceeded, a man is likely to be completely okay with a long wait.

    However, if the opportunity cost in his mind–looking at other potential partners and opportunities while he’s waiting–gets too high, he will typically feel cheated or that you may have intentionally used him. Mostly, this is because he’s seeing you in terms of un-recoverable, lost opportunities at that point and you are in the decision-making seat.

    This is most likely why you start seeing resentment towards the end of these relationships and probably anger.

    The second part, the age of the guys, sort of plays off this part. First of all, most of these guys you’re probably dating as you get older are older themselves. Most of them probably haven’t even dated a virgin since they were teenagers and therefore the value of virginity for them is most likely only in terms of getting to “teach you” how to enjoy sex or in social terms like religious values.

    Most of these men will probably have had at least one successful long term relationship where they realized it doesn’t really matter about the woman’s prior experience, it matters about her experience with them to determine how satisfied they both are.

    So, the older you get and the older your prospective partners are, the less “valuable” you being a virgin becomes to them. Your inexperience and your choosiness may actually start to work against you in finding men who are willing to wait.

    To sum up, men will wait as long as they think you are worth waiting for compared to their other options. If you want them to wait longer, you need to increase your value in their eyes in comparison to other women. If you want men who value your virginity more, you’re going to probably need to adjust your sights toward younger men (for whom it’s still of interest) or toward men with a highly idealistic background (especially those with religious convictions).

    Additionally, once you do start having sex–assuming you find the “right” man–you’re probably going to have some emotional baggage from it, both in terms of self-value and the fact sex has a learning curve and is unlikely to be “spectacular” the first time you do it.

    Good luck though!

  27. jen Says:

    While I totally understand wanting it to mean something and be special, you’re 26. You’re not in high school, and neither are the guys you’re giving the go round. It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it. Sex is fun, and all I see you doing is denying yourself. Maybe you should stop considering ways to put it off and just do it already! I think you’ll be surprised and be a little angry at yourself for waiting so long. There’s a lot of good guys out there. Don’t be scared to grow up and enjoy being a woman!

  28. Athena Says:

    No matter what anyone says above me, you don`t `owe` a guy sex. If you`re waiting for the right guy, by all means, you`ll know when he comes. (: And no-one can tell you how long is `too long,` because, obviously, if you`ve waited 26 years then a few years sure as heck won`t make a difference.

  29. Tess Says:

    LISTEN TO ATHENA! I am horrified by many of the responses here, but she at least has the right idea.

    Don’t ever feel guilty or force yourself to have sex with anyone, no matter what. You know what you want–the only guy who deserves sex with you is the one who respects you and your wishes. He’ll wait until you’re ready.

  30. Bill Says:

    Couples who have premarital sex are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce if they do get married.

    I doubt the premarital sex causes these two things. It is the frame of mind of the participants. Those who understand that sex isn’t everything and is best to leave until after marriage end up finding each other and spending the rest of their lives together!

    There are some guys eagerly going around screwing as many girls as possible, and they use high pressure tactics. Look at the stories above. Several guys dumped the girl after they finally got what they wanted: physical pleasure. The right guy wants that too, but in the context of a relationship with 1 woman for life, after marriage!

  31. Poindexter Says:

    A 26-year old virgin! What are you waiting for? Go enjoy your life. Go enjoy being young and fit and full of hormones – you will not get a second chance.
    When you meet a man you love none of that will matter, if he thinks you’re “damaged goods”, run away, fast – he does not love you. Real love lives in the present and is based on respect and intimacy – accept no substitutes.

  32. Poindexter Says:

    “How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?”

    As long as she wants.

  33. a.c. Says:

    I was a virgin until 24 because of religious reasons. When i met my now husband he was direct and said he would wait 4 months or leave because I would have to prove my love in return I think most guys would not have waited that long.

  34. almorr Says:

    From my own experience, I only had sex with the girl I eventually married, we were both virgins, as soon as I fell in love with her I felt it was time I made love,but I did wait until we were engaged, did not want a shotgun wedding. Only have sex with a women IF she is ready for it, us men are sometimes to impatient for getting into a woman, sex is only a game for men, but it is taken more seriously my women, at least the women I have met.

  35. ErikZ Says:

    It depends. How long will it take for you to reveal to a guy that you’ll never really be interested in sex?

  36. lola Says:

    Im 21. my boyfriend & I have been together for almost 4 years n half now and I’m still a virgin. n yes I’m a virgin because of my religious issues. and because i want to. my guy is just like any other guys.. he wants it real bad.. like really bad.. but IMO us girls need to protect our own ‘thing’ , not giving it away too easily(because it is too precious) and be strong (at least to me). its for our own good though. plus my bf once cheated on me with this one girl(not really since we alrdy broke up at that time) n left her once he found out that shes no longer a virgin n yea he came to me n asking me to marry him next year n yea we are getting married! but I’m not judging anyone here. its just from my point of view. sorry for my broken english and I’m really sorry if I ve offended any of you guys.

  37. angrydog Says:

    It’s completely up to you. Do what feels right.

  38. Funmi Says:

    Am also a virgin?

  39. Serithel Says:

    I’ve been dateing my boy friend for about 6 months now and I’m still a virgin but tomorrow he wants to have sex an I’m not sure what to say. Because I’m not sure if I’m ready or not, and I love him and I want to express my love but I’m just not sure. But it’s so hard to resist him.

  40. Oldfart Says:

    Funny thing, most of life seems to occur while *NOT* having sex.

    If your partner is worth dating without sex, chances are it will still be true with sex.

    Sleep together, shower together, cuddle and hug, and when the time is right for everybody (for us heteros, when contraception is ready and waiting) work your way to sharing your bodies. Just remember, the first few times may NOT be great. Just keep the rest of your compatability going, and have fun working together to be lovers.

    Practice makes perfect.

  41. LA Says:

    Stay a virgin as long as possible…because you should ONLY be with a man who is a gentleman, loves you, and is willing to wait. I am in my 30s and still waiting for my husband. I am proud of it, I am not ashamed of it, I cannot be talked out of it, and I am not going to give into it!!! I have waited this long…my first time is going to special with the man God has chosen for me to be my husband. What better gift can someone give their spouse than to show, that before you ever knew them, you loved them so much, you saved yourself for only them? Yes, it has been difficult, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

  42. Eric Says:

    WOW! 26 and a virgin? Here’s some facts:

    Another commenter said that a guy will wait IF he has someone on the side or if you’re the only girl that will date him (Ultra religious types are sometimes an exception)

    If you’re worried about being considered “Loose” or a “Slut”, I have only heard other WOMEN use these terms. A girl has a much greater chance of being in a relationship with me if we get the sex thing out of the way A.S.A.P. then we see if we really like each other instead of just waiting til “That night”.

    Oh and for those you telling her to move on cause these guys aren’t worth it, she may not being having sex, but your fellow women are.

    If I meet a girl and she puts arbitrary time limits on sex that’s a form of “Control”. Its a BIG turn off. A signal that some time in the future sex may be withheld to get her way. That’s childish.

    You’re missing out on some really good relationships. The person you do lose it to might end up being a jerk anyway, there’s really no way to tell.

    Live your life, be human, have sex or don’t and come back in a few years on another blog complaining about being a 30 year old virgin who can’t find “The right guy”.

  43. Claire Says:

    Along with many other posters, I’d say wait until you are with someone that you really want to have sex with. Finding someone you trust and care about is important. However, the person you end up having sex with for the first time might not be perfect and you might still get hurt. Virginity has been really built up, and although sex is very intimate, it might not be as big of a deal to you once you do have sex. That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t wait till you are with someone you trust, just that you might have a lot of ideas of what the experience might be like emotionally or physically that might not be as powerful as you might be imagining now. The main thing is, whomever you do decide to have sex with, if it doesn’t turn out the way you’d hope it’ll still be okay.

    For example, I wasn’t waiting for marriage either and mainly just wanted to be with someone I trusted. I had sex for the first time at 22 with a very good friend who ultimately broke my heart because it ended up only being a heat of the moment one time thing. Ultimately, the experience was exactly what I did not want. I am still upset about it a few years later, but it hasn’t altered me greatly in terms of my experiences with sex. At the very least it made it much easier to have sex when I wanted to have sex instead of having all the pressure of finding the right person for my first time. It helped a lot that he was someone I cared about and who knew me really well. My main regret is that the friendship got ruined. So maybe consider when you are with someone who you want to have sex with, will you be okay remembering that person as your first time regardless of where the relationship will end up.

  44. Ashley Says:

    yes this is late, but i’m one of those people who moves very slowly in relationships. not on purpose, but I take a lot of time to get to know someone before the topic of having sex even comes up. in my first relationship it took 3 years (i was 14 when I met him), the second took a day (age 24, kinda just happened but never should have) and the third was three months (current relationship). the first two were during drastically different periods in my life and the third was after being fed up with guys in general and choosing to get down to the business of seeing whether or not we were going in the same direction or not. DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU AND DON’T GIVE IN TO WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS.

  45. northernguy Says:

    Been with my girlfriend 3 years and she is still a Virgin.

  46. Afric McGlinchey Says:

    You’re 26? And you’re still not ready? Your youth is disappearing right before your eyes. You are at your most beautiful and alive right now. Celebrate that with the man who desires you. It’s a wonderful thing to be desired. If it doesn’t work out, there will be someone else. That’s life. In the meantime, you will experience the wonderful pleasures of sex and sensuality.

  47. Jen Says:

    I am so saddened to see that everyone would rather take the easier route. My husband and I dated for 2 1/2 years and saved ourselves for our wedding night. Best decision we ever made! It was so exciting and thrilling to have that to look forward to. Being “controlling” because you don’t want to have sex is the biggest crapload I have ever heard. Sorry, but it’s true. Any man who pressures you into what you aren’t ready for is immature, and NOT worthy. Women need to have high self confidence to know that they are WORTHY and VALUED, and NO man can ever make you feel that way. Case in point-never let anyone pressure you to do what you don’t want to do. Waiting for your first time with your husband is the most fulfilling, exciting experience EVER!

  48. faye Says:

    my boyfriend and I is dating 1 year and a month now. And we BOTH are still virgin (i’m his first girlfriend) we don’t talk too much about sex but we are happy and contented of what our relationship is going. He’s not the only one waiting, I am also we are waiting for the right time. :)

  49. Mary Says:


    Sex may not be a big deal for you, but it is for some and there’s nothing wrong with waiting until one finds the right person to have that experience. Just giving it away to someone simply because people like you think being a virgin past high school age is weird doesn’t sound like a good way to enjoy sex, as you’re completely ignoring the fact that everyone goes at their own pace. Also, you don’t need to have sex to enjoy being a woman. That’s pretty much saying that you’re not a real woman if you’re not sexually active. Utter nonsense.

    @ Alfric McGlinhey:

    So? Is sex only for the young? Age shouldn’t be a factor in when to decide to have sex if you’re not doing it purely for procreative reasons.

    Most of the comments here are disappointing and lack insight. Again, I repeat, age should not be a factor in when you decide to have sex. Yes, it’s absolutely true that it poses a problem once you remain a virgin past a certain age due to everyone expecting everyone else to be experienced and be willing to do it at the drop of a hat, but is the proposed alternative to just do it and get it over with regardless of whether one is ready or not really a healthy attitude towards sex? You’re encouraging the person to look at sex as some annoying chore or something they must barter with in exchange for love. That’s basically setting up the person to have a jaded view about sex. They’re not holding out for unreasonable expectations, like a perfect man or waiting until marriage (which is usually a bad idea), nor did they state that it has to be a lifelong soulmate. They’re just waiting for the right person to come along, whomever that may be. And sex would be much enjoyable with that person they’re ready for than to do out of a sense of obligation because they have a sell-by date that people such as yourselves have imposed upon them. Like I said, everyone has their own pace. There is no “wrong” age to start having sex (barring children of course), and it’s silly to claim otherwise. There’s more to life than acquiring years of sexual experience under one’s belt just for the sake of not being thought of as a loser by narrow-minded people. Especially when as a woman it’s a double edged sword. You’re either a slut or a prude. People just can’t seem to respect other people’s choices.

  50. dallas Says:

    I was 18 when I lost my virginity, and at the time I thought I had waited too long. I was ridiculed constantly in high school, actually had my sexuality questioned, because “what straight girl graduates high school a virgin?” Well I did, and let me tell you, the world didnt end and the sky didnt fall. Although I had dated and really liked the guy I did end up losing my virginity too, I wish I had been a little older. 18 is so damn young, and at the time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Ridiculous

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