Madamoiselle L wrote an impassioned 1000-word essay on “The Cult of Perfect Pure Virginity” in response to the discussion of the post “Wise Guys: What’s the Big Deal with Virgins?” Here’s an abridged version:
I think we are again putting value on something which has NO intrinsic value (â€śvirginityâ€ť) and using the word â€śpureâ€ť in a dishonest and ridiculous manner.
The word â€śpureâ€ť means â€śclean and untaintedâ€ť SEX does not â€śTaintâ€ť anyone, nor is is unclean. To think so IS to have oneâ€™s mind in the gutter, whether you consider yourself a â€śvirginâ€ť or not.
Really, in this day and age, in an age of Enlightenment, to STILL think sex is â€śdirtyâ€ť or that oneâ€™s Princess Pure Virginity means anything to anyone is ridiculous.
I also think those who think this way have dirtier minds than those of us who have actually HAD sex, ARE having sex regularly and enjoying it, going by the comments and attitudes concerning the â€śimpurenessâ€ť of sex, (meaning itâ€™s â€śdirtyâ€ť) the â€śsanctityâ€ť of virginity and referring to a man who ISNâ€™T a virgin as a â€śDebaucher.â€ť WHO has the dirty mind? The Sexually Positive? Or those who bash Sex and those who ENJOY IT in all manners? (Ummmm, the answer is the latter.)
Does anyone with these attitudes actually THINK that the minute someone says some words over you, while you are wearing a white dress your sick attitudes that sex is dirty and ugly will just fade away? They wonâ€™t.
I know of a number of women and a few men (one of them my own mother) who had such attitudes towards sex, and â€śwaitedâ€ť until marriage (or at least said they did.) Well, they felt the SAME WAY about sex AFTER the vows were taken, sex was a horrible chore for these women, they resented their husbands for â€śwanting it all the timeâ€ť they NEVER enjoyed it, and their sick, virgin-centric attitudes DESTROYED their marriages, all of which STARTED, by the way, with â€śpureness.â€ť
The MEN who thought this way began to think of women in a â€śMadonna-Whoreâ€ť dicotomy, if their wives were â€śMadonnasâ€ť they werenâ€™t meant to have sex with, SO WHERE do you think guys like this GET sex, while married? Not their wives. With other women. Men who have Madonna Whore complexes WILL cheat, and honey, if you marry one, thinking he will â€śrespectâ€ť you after the wedding night, he either WILL and stop having sex with you and have sex ONLY with other women, OR he wonâ€™t respect you (even though there was a marriage) and you enter the â€śWhoreâ€ť part of the complex, which probably will make a man like this cheat on you still. Good luck with these guys.
As for these women with their Virgin Worship: Their ideation of sex as dirty did NOT go away after the words were said, the marriage ceremony performed and the wedding night was over, and they NEVER enjoyed sex, and even as older women still think sex is dirty, disgusting and something â€śmen takeâ€ť from women and women â€śGiveâ€ť to get other things. ALL of them ruined their marriages with these attitudes, and were left aloneâ€¦â€¦.and their men cheatedâ€¦â€¦.
Maybe they still feel their â€śpurenessâ€ť was worth it. I donâ€™t.
IF you feel sex is still â€śdirtyâ€ť by the time you are 17 or 19, IMO, you need THERAPY, not to continue to â€śwait for the perfect manâ€ť because, sweet things, sex will still be â€śdirtyâ€ť in your eyes, even when HE wants it AFTER you are married. And if HE thinks â€śonly dirty girls want sexâ€ť HOW will that change after marriage? It wonâ€™t. So, you either become the Madonna, and he cheats for sex, or the Whore, and he hates you for actually â€śletting himâ€ť have sex with you. Sick? YES! It wonâ€™t be what these â€śperfect virgins waiting for a knight on a white horseâ€ť think. They will be miserable, lonely, and cheated on.
A ceremony changes NOTHING if your attitudes toward sex are unhealthy.
Get your self healthy and emotionally ready for an adult relationship with a man (which INCLUDES SEX) BEFORE you take your vows, otherwise your marriage will be misery. Iâ€™ve seen women like this fail at marriage too many times to believe your lack of experience will help you in ANY WAY!