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How to Have Phone Sex in 10 Easy Steps

Wed, May 5, 2010

Advice, How To

photo by Janine

You’re away on business, you don’t know a soul in this town, you’re¬†holed up in your hotel room, alone and lonely (read: horny) and¬†because you are a not a cheating scumbag and this isn’t Up in the Air,¬†you pick up the phone to call your honey at home in the hopes of a¬†little cellular nookie. But it goes something like this: “I just¬†called, to say, I‚Ķ um‚Ķ uh, I was thinking that we could, you know‚Ķoh,¬†never mind. How’s the weather where you are?” There’s nothing like¬†phone sex to make you feel like a gawky teen all over again. Regular¬†sex, you’ve got down cold: open bottle of wine, play smooth¬†soundtrack, get naked, get busy, rinse, repeat. But fiber-optic¬†relations? The person on the other end of the line could be fully-clothed and watching “American Idol” on mute for all you know. They¬†could be faking, or smirking at your clumsy attempts at dirty talk.

Without being in the same room together, performance anxiety is¬†practically inevitable. It can feel like auditioning for a casting¬†director who demands, “Say something sexy!” So here’s how to reach out¬†and touch someone successfully:

  1. Plug in your headset to free up your hands and avoid neck cramps.
  2. Hold all calls. Answering call-waiting while tele-sexing‚ÄĒeven during¬†tele-foreplay‚ÄĒsuggests you’ve got better things to do, or worse,¬†better people to do.
  3. Once you’ve dialed the digits, use the “I wish you were here” line as¬†your “in.”
  4. Don’t immediately break out into your best phone-sex-operator¬†impression. If your partner knows you as the quiet type, suddenly¬†spewing forth a string of obscenities that would make the Osbornes¬†blush might not have the erotic effect you’re going for.
  5. Dead air during phone sex can dampen the mood, but some heavy¬†breathing, the occasional moan, or simply whispering their name can¬†fill the awkward silences. Whatever you do, make some noise! Otherwise¬†your partner will think that you’re watching TV or doodling on the¬†hotel notepad.
  6. If you’d like to graduate to full sentences but don’t know where to¬†start, try reading something sexy over the phone. Tell your partner,¬†”I read this today and thought of you.” Then start articulating your¬†desire. The most basic approach is to think of this articulation as¬†narration: you’re simply talking about what you’d like to do to them¬†or what you’re doing to yourself while you’re doing it.
  7. Start with the most basic of terms for each other’s genitals and¬†gradually up the ante. Don’t worry about creative vocabulary, at least¬†not at first. Once you become more fluent in the language of love, you¬†can get more colorful. As a general rule, the more words a term for¬†the genital contains, the more likely it is to induce giggles or a¬†wince.
  8. To get your partner in on the action, ask them what they’re doing. Ask¬†exactly how it feels. Ask what they’d do to you if you weren’t a¬†thousand miles away. If your partner is on the shy side, get them¬†talking with a few yes or no questions: “Are you undressed? Does that¬†feel good?”
  9. Whatever you do, don’t laugh at anything your partner says, ever; not¬†only will it ruin the mood, it will make them forever self-conscious¬†and inhibited in the verbal sex department.
  10. Whatever you end up saying, say it with confidence and don’t censor¬†yourself: If you’re embarrassed, then your partner will be embarrassed¬†for (and by) you. Commit to the dirty talk, and you should have an¬†eargasmic experience.

This is our bi-weekly column in Metro; read it in print here

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48 Responses to “How to Have Phone Sex in 10 Easy Steps”

  1. ZC Says:

    Having done this over Skype which is probably no different then with mobile phones, I can say these are all great points. Especially 5 which I wanted to comment on.

    Part of the experience in person is hearing the sounds your partner makes and can be just as much of a stimulant as touch and feel. I know that being able to hear the sounds my previous partners have made have been pivotal in enriching the experience for the better.

  2. CJ Says:

    i agree with ZC .. skype really does make it better , with the physical appearence of the person , its better then just hearing them.

  3. Cheryl Says:

    10 easy steps? If only, then most of my competition would go gentle into that good night. The one suggestion I would make is the first time ‚Äď the very first time ‚Äď talk about something you have done or would like to do. As you are partners there should be a no BS zone. Be honest in everything you do from what you are wearing, doing, thinking and how you feel. It‚Äôs OK to feel silly, but if you trust the person the silliness washes away. Don’t forget to relax and have fun.

  4. Melina Says:

    Aha I’ll Do This But Like It’s Weird Moaning Out Of Thee Random

  5. bra Says:

    hahahaha

  6. Good Date Ideas Says:

    skype really is the way forward for the full effect !

  7. Babe Says:

    I agree with Melina it iS weird moaning randomly Haha but damn this really helped me with the guy I like now he calls me every night

  8. daedae Says:

    i think that skype does work cause you get to see your partner and what they are doing
    and you dont have to worry about if they are undressed or notnyou get to see them undress

  9. Anonymous Says:

    This guy I met online that I like extremely wants to have phone sex. We both live in the same town but in different states. It would be my first time and i’m super nervous cuz his birthday is soon and I have a feeling I’m on his drunk dial list. I feel the advice is helpful but I need more. Can anyone help?

  10. daddy Says:

    sheittttt , I’m bout to call up one of my hoes & do this shit . ya feel me ? ;)

  11. flower Says:

    whooo, this sounds hot. :o <3
    I'm afraid i'd end up in a fit of giggles, though, which is purportedly not good.. xD

  12. babygirl Says:

    Me and my boyfriend we live in the same state but a couple towns apart and we had phone sex for the first time last night and it was grate and we might have it again I hope we do we really enjoyed the first time around

  13. Lizzie Says:

    My current flame and I have recently started “doing the deed,” in terms of phone sex. It’s funny how much better it gets the more you do it! We have so much fun detailing what we like and wish to do that everything flows so naturally. My favorite thing to do is partake in a naughty session by myself and leave a message of my activities on his voicemail. Drives him crazy! We can’t keep our hands out of our pants these days!

  14. madoi Says:

    never 4got to appreciate her figure/girls like to hear this

  15. nina Says:

    My boyfriend and I are dating about 6 month’s, we broke our virginity last week and now he has to travel. How do I have phone sex now? I’m so shy to embarrass myself and feel forward if I start talking dirty

  16. Nora Says:

    Hi guys, I simply love phone sex. I think you advice is brilliant. I just keep moaning, and the dirt just comes out of my mouth.

  17. LOvE bunny Says:

    I feel scared to do it only cause of the exlainin what to do to him part.. I want to turn him on best way possible but some of the things that I know I will say, I know I won’t do in person and I dont wanna seem like i`m on bs :(

  18. HH Says:

    HI Nina where you from????

  19. moazzam amir Says:

    hiiiiiiii

  20. lalit Says:

    all is well frndsssssssssssss

  21. ShyToFuck Says:

    My friend and I have recently starting phone-sexing. I’m the shy type, so I’m pretty quiet, and this is a online friend, I really like him, but he doesn’t like me enough to online date x.x I don’t really e-date either. But I would for him, And the phone sex is amazing to me. The first time I was horrible, the second time I was amazing, the third time I was “okay” I think I’m going bad again. I don’t want to bore him, but I suck at the “What’ya wearing?” part x.x and he laughs so I need help x.x

  22. Applesauce Says:

    I like eggs!

  23. pinky Says:

    Hai what will u do in phonesex?

  24. mpatz Says:

    teach me !

  25. virgin gal Says:

    I have never phone sexed. But I get sooooo horny sometimes! I relli like this guy, but I don’t think he even knows I exist!

  26. Hotlove Says:

    Me and my bf had phone sex last night . I wasn’t the type to those things but when I started teasing him he became so aroused. At first , I was just joking and teasing him. But then it lead to something else and another. It was so HOT! So good! So fun! I can’t believe we did it , BUT it was amazing!

  27. ilovemyboyfriend Says:

    My bf and I live a few hours apart so phone sex is always an option. I get extremely detailed when I tell him the things I’d do to him he loves it! I moan lid too, always do that and your partner will go crazy! Just keep in mind don’t be shy! If you’re shy your partner will follow.

  28. fling4 Says:

    phone sex is fantastic even if you are so horny sometimes. Just do it. ;-)

  29. raddy Says:

    i want to chat to alady

  30. I Want and Need Sex Says:

    Wow! I can’t believe it’s that easy. I used to go all quiet but now I’ll surely have “things” hehe to talk about. Thank you for the great read!

  31. lii angel Says:

    i can’t understand with my boyfriend, everytime i asking about phone sex , he always say buzy oh! boring :(

  32. Johnny Says:

    ^ He just doesn’t find phone sex stimulating. Don’t take it personally.

  33. Sabrina Says:

    I love it! I love making my man happy, but sometimes he wants it when I’m not in the mood and I think I’m ok in my game but he’s quite and I do think he’s watching tv lol he needs to read this haha good article

  34. Steph Says:

    Both me and my man when either or both of us is away indulge in phone sex. If you’re feeling real horny, call your man, tell him how you feel. 99% of the time he’ll respond, positively. It’s easier for women to initiate. Poor guys try to and half the time we’re not in the mood. Don’t ring her and immediately start spanking the monkey. It’s a turn off and it’s disrespectful. Instead, tell her how fine you think she is, what part of her body you love the best, how you love her soft warm skin and nice smell next to you and you wish you could have her with you right now. Tell her once she starts responding how the thought of her is driving you crazy and you wish you could touch her skin, her face, her breasts, her hips, etc. She’ll start hotting up and joining in with you. Tell her how you want to bring her to earth shattering multiple orgasms and you’ll only be satisfied once she is. We women love to know that you men want to fulfil our every desire, that you want to take us on a wild ride and that you want to totally make us feel satisfied.

    I guarantee the next horny phone call you’ll have, she will be eager to please.

    My man and I have been indulging for a while, and it gets better. When he gets home the first thing I want to do is f*ck his brains out like a bad bad girl! The first thing he wants to do is get me in that bedroom, lock the door and f*ck like rabbits for the next 24 hours!

    Phone sex is another way to spice it up! Try it ladies, you’ll have your man worshipping the ground you walk on.

  35. darren Says:

    hay Steph

    just wanna ask you that i recently got engaged with a girl it was arranged by our folks. we spoke for like 2-3 days and my girl asked me bluntly that she wants to hear some thing from me…i coudnt figure out and she made me kiss her on the telephone and she said and did all that we see in porn movies and she was not afraid of using nasty words likes …su**ing & lic***ng and she moaned for like 25 minutes consecutively and it wasnt natural i guess…i dont get this that why she started moaning real loud like in porn movies? why would she do that ??? we made out in our car as well and she amazed me by her skills and i was a lill shy being 8 years older to her observing her skills…i also found that she was not a virgin :( i am extremely confused why she started doing phone sex after our engagement…which did not leave a good impression

  36. dirty me Says:

    need to learn the dirty vocabulary

  37. Linda Says:

    Phone sex is sooo 1995.

  38. Chellene Says:

    I am a phone sex operator and this is a great how to guide for anyone new to phone sex.

  39. Alex Says:

    I used this on FaceTime it really did work!!!

  40. Karina Says:

    Somebody necessarily help to make critically posts I’d state. That is the first time I frequented your website page and so far? I amazed with the research you made to make this actual submit incredible. Magnificent process!

  41. starr Says:

    hi.. im looking for advice. My boyfriend wants phone sex, and its not that i dont want to im shy/scared you can say. I never had phone sex before and im scared i might say the wrong thing or might not sound sexy enough. i really want to do it but i just have no clue what to say to turn him on.Please somebody help/ guide me as of what to do, it would be great

  42. Shia Says:

    I’m also a phone operator and I have to agree with Chellene, this is great guide.

  43. ilovemybaby Says:

    i and my boyfriend are in relationship past 3 years and usually we had talk on phone and we do have phone sex and I guess its really amazing and moaning and whispering just turns him on…..so never feel awk while moaning it will be just the make uha partner feel uh are comf wid him/her..

  44. inas Says:

    Well that was good helpful but I need something better than this..? Thanks

  45. peace Says:

    my love is in London and am in Ghana he want us to have phone sex but dont have any idea please help

  46. Jules Says:

    Ah I seee Cx well, going to be having phone sex with my boyfriend later. I got my “sexy clothing” on. Lol so I’m looking up phone sex xD I want to have the best phone sex!

  47. Eliza Teal Says:

    Usually start by asking what has you turned on tonight?

  48. Michael Says:

    I must say, this is an awesome guide.

    I own a website on the subject and I’ve been using phone sex services for many years now so you can trust my opinion. :)


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