Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about love and sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I was involved with someone for years off and on. We had a spiritual connection and were even best friends. Our love survived me doing four years at college and him getting in and out of bad marriage. The last time we tried I really hurt him but I have been able to apologize since then. I know in my heart that he was and is my soul mate. So now he is married again and I see him every week at church. He always stares and I dream of him every other night. I don’t know what to do. I want to let him go but I don’t know how and I have become consumed with this issue. Are my dreams signs I should pursue him or a sign I should find closure?
Lauri: Well, without having any details from your dreams to work with, what I can tell you for sure is that as long as you keep him in your thoughts he will continue to appear in your dreams. You see, the dreaming mind works with what we give it. So if this guy’s always on your mind, you’re not giving the dreaming part of your mind much choice. Your dreams aren’t going to move forward until you do.
That’s not to say you can’t use your dreams as a nifty little tool that can help you have closure because closure is a must. He’s married. That means off limits, forbidden territory, do not enter! Here’s what you do, tonight at bedtime, write down your dream. When it gets to a point where the forbidden might happen, change it up. Instead open up a dialogue. Write out what you’d love to say to him if he were standing right there, “I’m sorry I screwed this up. Boy did I learn my lesson. I know you’re married now and that means hands off so, I just want you to know I really wish you well and I am going to leave myself open so that I can find someone that lights my fire like you do!” Of course, that’s just a cheesy example but you get the idea. You need to write it out, almost like it’s a contract with yourself, that this is good-bye.
When you feel you’ve gotten everything out of your psyche and on to paper, rip it out of your journal (as this represents ripping him out of your constant thoughts), and throw it away. Then turn out your light and see what kind of dream you get. Odds are your dreams tonight will show your progress. Remember, as long as you are holding on to him, you can not move forward towards what is right for you. As long as you have your heart set on him – a married man, by the way – you leave no room for someone else.