Years ago, while driving around San Diego on a book tour, we saw what to us was the craziest road sign: the black silhouettes of two adults running for their lives, dragging a youngster behind them, all on a yellow, rectangular background. You don’t get many of those in the Northeast. (Though maybe you yanks are more familiar with it now with all the “papers please” news of late coming from Arizona.) It struck us how effective road signs are: succinct, powerful, instructional, universal, and sometimes entertaining even if you don’t quite understand them (frost heaves, anyone?). So we were inspired to whittle your horoscope down to its purist form–behold, The Road Signs.
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Be Prepared To Stop
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Recreational Area Turnoff
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Stop When Children In Crosswalk
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Divided Highway Begins
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Merge
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
No Stopping Inmates Working
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Lane Ends Merge Left
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Push Button For Green Light
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Falling Rocks Ahead
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Last Exit Before Toll
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
HOV Only
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Don’t Fuck That Shit
June 1st, 2010 at 9:35 am
love; love you!
June 1st, 2010 at 10:21 am
Mine is so spot on. “Don’t Fuck that Shit” could not be more fitting for this week! Love it.
June 1st, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Seems I need to be careful not to fuck anyone who could turn out to be a piece of shit.
June 2nd, 2010 at 7:18 am
What is HOV?
June 2nd, 2010 at 11:21 am
HAHA this is fantastic! I’m an Aquarius, and I remember the first time I saw a HOV lane and it was terrifying (not really sure if that is funny coming from an Aquarius..maybe?).
It means high occupancy vehicle aka car pool lane.
June 4th, 2010 at 1:20 am
@Mlle L, “HOV” is High Occupancy Vehicle, the bus lane or the car pool lane.
“Push button for green light,” Whose?????
June 4th, 2010 at 11:43 am
So, my horoscope means I am supposed to either fuck IN a “HOV” or screw as many people as can fit into a “HOV?” Huh? I’ll pass on both.
I’m not in college anymore.
June 4th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
LOL – most HOV lanes are 2+, so it could you and the hubby, or you and everybody on a double-decker Greyhound…whatever floats your boat.