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Overnight Handbag Redux

Fri, Jul 16, 2010

Advice, How To

photo by dunikowski

A few weeks ago we did a post on the ideal contents of a woman’s purse, should she find herself suddenly having a casual sleepover. Well, you guys reamed us. Deservedly so in a few cases (we phoned some of it in); undeservedly, we thought, in a few others (especially considering we give you all this content for free — it’s like we’re treating you to lunch and you’re complaining about the food!). So we wanted to try a more thoughtful do-over, one that truly reflected our deepest held beliefs, those that probably are more in line with yours, while still defending some of our original assertions. And if you don’t like ‘em, well then, we’re sure you’ll let us know. Just remember, we control the comment admin. Bwah ha ha!

  1. Compact ballet flats. We stand by this one about 90%. While we (okay, Lo) will happily attend fancy functions in ugly yet comfortable Dansko clogs, we appreciate that some women (say, Em) do like to hit the town in brand new heels, heels that may not turn out to be that comfortable, at least upon first or second wearing. Also, if you care about fashion (not a requirement, just an existing preference that we’re acknowledging here), then there are shoes that work better, aesthetically speaking, at night, and shoes that work better in the mornings.¬† However, if these are not issues for you, then you should forgo the ballet flats and wear those 6-inch stilletos home at 7am with pride. After all, if you had a good time the night before, then it’s always a Walk of Fame, not Shame, whatever you’re wearing.
  2. Condoms. We stand by this 100%. Even though women get stuck with the unfair share of birth control responsibility, we think it’s still smart for them to carry their own barrier protection, too (instead of automatically leaving it up to the guys).¬† Though this should not give men the idea that they can forgo condom responsibility.
  3. Mascara & moisturizing lipstick. Many, many women wear make-up — it makes them feel good. Again, it’s not by any means a requirement, just a preference that we’re acknowledging many women share. If you fall into the positive make-up category, then these two items should be enough for you to freshen up. If you don’t, then don’t worry about such trifles taking up space in your bag/purse/pocket/wallet.
  4. Dissolvable breath strips. These are a quick and easy way to freshen your breath without removing yourself to the bathroom to clean your teeth with a toothbrush. And yes, if you’re hooking up with this guy, then you’re certainly familiar enough with him to borrow his toothbrush. But sometimes that’s inconvenient, which is why a breath strip is just a nice, polite thing to do before kissing.
  5. A tank top. If what you‚Äôre wearing out that night will make YOU feel uncomfortable on a commuter train home in the morning (or out at brunch), then pack something small you can wear as a top alternative. You can certainly wear your sequined halter top glittering in the morning light with pride, or borrow something of his, but again, if you prefer something more subdued or don’t want any t-shirt strings attached with this hook-up, then tote a tank.
  6. A book of matches. We don’t care who you are — man or woman — if you are hooking up with someone new, you can’t tell us you’d be totally psyched for them to smell your nasty shit right before getting it on. Yes, everybody poops, but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. This is more about courtesy than shame. And again, it’s not a requirement, just a handy backup plan.
  7. A razor. Yes, you were all right: this was a ludicrous suggestion. We’ve filed it in our “What Were We Thinking?” folder. If you have an abundance of self-hatred toward your own body hair, then we’re sure you’ll shave, pluck and/or wax yourself into alopecian oblivion before you head out for a evening where there’s even just a sliver of a hope for a hook up. And if an opportunity for awesome sex happens to fall into your bushy lap, well then, we think you’d be a fool to pass it up simply because you were stubbly somewhere or, god forbid, had given yourself permission to be au naturale. We’re all hairy animals by nature, even women — in fact, body hair is what signifies our sexual maturity. So we should all get over it, including us.
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4 Responses to “Overnight Handbag Redux”

  1. AlanK Says:

    There is a truly basic “category mistake,” as we say, in all this. It is the same one made in innumerable woman-targeted magazines. Men do not care about any of this stuff. Men (at least the ones you want to be with) are eternally grateful you went home with them. Men (at least the ones you want to be with) will help with all of gory next-day details.

    All you need to attract a man is sex and beer; in the case of Australians, reverse this order.

    Next problem?

  2. M. Says:

    You write: “And yes, if you‚Äôre hooking up with this guy, then you‚Äôre certainly familiar enough with him to borrow his toothbrush.”

    No, no, no! Please note that sharing toothbrushes is not a good or safe idea. Blood-borne illnesses can be transmitted this way.

  3. conway cover up Says:

    There is a truly basic “category mistake,” as we say, in all this. It is the same one made in innumerable woman-targeted magazines. Men do not care about any of this stuff. Men (at least the ones you want to be with) are eternally grateful you went home with them. Men (at least the ones you want to be with) will help with all of gory next-day details.

    All you need to attract a man is sex and beer; in the case of Australians, reverse this order.

    Next problem?

  4. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Still no under eye cover up? Are you ladies both blond and porcelain complected? ;)

    If I had to bring ONE thing, besides one of those one use toothbrushes to an overnight,(which takes up no more room than a package of “breath strips” and works better) it would be under eye cover.

    Some of us are dark, y’all. We look like the walking dead in the morning. My lashes don’t matter, looking alive does.


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