photo by Raissa Bandou

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “When it comes to the number of sexual partners a woman has had, do guys want to know? Even if they say they do, are they lying?”

Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): It’s the Information Age, and people in general are so conditioned to gather and dissect every morsel of information they can find, that it follows that this would apply in the bedroom as well. I suppose the number of partners someone has had can serve as somewhat of a guage of their experience, which in turn could provide a relative basis for expectations, or at least a starting point for communication about it.

But communication-wise, far more important is simply sexual health history, regardless of that conversation’s catalyst (again, number of partners could provide a guage, but one isn’t necessarily dependent on the other). Past the health factors, sure, there are going to be different degrees of curiosity about lots of things when entering into a sexual relationship with someone (likes and dislikes, sex drives, etc.). But at this point, we all have our pasts, sexual and otherwise, to decide to share or not share, and at least for me anymore, the strict
number of previous partners is fairly low on the list of need-to-know’s.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Yes, guys want to know — as long as your number’s lower than theirs. And if you think that’s disappointingly cliche of me, wait until you hear this: I’ve been known to feel threatened by the former sexual partners of women who’ve had fewer than I have. I’ve fixated on their size, their confidence and athleticism, the fact that they persuaded my woman to do things they regretted (but I wouldn’t mind trying) — any aspect of their prowess, real or imagined. Read the rest of this entry »

photo by Peter Zetterlund, Swedish National Heritage Board

We’ve come a long way, baby. Check out this penis-shaped….shall we call it a “tool”? It was just unearthed in Sweden during an archeological excavation by the country’s National Heritage Board. Carved out of antler-bone and probably dating back to sometime between 4000 t0 6000 B.C., the dildo-like object measures 4-inches long without much, um, girth (which makes sense since people were a lot smaller back then). The scientists aren’t saying definitively what it was used for, but we know what you’re thinking: it was probably a tool for chipping flint, or better yet, a back massager to relieve stress.

Read the full post on SUNfiltered

photo by Donnaphoto

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about love and sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Last night I had a dream where I was working at my mom’s job, I met this guy that works there and gave him my number. I then came home to my ex-boyfriend and he got mad about me talking to a guy, he got angry and we started fighting physically. Then he grabbed my wallet and took my car! I ran after him and kicked him out of my car. My mom showed up and somehow he got her car, there was an old man with a cane outside and he started hitting my ex because I yelled for his help. I then took the cane, got in the car and started whacking my ex. Then I noticed there was a baby in the back seat. There was also a girl on a bike who tried to help.  My ex was driving while I was still in the car hitting him with this cane. Somehow I jumped out the car then I found some people grilling food for 4th of July and I joined them. Finally the cops came and arrested my ex.

Lauri: Wow!  Lots going on in this dream but that’s good because it means your dream has a lot to say to you. It seems that you’ve been having a hard time moving on from the ex. It must’ve been a helluva relationship!  In the dream he takes your wallet and your car because – whatever happened in that relationship or even in the break-up – has robbed you of your self worth as well as your ability to move on.

Read the rest of this entry »

photo by Simply Schmoopie

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Don’t be a noodge. Don’t be a player. Don’t be “the ball.” Just be the dude in the back bleachers with the glove and a beer and let the home runs come to you.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Just because you pride yourself on never telling a lie, that doesn’t excuse you from coming right out and offering up the truth. Now, we’re not suggesting you send out an office memo admitting to Xeroxing your ass on the photocopier, or calling up your old high school sweetheart and confessing to hooking up with their best friend out in the parking lot at the prom. Just make sure that you’re currently not leading anyone on by keeping your true intentions to yourself.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
When you’re looking for a parking space in a crowded city, there are two ways to go about it. You can force your car into the first gap you see, never mind the dents you cause or the fire hydrants you block or the chihuahuas you squash. Or, you can drive around patiently until you find the space that fits your car just so, the one you can glide into smoothly using those parallel parking skills you’re famous for. It may take a while, but think of the money you’ll save on insurance, parking tickets, and lawsuits (some people are quite attached to their dogs). Be the patient parker this week, even if your partner is being as stubborn as a fire hydrant.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Make like Olivia Newton John this week and get physical. That’s not code for “have sex” (though knockin’ boots can provide a good cardiovascular workout). No, we really mean get off your bum and get moving, whether at the gym, in a park, or up a mountain. You may not meet the person of your dreams at any of these places, but at least when you eventually do, your ass will look great.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)

One of our favorite love stories of all time is the film Harold and Maude. Harold is barely twenty when he falls for a sweet old lady named Maude. They meet at the funeral of a mutual stranger — they share a common interest in death and other people’s funerals — and begin one of the sweetest love affairs in cinematic history. We’re not suggesting you start trawling the death announcements for potential singles spots, but you should follow your heart, in hobbies and crushes alike — no matter how weird your friends tell you you’ve become.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
In a world of fast food, high-speed dial-ups, express lanes, and single-application yeast infection treatments, it’s only natural to want your love and sex and to want it now. Life is short, after all. But rushing into things this week will be like eating at Burger King: it sounds like a great idea at the time, your mouth starts to water at the thought of those delectable onion rings, satisfaction so near you can smell it; but immediately afterwards, you invariably feel dirty, guilty, and greasy — and not in a good way.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You’ll forget your keys at work, your wallet at home, your doctor’s appointment, and your assistant’s birthday this week. Just don’t forget how absolutely fabulous you are. Even if you can’t remember to change your underwear, you’ve still got a lot to offer people, including all the jerks who don’t appreciate you or deserve you.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Someone pushy and manipulative is going to come into your life this week. Push back. Maybe they’ll trip and fall into your bed.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Who cares? Not you, that’s who! Okay, you probably care a little bit, because you’re sensitive like that. But being honest and up front and completely giving is not going to get you anywhere with someone who’s playing hard to get. With them — we’re sorry to say — you’re going to have to play games. (And boy, they better be worth it for us to offer such crap advice.)

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
How could you?! You’re so selfish; all you think of is yourself. Those countless promises you made? All lies. Do the words “compassion” and “honesty” mean nothing to you?…Oh wait, sorry, wrong Capricorn. You, on the other hand, you are full of surprises and eager to please. Take the initiative this week, do your own thing, and prepare to have some fun.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Its true that every rose has its thorn, but are you sure that the particular branch you have entwined yourself around even has a bloom at the end of it? All we see is a thorny bush.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Opposites attract. But eventually they’ll repel each other if one tries to change what they originally found attractive in the other. Don’t tamper with the laws of physics — otherwise gravity will knock you on your ass.

photo via ABC

• TresSugar: An insider’s look at The Bachelor casting call.
• YourTango: What’s so wrong with marrying for money?
• TomFoolery: How to get it on while driving.
• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: Nina Hartley on the truth about 69.
• CollegeCandy: Dating myths even the smartest women believe in.
• TheFrisky: Guys’ #1 request: Tell him what to do.
• LemonDrop: Feng shui your way to better sex.

Dr. Emily Godfrey is our new hero: she had the courage to be featured on the front page of the NYTimes Sunday Magazine last weekend as a doctor willing to provide abortions, not in an abortion clinic but at her practice where she sees all sorts of patients. In case you missed it last weekend, the article titled “The New Abortion Providers” took a fascinating look at the movement to bring this safe, common and legal medical procedure back into hospitals where it’s less vulnerable to attack by anti-choice zealots:

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

photo by faster_panda_kill_kill

Dear Em & Lo,

So I have this guy friend who I met my freshmen year at college. We used to hang out a lot together and, well, I ended up liking him. The only problem was that he sometimes did not seem to feel the same way towards me. He would flirt back and lead my hopes of one day us being together. We even had a lil thing one drunk night, but in the end he would always get another girl or just call me sister, which I hate.

So, this has been going on for almost two years and I am just about tired of all of this. Every time I try to get myself into forgetting him and succeed, he comes around and I fall again. And every time my heart breaks more and more. I’ve never been the lovey-dovey type girl and I am not one to fall in love, but I think this time I fell and it sucks. I even tried that whole psychic thing and they told me that he is immature and that around June he’ll man up and it’ll work out. But it’s already June and it doesn’t seem like anything is going to be working out and I’m done with waiting.

I actually made up my mind to finally tell him so that I am able to move on and get the closure that I need, but my plan was a failure. There doesn’t seem a way that I can get him alone to tell him. Any ideas on how I’ll be able to do so? And trust me, me telling him we should hang out does not work. We have said that before and we just don’t hang out, not to mention that he is seeing someone and knowing him he is just not going to want to hang out. I am desperate to finally get over him, and in need of ideas, so any that you may have I will gladly welcome.

– Woman Down

Dear W.D.,

Oh dear. You seem to be in what we like to call a unilateral relationship. Kind of like Em’s relationship with George Clooney. You say that he “sometimes did not seem to feel the same way towards me”? (Italics ours.) Um, we hate to break the news, but it sounds to us like he’s never felt the same way towards you. You like him; he enjoys the attention and flirts back. You start falling for him; he initiates a drunken hookup. You want more; he hooks up with someone else. You’re thinking “boyf!”; he’s thinking “sister.” And you’ve been putting up with this for two years?! Girl, it’s seriously time to move on. Read the rest of this entry »

A few weeks ago, we noticed The Frisky had a post about the female equivalent of blue balls, which they called (rather uncreatively, we thought), pink balls. This reminded us that a few months back we had you guys nominate your favorite new term for this achy condition. We got some great ideas but  never had you vote for an official winner! So we finally picked the best of the submissions and put them in the poll below — please select your favorite so we can determine a winner by next week and call the Oxford English Dictionary for inclusion in their next edition.

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

It’s not exactly breaking news that people lie like rugs in their online dating profiles. “Recent” photos are a couple years (at least) out of date; the weight someone lists is kind of like that pair of jeans they keep around, hoping they’ll fit again; and the height listed would probably be accurate if the person was standing on a box, like Tom Cruise in his wedding photos.

But OKCupid’s new research shows us exactly how we lie: When they mapped their users’ height against the known national statistics, they found that “The male heights on OkCupid very nearly follow the expected normal distribution — except the whole thing is shifted to the right of where it should be.” (The bell curve on their site, and shown above, makes this easier to grasp.) In other words, “Almost universally guys like to add a couple inches. You can also see a more subtle vanity at work: starting at roughly 5′ 8″, the top of the dotted curve tilts even further rightward. This means that guys as they get closer to six feet round up a bit more than usual, stretching for that coveted psychological benchmark.” For women, on the other hand, while exaggerating height was just as widespread, there was no particular benchmark height that they inclined toward.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

photo by JDAC

Our contributor Chloë Browne, who’s pursuing an Honors Major in Gender and Sexuality Studies at at Swarthmore College, has a confession to make:

About a month ago, tethered to my parents’ couch by a recent wisdom tooth surgery, I found myself in pursuit of life advice from my technological bestie, Google. I was about to move in with my boyfriend, and — perhaps unsurprisingly — was rather underwhelmed by Google’s offerings in response to my query for “Advice for New Cohabitants.” I rolled my eyes through pages and pages of bulleted lists that advised me to “talk about expectations before move-in,” “share household duties” and “be prepared to see a less alluring side of your partner.”

Ugh! Of course I, a progressive and responsible young person, have already done all of of these things. Of course we’re starting on equal footing! Of course we’re sharing household duties! Of course my partner will not picture me as some delicate porcelain goddess who never farts, shaves, or plucks. Stupid lists, you underestimate me! I am together! I am a feminist! I have modern relationship ideals! I’ve totally got this!”

Back then I would have scoffed at the idea that a measly month later I would actually be compiling such a list. But here I am. Needless to say, my expectations of a seamless transition into egalitarian and paradisaical cohabitation were perhaps a smidge far-fetched. Some background: I’m an only child who has managed to get through two years of college with a roommate and maintain my sense of autonomous personal domain. I got to school and, to my delight, found that my roommate had approximately the same approach to organization and storage that I did. That is to say, she didn’t have one. We stayed out of each other’s hair and out of each other’s mess and coasted, individual dens of comfort intact. Read the rest of this entry »