Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “When it comes to the number of sexual partners a woman has had, do guys want to know? Even if they say they do, are they lying?”
Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): It’s the Information Age, and people in general are so conditioned toÂ gather and dissect every morsel of information they can find, that itÂ follows that this would apply in the bedroom as well. I suppose theÂ number of partners someone has had can serve as somewhat of a guage ofÂ their experience, which in turn could provide a relative basis forÂ expectations, or at least a starting point for communication about it.
But communication-wise, far more important is simply sexual health history, regardless of that conversation’s catalyst (again, number ofÂ partners could provide a guage, but one isn’t necessarily dependent onÂ the other). Past the health factors, sure, there are going to beÂ different degrees of curiosity about lots of things when entering into aÂ sexual relationship with someone (likes and dislikes, sex drives, etc.).Â But at this point, we all have our pasts, sexual and otherwise, toÂ decide to share or not share, and at least for me anymore, the strict
number of previous partners is fairly low on the list of need-to-know’s. Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Yes, guys want to know — as long as your number’s lower than theirs. And if you think that’s disappointingly cliche of me, wait until you hear this: I’ve been known to feel threatened by the former sexual partners of women who’ve had fewer than I have. I’ve fixated on their size, their confidence and athleticism, the fact that they persuaded my woman to do things they regretted (but I wouldn’t mind trying) — any aspect of their prowess, real or imagined. Read the rest of this entry »
We’ve come a long way, baby. Check out this penis-shaped….shall we call it a “tool”? It was just unearthed in Sweden during an archeological excavation by the country’s National Heritage Board. Carved out of antler-bone and probably dating back to sometime between 4000 t0 6000 B.C., the dildo-like object measures 4-inches long without much, um, girth (which makes sense since people were a lot smaller back then). The scientists aren’t saying definitively what it was used for, but we know what you’re thinking: it was probably a tool for chipping flint, or better yet, a back massager to relieve stress.
Other peopleâ€™s dreams are never interestingâ€¦except when theyâ€™re about love and sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
Last night I had a dream where I was working at my mom’s job, I met this guy that works there and gave him my number. I then came home to my ex-boyfriend and he got mad about me talking to a guy, he got angry and we started fighting physically. Then he grabbed my wallet and took my car! I ran after him and kicked him out of my car. My mom showed up and somehow he got her car, there was an old man with a cane outside and he started hitting my ex because I yelled for his help. I then took the cane, got in the car and started whacking my ex. Then I noticed there was a baby in the back seat. There was also a girl on a bike who tried to help. Â My ex was driving while I was still in the car hitting him with this cane. Somehow I jumped out the car then I found some people grilling food for 4th of July and I joined them. Finally the cops came and arrested my ex.
Lauri: Wow!Â Lots going on in this dream but thatâ€™s good because it means your dream has a lot to say to you. It seems that youâ€™ve been having a hard time moving on from the ex. It mustâ€™ve been a helluva relationship!Â In the dream he takes your wallet and your car because â€“ whatever happened in that relationship or even in the break-up â€“ has robbed you of your self worth as well as your ability to move on.
Dr. Emily Godfrey is our new hero: she had the courage to be featured on the front page of the NYTimes Sunday Magazine last weekend as a doctor willing to provide abortions, not in an abortion clinic but at her practice where she sees all sorts of patients. In case you missed it last weekend, the article titled “The New Abortion Providers” took a fascinating look at the movement to bring this safe, common and legal medical procedure back into hospitals where it’s less vulnerable to attack by anti-choice zealots:
So I have this guy friend who I met my freshmen year at college. We usedÂ to hang out a lot together and, well, I ended up liking him. The onlyÂ problem was that he sometimes did not seem to feel the same way towardsÂ me. He would flirt back and lead my hopes of one day us being together. We even had a lil thing one drunk night, butÂ in the end he would always get another girl or just call me sister, whichÂ I hate.
So, this has been going on for almost two years and I am justÂ about tired of all of this. Every time I try to get myself into forgettingÂ him and succeed, he comes around and I fall again. And every time my heartÂ breaks more and more. I’ve never been the lovey-dovey type girl and I amÂ not one to fall in love, but I think this time I fell and it sucks. I evenÂ tried that whole psychic thing and they told me that he is immature andÂ that around June he’ll man up and it’ll work out. But it’s already JuneÂ and it doesn’t seem like anything is going to be working out and I’mÂ done with waiting.
I actually made up my mind to finally tell him so thatÂ I am able to move on and get the closure that I need, but my plan was aÂ failure. There doesn’t seem a way that I can get him alone to tell him. Any ideas on how I’ll be able to do so? And trust me, me telling himÂ we should hang out does not work. We have said that before and we justÂ don’t hang out, not to mention that he is seeing someone and knowing himÂ he is just not going to want to hang out. I am desperate to finally getÂ over him, and in need of ideas, so any that you may have I will gladlyÂ welcome.
– Woman Down
Oh dear. You seem to be in what we like to call a unilateral relationship. Kind of like Em’s relationship with George Clooney. You say that he “sometimes did not seem to feel the same way towardsÂ me”? (Italics ours.) Um, we hate to break the news, but it sounds to us like he’s never felt the same way towards you. You like him; he enjoys the attention and flirts back. You start falling for him; he initiates a drunken hookup. You want more; he hooks up with someone else. You’re thinking “boyf!”; he’s thinking “sister.” And you’ve been putting up with this for two years?! Girl, it’s seriously time to move on. Read the rest of this entry »
A few weeks ago, we noticed The Frisky had a post about the female equivalent of blue balls, which they called (rather uncreatively, we thought), pink balls. This reminded us that a few months back we had you guys nominate your favorite new term for this achy condition. We got some great ideas butÂ never had you vote for an official winner! So we finally picked the best of the submissions and put them in the poll below — please select your favorite so we can determine a winner by next week and call the Oxford English Dictionary for inclusion in their next edition.
It’s not exactly breaking news that people lie like rugs in their online dating profiles. “Recent” photos are a couple years (at least) out of date; the weight someone lists is kind of like that pair of jeans they keep around, hoping they’ll fit again; and the height listed would probably be accurate if the person was standing on a box, like Tom Cruise in his wedding photos.
But OKCupid’s new research shows us exactly how we lie: When they mapped their users’ height against the known national statistics, they found that “The male heights on OkCupid very nearly follow the expected normal distribution — except the whole thing is shifted to the right of where it should be.” (The bell curve on their site, and shown above, makes this easier to grasp.) In other words, “Almost universally guys like to add a couple inches. You can also see a more subtle vanity at work: starting at roughly 5′ 8″, the top of the dotted curve tilts even further rightward. This means that guys as they get closer to six feet round up a bit more than usual, stretching for that coveted psychological benchmark.” For women, on the other hand, while exaggerating height was just as widespread, there was no particular benchmark height that they inclined toward.
Our contributor ChloĂ« Browne, who’s pursuing an Honors Major in Gender and Sexuality Studies at at Swarthmore College, has a confession to make:
About a month ago, tethered to my parents’ couch by a recent wisdom tooth surgery, I found myself in pursuit of life advice from my technological bestie, Google. I was about to move in with my boyfriend, and — perhaps unsurprisingly — was rather underwhelmed by Google’s offerings in response to my query for “Advice for New Cohabitants.” I rolled my eyes through pages and pages of bulleted lists that advised me to “talk about expectations before move-in,” “share household duties” and “be prepared to see a less alluring side of your partner.”
Ugh! Of course I, a progressive and responsible young person, have already done all of of these things. Of course we’re starting on equal footing! Of course we’re sharing household duties! Of course my partner will not picture me as some delicate porcelain goddess who never farts, shaves, or plucks. Stupid lists, you underestimate me! I am together! I am a feminist! I have modern relationship ideals! I’ve totally got this!”
Back then I would have scoffed at the idea that a measly month later I would actually be compiling such a list. But here I am. Needless to say, my expectations of a seamless transition into egalitarian and paradisaical cohabitation were perhaps a smidge far-fetched. Some background: I’m an only child who has managed to get through two years of college with a roommate and maintain my sense of autonomous personal domain. I got to school and, to my delight, found that my roommate had approximately the same approach to organization and storage that I did. That is to say, she didn’t have one. We stayed out of each other’s hair and out of each other’s mess and coasted, individual dens of comfort intact. Read the rest of this entry »
Yep, the strap-on post continues to rake in the comments! Today’s featured comment is #210 out of a total of 214 (and counting) responses to the original post. (Only another 70 comments or so to go to catch up with the small penis post!)
I asked the girlfriend to do this for me, and out of love she did. At first she was at unease thinking that I might be gay or somesuch. It was relatively early on in the relationship and we were only beginning to explore our sexuality. I explained that Iâ€™d messed around back there with a toy that Iâ€™d bought and realized that it felt damn fantastic. I openly admitted I also like to be physically dominated by her (or rather had fantasies of such). I took a risk in telling her this, and doing so definitely brought about a weird vibe between us for a while. However, we already had a good degree of trust established between us, and only for that it certainly could have ended there.
She decided to give me what I wanted . . . She did not get off on the idea nor the physical sensation for the first few times.Â It was only when we did invest in a proper strap-on + dildo + bullet vibrator that she could begin to get some good physical sensation from it. She did admit though she quickly liked being the dominant partner sometimes, and that it got her aroused in ways never experienced before.
A year and a few months on from that we often look back and laugh at how naive we were about it all.It doesnâ€™t seem like that big of a deal anymore.
If youâ€™re a guy reading this and wondering whether to let your girlfriend try this on youâ€¦ Iâ€™d recommend reading up on the prostate and playing with it yourself. The only thing left stopping you now are probably insecurities and homophobia, and if so, they are the cause of you missing out on a hole load of phun.
If youâ€™re a girl reading this wondering what the is wrong with your boyfriendâ€¦ I ask, what is wrong with you?