We have nothing against casual sex so long as everyone is being safe and the casual nature of the sex is completely mutual. And “mutual” is where things get tricky. May we introduce you to the concept of a prenook? This is the casual-sex equivalent of the prenup. The pre-nook is more about honest communication than the literal presence of a fifteen-page signed documentâ€”it verbally outlines both partyâ€™s intentions and expectations. If you have absolutely zero interest in seeing someone again, it would be wrong to lure them home with promises (even implicit promises) of a beautiful relationship. And if you think your booty call partner is just hanging in there in the hope of converting you into a boyfriend or girlfriend, you must retire that booty call number ASAP.
There is no one-size-fits-all pronouncement that secures a prenookâ€”after all, “Letâ€™s have a one-night stand” or “Let’s explore every inch of each other’s bodies and then pretend we don’t know each other in the morning” or “Is it okay if I never call you again?” will kill the mood for most people. That said, any of these linesâ€”as with cheesy pick-up linesâ€”might work if spoken with the right dose of humor.
A prenook is kind of like porn: You know it when you see it. Be honest, ladies and gentlemen: Usually you can tell when someone is falling hard for you. These people have most definitely not signed your prenook. (If they’re a really good liar and manage to convince you otherwise, the heartbreak is on them.) But if you screw up and “accidentally” (riiiight) go home with someone who wants to go for a long walk in the park the next morning, do not lie to make a quick escape. Do not say you will call unless you plan on it. Tell them you had an awesome time and that maybe you’ll see them around. Feel free to high-five if the moment feels right.
By the way, in certain sexed-up circumstances (say, spring break in Cancun, or a swingersâ€™ convention in Tampa), the prenook goes without saying. At times like these, the implicit promise is that you will get laid, and you will get laid tonight. Therefore, a spring break prenook operates in reverse: a) You must fess up before getting to the bedroom if you suffer from erectile dysfunction, and b) you must provide a heads-up if all youâ€™re in for is a kiss and a cuddle (though it goes without saying that anyone can change their minds as to how far they are willing to go at any pointâ€”weâ€™re talking to you, date rapers). The reverse prenook allows the recipient to look for their jollies elsewhere, should they so desire.