Other peopleâ€™s dreams are never interestingâ€¦except when theyâ€™re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I had this dream twice in one week and I would like to know what it means. I am not the sort of person to remember my dreams each night, so initially when this one was vivid in my mind in the morning I attributed it to stress at work or with my boyfriend. When I had the exact same dream a few days later I wrote it down because it made no sense to me. Here goes…
I was traveling at night in the rain to a baseball game in Oakland (I do not live there, but my boyfriend loves the A’s). On the way I stopped at an apartment I was unfamiliar with. I knocked on the door and was greeted by a beautiful man I did not recognize. I was immediately attracted to him and I tried to leave but a bright silver cord connected us from my chest to his. I gave up fighting and followed the cord until we were in a passionate embrace. I kissed the stranger like he was a long lost lover! We ran to his bedroom and made love, and afterward I went to his closet for a robe. I found women’s clothing and put on a light blue kimono. Then his live-in girlfriend came home! We hid in the closet, terrified. He went out to distract her but she found me. I felt terrible for hurting her but not sorry — I was in love. Then I woke up.
It is not my style to cheat or be a home wrecker, so I have no idea where these images came from in my brain!
Lauri: Your instinct that this dream was triggered by stress with your boyfriend is probably spot on. Your dream starts where you are driving in the rain, which is a good indication you have been traveling through life with a bit of sorrow lately as that is what the rain is, your tears (even if you only shed them on the inside). Your destination is Oakland, which you connected to something your boyfriend loves. Good job making that connection! This suggests that you are trying to reach a place in your relationship where your boyfriend will love you the way he loves the Oakland Aâ€™s.
You make a stop in the dream before you reach your destination because in waking life you need to stop and gather yourself because something is not going so well. The man in your dream is a part of you, he is a part of your self that you need to be attracted to and that you need to unite with (hence the sex) and utilize in your life right now. This is why you were connected to him in your dreamâ€¦ he is you, your male energy, the part of you that can be â€śballsyâ€ť and stand up for what is right and handle the situation.
You are connected at the chest because the chest is where the heart is and where we carry our emotions. Your dream may be telling you to â€śstep up to the plateâ€ť (since weâ€™re using baseball references) and have a heart to heart with your BF. Notice how you gave up fighting in the dream? You need to give up fighting in real life too and connect with him on a male energy level. In other words, donâ€™t let your emotions cloud the conversation. Sometimes the pain we feel overpowers or distorts the facts.
Hiding in the closet suggests there is something in waking life you may be hiding, perhaps a certain thought or idea you have been keeping to yourself. The girlfriend represents your role as girlfriend. Yes, everything in your dream is all about you! Your dream is showing you that, as a girlfriend, you need to â€śopen upâ€ť about this issue or this thought that you have been keeping to yourself. It may hurt â€“ just as the girlfriend was hurt in the dream â€“ but you are in love and honesty is always the best policy. Oh yeah, and that light blue kimono is letting you know that this will lighten your “blues.”
Dreamer’s response: Thank you so much for analyzing my dream. Â I was surprised to read the interpretation that I was hiding a thought in real life, because as soon as I read that I knew it was true. Â Since March my boyfriend (of two years) and I have been talking seriously about getting married. Â I love him so much and we are both excited! He chose a location, we outlined a budget, and we recently agreed to announce to both our families at Thanksgiving.
However, I’ve had a gut feeling that something was off for a little while. Â He talks a good game when we are with family and friends but when we are alone the vibe is lacking our usual closeness. Â I have asked more than once what’s wrong but he insisted everything was fine. Â IÂ tried having more sex, less sex, more dates… nothing helped.
After reading your assessment I knew I couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room any longer. Â I did what every woman should restrain herself from doing — I checked his phone. Â It was awful! Â There were dozens of text messages to other women. Â Dozens! Â Most were just flirty, some were totally sexual. Â It was clear he was having sex with one woman in particular every few weeks! Â I was horrified, crushed, nauseated…stunned! Â I had been ready to share my life with this man. Suddenly little clues I had been willfully ignoring all fell into place. Â He had been cheating on me for months, starting when he privately proposed in March.
Obviously, I confronted him and we had it out Big Time. Â How could he do this to me?!? and Why?
He had no excuses. Â He crumpled like a wet taco, said he didn’t know why he had done it, the other woman meant nothing to him, he had never wanted to leave me, HE STILL LOVED ME more than ever, it was just sex, he had always planned to stop before the wedding…
I was so hurt and disgusted, with him and myself. Â He admitted that he needed help and then begged me to stay with him and work through it. Â Shame on me, I thought about it. Â I asked my mother and best friend for advice and was shocked that my mother’s advice was to see if I could forgive him. Â She is usually very protective of me, but this time she commented that if I had found out after we were married I would have had to just cope, forgive, and move on so why not do so now?
Even if I could have forgiven him, I would never have trusted him again.
So the wedding is off.
Thank you Lauri for helping me listen to myself. Â I can see now that I knew more than I was ready to admit. Â Driving through the rain in my dream definitely seems like the sadness I have felt trying to figure out what was wrong with us, and thank goodness my inner male self knew I had to put my foot down even if it hurt my heart.