Wise Guys: Why Do Men Deny Masturbating?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Why do some men — single, married, in relationships, straight, gay, bisexual, etc. — deny masturbating?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

joel_derfner_100Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Are you serious? I’ve never met a man who denied masturbating. Ever. In this or any previous life. If I did, I would get the hell away from him as soon as possible, because the only explanation would be that he was an ax murderer with a shrine to Brittany Murphy in his bedroom, with someone’s severed head on top.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Comedians who break taboos talk about it, but the rest of us try to avoid the subject. In school you could never have admitted to buffing the banana, because it would have been like telling the whole 8th grade class you have body lice and skid marks. Goodbye friends, hello nicknames! In hindsight it seems like giving yourself a low-five would have been something to brag about — like growing facial hair — but we didn’t get any guidance from parents, friends, or the media. Maybe it’s religious shame still choking our society: on TV, everyone’s getting laid, but nobody jerks off. So until that taboo is lifted, we’ll continue to deny that we punch the munchkin, butter the corn, shake hands with the midget, or pat the robertson.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): Until maybe very recently, nearly all depictions of male masturbation have made it seem like the most disgustingly pervy, unhealthy, immature, and (worst of all) desperate thing a man can do. For instance, think about the archetypical dirty old man in a trench coat, or the loser characters in Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Something About Mary.

When men in relationships do it, they or their partners often see it as “cheating.” Theologically, masturbation has been held to be a worse sin (a mortal sin with automatic damnation) than rape (a venal sin that can be repented!).  Medically, masturbation was until very recently believed, no kidding, to lead to insanity and early death. Legally, it’s historically been punished the same way sodomy was — with floggings, branding, and even hanging! Politically, just a few years ago the U.S. Surgeon General was fired for suggesting it was okay for adolescents to learn about in sex ed. Even today, the fact that every heterosexual porn scene ends with the male actors rubbing out a “money shot” doesn’t make us feel more like admitting it. And that’s just the short answer!

In retrospect, all that hoopla to discourage male masturbation seems foolish, as does the similar discouragement women got. Even though the stigma’s evaporating pretty quickly, it’s understandable that a lot of men — and a lot of women — are still reluctant to admit to it.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish, and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


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21 Comments on "Wise Guys: Why Do Men Deny Masturbating?"


frankie
4 years 3 months ago

i love wacking off while my ex wife watches me….

Helixbill
4 years 9 months ago

Religion has kept both sexes feel guilty about masturbation.

I can’t remember the Simon and Garfunkel song that had a line about being grateful for having hands.

My wife knows I masturbate and sometimes watches or helps.

I have always considered mutual masturbation to be a real turn on.

Besides, is there any ‘safer’ sex?

Madamoiselle L
4 years 9 months ago

There’s nothing wrong with a man or a woman wanting the occasional self pleasure of rubbing one out. I don’t see a problem. My Man knows I know he jerks off on occasion. He knows I Flick the Bean from time to time. It’s no big deal for either one of us, and it’s part of a healthy, active sex life between the two of us.

I can’t even IMAGINE telling My Man what to do, or what he “isn’t allowed” to do with his own body. He’s a grown man, for Pete’s sake. In the name of honesty and openness, we even talk about it to each other.

In the Bible, Onan’s sin was refusing to impregnate his dead brother’s wife. In Ancient Jewish Times, if a man died without a son, his brother was to take the dead man’s wife as his own, and the first born son of that union was considered the dead man’s son. Onan didn’t want to do this, so he “pulled out” while making love to his new wife (his sister in law) and “spilled his seed into the dust.” His “sin” was refusing to allow his dead brother to have a “son” his sin was not jerking off.

It still amazed me that people who know the LEAST about religion tend to be those who want to shove their misconceptions of it down throats of others the most.

Handyman
4 years 9 months ago

For Carmen,

Why didn’t you clear this up before you were married. I told my wife, then girlfriend, that I masturbate at least 5 times a week, but will always make time for her. If she would have had a problem with this than it is not meant to be and move on.

To this day I masturbate about the same. Been married for 14 years and have never turned down sex so I can masturbate. She still knows I masturbate. She also masturbates when I’m not home.

Life is too short to settle for being unhappy.

Black Iris
4 years 9 months ago

@Johnny – I don’t think Carmen is a wuss, I think he’s a guy who loves his wife and wants to stay with her, even though they disagree about God’s view on masturbation.

I think his wife is wrong about what God thinks of masturbation, but I have some sympathy for her feeling that male masturbation means the woman is doing something wrong. Women in general are really, really good at guilt and insecurity. We have good imaginations and we think about relationships, a lot. Anything you do may be interpreted as saying something about whether or not you love us. I know not all women are like this, but it’s not uncommon.

On top of all that, we are frequently told by the media that if a guy cheats, it’s because his wife didn’t take care of him in bed – or because she put on weight and became unattractive. Some religious leaders push the idea that a wife should meet her husband’s sexual needs so that he won’t cheat. Any woman might worry that masturbation is a sign that she isn’t satisfying her husband, but a woman who thinks God is against masturbation might feel very guilty that she is causing her husband to sin.