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Your Call: How Can I Enjoy Receiving Oral More?

Thu, Sep 2, 2010

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo by Bogdan Suditu

Dear Em & Lo.

I’m a 48-year-old female and I can’t seem to achieve an orgasm during oral sex. It all seems too intense. However, I don’t have any problems when masturbating. I feel it is like… someone else scratching your feet… it tickles. If I do it myself, it doesn’t tickle. Is there anything I can do so that my man can achieve this wonderful thing for me?

– Don’t Tickle Me Elmo

What should D.T.M.E. do? Share your advice and experience below…

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10 Responses to “Your Call: How Can I Enjoy Receiving Oral More?”

  1. Dannie Says:

    Everyone responds to different sensations differently, so in the end, oral sex may just not be your cup of tea. However, there are some things you could do to try to change the experience for you. When you’re by yourself, pay special attention to the exact sort of sensations that you respond well to. Maybe he just needs to change his approach; try different sensations. Have him start out light and delicate, or maybe have him change to slower, stronger tongue strokes. Perhaps have him add his hands or fingers to stimulate you. It may take some time to figure out, but if you pay attention to what sensations are working and what aren’t, eventually you may be able to work out a routine that doesn’t ‘tickle’ too much. Also, part of the tickling may be due to nerves; if you’re nervous at all about him being down there, that emotion can manifest itself in some different ways. Try relaxing and talking openly with him about things; take the time you need. If he’s performing oral on you, chances are he cares a lot about your pleasure, and communication can never, ever hurt. If, in the end, it just simply doesn’t work out, don’t worry about it! Go with what works for you; there’s nothing wrong with that.

  2. Fuschia Says:

    We often train ourselves to orgasm in specific situations when we have relied on masturbation alone for orgasm. You can use this to your advantage by focusing on a specific fantasy when you masturbate, and then concentrate on the same mental imagery whilst receiving oral sex.

    Additionally, try and incorporate into your masturbatory habits anything that your partner does during oral sex that is out of your usual pattern. This could mean using more, or a different type of lube, starting out more slowly, and matching the intensity of your partner’s preferred pattern.

    Finally, remember that receiving oral sex can be foreplay, afterplay, a main course, or anything in between. If possible, remove the (mental/emotional) pressure to reach orgasm, and simply work with your partner on finding out what feels good. You can show your partner how you masturbate (still without the pressure to achieve orgasm) and work up to masturbating to orgasm in front of your “audience”.

    Some folks cannot achieve orgasms at all- via any method or duration or arousal. You are ahead of the game- you know it’s possible and now you have the fun of the exploration!

  3. Shewolf68 Says:

    Maybe he should rub you out a bit more before going downtown…That way you’re more than halfway there already by the time the tongue…meets the road…so to speak!

    Also…keep thinking of the nastiest dirtiest things you can that you know get you off. I don’t get off solely on just the physical, you may need to dip deeper into your erotic imagination archive a few rungs higher! if you don’t have a deep well of erotic imagery…go online and find a few…and don’t get hung up on what gets you off…if it makes you climax…all the better….they’re just thoughts after all.

  4. RetroRiotGRRRL Says:

    I don’t really know what to say about all this but I’m commenting so I can remember to keep track of this one, I’m pretty interested now. Sorry that I can’t be of more help. Hope you can get everything worked out.

  5. JLWPGH Says:

    Talk with your partner. If they know, and enjoy doing it for you. Be adventurous. Think about what the other responder said. What works when your alone. Try to convey that to your partner. Try it somewhere else. The sofa, a golf course at night, a drive in. Go for it and enjoy. Just trying will bring you closer (in most cases). Practice, Practice, Practice there is not a test. But you will know it when you succeed. Have FUN.

  6. Aurra Says:

    Try it with a girl. They’re usually better at it.
    Or tell your partner to just stick out their tongue and hold still and then pretty much hump it while you lie on your back. It will take a while though.

  7. figleaf Says:

    For what it’s worth I’ve had the same problem with enjoying fellatio. It’s supposed to be this holy grail of gratification… and for some people it obviously is… but for others it just isn’t the right sensations in the right places.

    That doesn’t mean it’ll never happen — it eventually did for me — but it does mean it’s not the shoe-in it’s made out to be.

    One bit of advice for receiving that I think might be cross-purpose is to ask for pace and pressure that’s similar to what works for you when you touch yourself. Which may not be at all what seems obvious to your partner when he’s going down on you. For instance it’s awfully easy to slip one’s tongue under the clitoral hood and just go to town… but that’s not where a lot of women touch themselves and the rough texture of a tongue can be too intense. (I’m not saying that’s what’s happening for you, just giving an example of the difference between what you might do for yourself and what a partner might be doing instead.)

    But really, while it’s fine to keep trying it it’s just as fine to decide it’s just not for you and suggest your partner work on ways that do get you off.

    Tip: Shewolf68′s suggestion of getting warmed up first with something that reliably works for you (either by you or your partner) before moving to oral is a good one. For anything new, not just receiving cunnilingus or fellatio.

    Good luck!

    figleaf

  8. Dashygurl Says:

    While like one of the responders mentioned it just be oral from the jump, unless you are already feeling it and somewhat moist… Anyway hold his head to let him know where to go, and he can’t just lick around the area, all the places the penis go is where the tongue have to go… Once you get it you will know why its the best thing since sliced bread.
    enjoy

  9. Aztrish Says:

    Its simple, guy or girl if you don’t like oral, someone is not doing something right. No really,many many misguided souls are out there thinking they dont like it and its just never been done right.
    From not spending any time talking about it, to doing that all to familiar guy thing of going right for your clit like a pitbull, determined to make you cum.lol

    Find what you think is missing. Are you a talker? You’re here so I vote yes, lol Try having a conversation about it, looking at each other when you do it, or like even lights out, head on his chest.. and just talk. Also for a woman you feel very very vulnerable when receiveing. Idk what it is, I think its that need to be the one “taking care of things” lol Like you have to accept this gift from him and you have to feel secure enough in the fact that he wants to do it.
    Guys, you know what I mean yes? You’ve all had that woman that gives you a couple licks then pops right back up.lol
    My guy said to me years ago he didn’t understand why it felt like it did just simply running my hand over his body. Know why? Cuz Im not TOUCHING HIM, IM FEEEELING HIM. I’m doing that for me! I want to do it. When I put my lips around his cock its because I love the way the smooth soft skin feels against my lips and tongue and because Im in awe of being able to feel the cycle of him getting hard.. building and releasing… all with my mouth. haha
    Same the other way, The man I love loves to eat my pussy! lol no other way to say it, and I know that he is going to do it, until he wants to stop, maybe when I cum, maybe before, and I am just happy for it.. lol and I cum. Often multiple times and he loves that. lol You have to like doing it, to do it well.
    So um what.. oh if there’s no security you will have a hard time letting go. and you want to!trust me! Cumming by your own hand is easy, you’re not scared of your reaction, you are not afraid that you are making you do something you are not fond of.lol Talk to your man, ask him his thoughts on oral sex. If he’s all about it, then honey let the man give you a gift. Its a gift, when I cum with my own hand its much more controlled. When he’s going down on me he’s in control and I just hang on and go for the ride. Its a body shaking, sheet soaking thing, lol I can’t do that to me.lol You sound like you want it, so work on it, its worth it. xox

  10. clara box Says:

    iam 65 still enjoy sex but ihas astoke five year ago i have trouble coming .can you give some ansner


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