The Virgin Diaries: The Top 10 Cons of Virginity

Our contributor Katherine Chen, once an English major at Princeton University (check out her personal site here), penned a series of confessions for EMandLO.com collectively called “The Virgin Diaries.” Here’s her 9th installment. Her previous one is Top 10 PROS of Virginity:

  1. Giving the objective, outsider perspective on sex and relationships to friends also means being the outsider when they are sharing their sexual experiences.
  2. The longer I put off having sex, the more paranoid I get about the negative consequences (pregnancy, STDs, heartbreak), despite the fact that there are so many preventative measures available.
  3. Porn and erotic literature can only go so far in satisfying your sexual fantasies before both become redundant and even boring.
  4. Being a virgin is still equated these days with being a prude, which is not who I am at all.
  5. While I’m glad my parents and relatives are pleased with my decision to remain a virgin, I hate how being a virgin binds me to a corresponding set of values, some of which I don’t even uphold.
  6. While I’ve avoided all the pitfalls of sex, I’ve never experienced its joys either: the fun of dating, the thrill of passion, the intimacy of connecting with another human being.
  7. Masturbation can’t get nearly as creative or varied as actual partner sex.
  8. While I would love to say that hundreds of men have tried to bed me in the past, I actually haven’t received even one invitation, which hasn’t exactly boosted my self-esteem; and having low self-esteem doesn’t improve my chances of attracting someone — it’s a vicious circle. So the possibility I’m going to turn into Steve Carell’s character from “The 40 Year Old Virgin” becomes ever more real — which is just depressing.
  9. For better or for worse, being the typical “chaste virgin” in this society doesn’t hold as much weight as it used to (except for maybe in horror movies).
  10. Needless to say, with all this pent-up sexual energy, I get frustrated. Sometimes I would just like to unleash my inner beast with someone but I have no outlet (at least not ones that I can feel good about).

Need convincing to KEEP your V-Card?
“Top 10 Pros of Being a Virgin” 


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13 Comments on "The Virgin Diaries: The Top 10 Cons of Virginity"


S-Morlowe
4 years 6 months ago

*Sorry, that should read “and it implies they lack the imagination…”

S-Morlowe
4 years 6 months ago

@C.Anderson: ‘Virgin’ doesn’t necessarily equate to ‘innocent’, a point that Katherine herself made. Your analogy is offensive to anyone who chooses not to participate in PIV intercourse, but who still has a rich sex life, or lacks the imagination and empathy necessary to discuss something they’ve no experience with- being a girl, I’ve never been kicked in the balls, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wince in sympathy if I ever see it happen to a guy.

Lady_waiting_impatiently
4 years 6 months ago

No profound insight to offer, merely to say that I understand, and empathise. I haven’t (yet) read the rest of your posts, so I don’t know the reason for your choice, or if it is a choice at all, or the result of circumstance.

The general assumption seems to be that in today’s society, sex is available, with or without emotional involvement, if you want it. Perhaps for many it is, but I have found this assumption to be untrue. Perhaps my personality and personal style are to blame – like you, neither is prudish – but also like you, I have not found offers on every corner. I have now come not to expect invitations, to the extent that on the one occasion a sexual encounter was offered to me, in an only moderately subtle way, I genuinely didn’t realise what was on the table, and turned the man in question down for both what he was ostensibly and implicity offering.

Whether or not I would have accepted had I realised is a moot point, but I do understand your feelings of concern and depression. I would assume from your biog that I’m a few years older than you, so in best ‘big-sister mode': As futile as hope sometimes seems, we simply have to keep the faith that one day the right person, the right time, the right situation will appear. I’m not saying don’t seek it out – it’s far less likely to happen if we hibernate and wallow, but try, hard as it is, not to add to the pressure on yourself – society, it’s expectations, and the sometimes unthinking comments of friends will do that more than well enough for you.

4 years 6 months ago

Katherine, just because men haven’t offered to sleep with you doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t. This was a tough point for me to get over too.
I just realized that men won’t usually come out and say it. They don’t like getting slapped :)
And I agree with point 4. Actually, not telling people about your v-card can help a lot.

Allison
4 years 7 months ago

I understand all kinds of reasons for wanting to be a virgin. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21 and TOTALLY ready. Thanks to a semi-religious and highly-conservative (in regards to those kinds of values only, really) upbringing, I viewed sex as a bad thing, and people who had it as being dirty somehow. But eventually I got over it and realized I wanted to do it, I met the right guy, everything clicked, and sex is awesome. Also, my first time was totally great and painless, probably due to masturbation/foolin’ around before we did it.

Anyway, you are missing out on one of the best parts about life. You can have sex with someone you’re not in love with and still enjoy it. Sex is great. If you’re ready, don’t wait around for someone to pick you.