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Your Call: How Can I Convince My Girlfriend I Love Her Body?

Fri, Nov 12, 2010

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo by Bob B. Brown

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

How do I convince my girlfriend that I love her just the way she is? My girlfriend is overweight but I love her body the way it is. She thinks that I am just saying that to be nice, but it’s not true, I love women with meat on their bones and have told her that. How can I convince her that I love her body the way it is?

– Girlfriend Appreciation Society

What should G.A.S. do? Share your advice below…

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13 Responses to “Your Call: How Can I Convince My Girlfriend I Love Her Body?”

  1. johnny Says:

    You can’t. Too personal. The best you can do is lead by example. Show her how much you love her body. If she still doesn’t love it, that’s an issue she’s going to have to come to terms with by herself.

  2. marzipan Says:

    Dear Girlfriend Appreciation Society,
    I admire you for embarking on such a sweet quest – but I want you to know, it is going to take a very long time. It is going to take you repeatedly say (more times than you think is necessary or reasonable, and this will only work if you are 100% genuine every single time), I think you are sexy. I love you. You are so beautiful. I just can’t get enough of you. I love it when you wear your hair like that, it makes me want to rip your clothes off IMMEDIATELY .

    And slowly, but surely, your sweetheart might begin to be able to make those positive associations herself. She may catch herself one day looking in the mirror and smile thinking about how she wore her hair that one time and how you responded.

    I will echo Johnny about in stating that it is something that you cannot do for her, but love is tremendously healing in these areas. There are few things better able to mend an impaired body image than the longevity and support of a loving relationship in which your partner repeatedly shows up, loves you, and finds you sexy.

    Best of luck. xox marzipan

  3. Charlie W Says:

    G.A.S.: Stop trying to convince her of anything. Just show her. It’s all about her self-image and you can’t change that image one bit. So just love her — tell her, show her, oogle her.

    Woman with a bad self-image just need to be shown they really aren’t being judged at all. Don’t make an issue about it. Don’t bring it up. If this truly isn’t an issue for you there really is no reason to ever mention it.

    After a while, I can assure you, she will come around to see that you genuinely love her and all that she has to offer.

    Good luck.

  4. Diz Says:

    I too used to feel like my Mister was ‘just being nice’ when he told me he preferred bless-size women, as he calls our kind :)

    Mistrust often comes from bad experiences so she kinda needs to deal with those issues alone.

    One thing I do know is that finding out your fella watches BBW porn and salivates over big shiny oily cellulite bums really does convince you that he likes your booty how it is!

    Perhaps give a casual peep into your world of recreational stimulatory preference (aka. porn tags). Watching porn together can bring on such gooood times ;)

  5. Diz Says:

    Also, I think these comments above are fucking banging, as we say in South London.

  6. Renee Says:

    I’m sure you do love her the way she is, however, you said that you “love women with meat on their bones and you have told her that.” By you saying that to her, you really haven’t made her feel special at all. She probably feels less secure now.
    Anyway, if she is the only one for you, and you want to help her…then you have to replace her negative thoughts with positive ones. Here’s what I would do;
    Go to her and take her by the hand, tell her
    “c’mere babe, I want to show you something.”
    Lead her to a mirror and show her what you love about her appearance. Say “look at your eyes. I love the color, the shine, and the way you look at me” Then run your fingers through her hair, tell her how soft it is, and you love the way it smells. Then gently kiss her neck and whisper in her ear “only you can turn me on this way. I love you.” Gently blow in her ear, then kiss her cheek, put your lips on hers. All the while, you’re both getting turned on, and this will help spark her self esteem. Before long, her thought process will change about how she sees herself. It will be a natural flow.
    Don’t focus on the fat…focus on individual
    traits that make her unique and worth loving. Best wishes.
    This is my saying and my motto in life:
    “You can’t look forward if you’re looking down” Renee M. 11/13/2010 2:56pm EST

  7. Valerie Says:

    You can’t tell her, you have to make her FEEL sexy ;) She’ll love you for it!!

  8. Jeanie Says:

    This could have been written about me. When the BF and I first got together (and still now, I’m getting better but I freely admit that I still have issues) my self-image was HORRIBLE. It was WEIRD to have this guy telling me that I was sexy and he loved my ass and thought I was beautiful – and he meant it! Imagine that! He wasn’t just trying to get into my pants for the night! I, on the other hand, hated my naked body, and couldn’t even IMAGINE what he saw that was positive.

    Guys have a built-in lie detector. When they are turned on, the compass points north. Once I wrapped my head around that little biological fact, it got easier. I still have to fight the urge to argue with him though, whenever he calls me “sexy” or tells me I’m beautiful.

    Keep in mind, all women are wired differently, but I can give you advice based on what’s worked for me:

    1. Tell her you think she’s amazing and sexy and beautiful. Compliment her. BUT only when it’s completely sincere; not just on a regular basis like a broken record. When she’s dressed up, when you’re in bed, whenever. Don’t get frustrated, and impatient, just be sincere and give her time to believe you. And it will take time, especially if she’s got some baggage from bad ex-BFs.

    2. I didn’t mind hearing that my BF preferred women that he didn’t feel like he was going to break. Some women, though, would find that rather icky. Play it safe, and let it go. If you love her and are attracted to her, then focus on that and leave body size out of it altogether. Otherwise, if she starts to slim down, a whole new set of issues could come into play – and she could get scared that you won’t be attracted if she gets too slim. Hey, girl brain is a crazy place and some us can over think ANYTHING. I’m down 20 lbs since we met (no, not for him, I’d already run an 8k the week before our first date) and it crosses my mind all the time.

    3. Keep the sex coming. Guys have a built-in lie detector. When they are turned on, the compass points north. You may remind of her of that. I know it helped me.

    4. You didn’t say how long you’d been together, but trust takes time. And trusting a guy enough to believe what he tells you, especially when you don’t agree, is not an easy thing.

    Good luck!

  9. Shewolf68 Says:

    You just need to remind her that if you weren’t into her body, you’d already be with some waif like elfin creature and wouldn’t be trying so hard to convince her it her body you are choosing to be with and make love to.

    But it isn’t going to be easy.After all, you are there with he now…by your own choice and not out of pity I presume.

  10. redundant Says:

    may not need to be stated,but here goes:

    Compliment her at times other than when you’re trying to get lucky. I mean,you need to sweet talk (or whatever yall are into) then as well,but at other times also so she doesn’t feel that you’re just saying the right things trying to get in her pants! Good luck.

  11. ciara Says:

    My friends boyfriend would always tell her he loved her body but she never believed him (they never do) so he bought her a dough nut everyday till she believed him. Sounds strange but it worked.

  12. JayJay Says:

    Like everyone else said, words only go so far. Being a female that constantly fluctuates weight, I can say first hand that I notice the little things…the guys that won’t go near my stomach, and the guy that constantly rubs it and kisses it and worships it. Its no wonder why the latter dude provides me with orgasms and satisfaction no one else has even come close to!

    Enjoy her “problem areas” (as she would say, of course)…not in a blatant grabbing type way, as that might make her more self conscious, but just in a truly enjoying and “worshipping” way…trust me – shell notice. And it will leave her with no small amount of gratitude, appreciation, and best of all, confidence!!

  13. Tea Says:

    If your GF’s self-esteem and positive body image is build solely by your adoration, that’s not healthy for her. If you “own” her sexiness by being the only person in the relationship that believes this truth (that she is sexy at any size) that puts her in a emotionally dangerous position. Keep believing in her, of course. And keep telling and showing her that you sincerely feel she is sexy and you love her body, mind and spirit. AND find ways to nurture her self-image so that she can self-validate and doesn’t rely on external validation of her desirability. Body image counseling can do wonders. Taking classes together as a couple that encourage developing body confidence (like salsa dancing, yoga, or something else she’s always dreamed of doing that she thought she’s too heavy to do) Bottom line is, SHE has to want to change her negative body image. You can encourage her in a million ways, big and small…but she has to see it as a problem that she wants to solve. Doing so is deep emotional work and if you can support her through that growth process, you will find a woman that trusts you with every cell of her body. Best wishes!


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