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Confession: The Top 10 Noises That Remind Me of Sex

Thu, Jan 6, 2011

Confessions, Personal Post

photo by NOAA’s National Ocean Service

Our contributor Abby Spector, who is majoring in Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, confesses which noises remind her of sex:

  1. Weight lifting. I am currently visiting friends who live below a weight lifter. (By weight lifter I mean a scrawny college student who is hoping muscle milk will wash away his nerdy genes). At all hours of the day you hear a “huuuurrrggg” followed by the slamming of a metal weight against the floor. Huuuurrrggg….slam… huuuurrrggg….slam!
  2. Rocking chairs. Creek—creek—creek…Granny can get down and dirty too.
  3. The involuntary, ecstatic sounds that are provoked by receiving a great massage. Nothing comes closer.
  4. Eating delicious foods that make your mouth water and stomach jump with joy. Mmm—Ohh—God—That’s good—give me more!
  5. Trampoline jumping. Or should I say TRAMP-o-line? Bounce—bing—Bounce—bing…all at a steady tempo.
  6. A ruckus game of Bop-It. Twist-it—bop-it—spin-it—flick-it….(doo-doo-doo-doo-duh-doo-doo).
  7. The mating call of the humpback whale. It sends shivers down my spine every time. Awooo—awooo—awooo—ah—ahhh.
  8. The sound of a basketball bouncing against a headboard for 5 minutes and 22 seconds (the average time it takes to get out a good bang).  Bong—bong—bong.
  9. A studious, library-loving pupil deep in thought. The repetitive “hmmm…huhh…hmmm…”-ing, followed by the loud spank of a book shutting.
  10. The sounds of brawny men moving furniture. Erggg—ahhh—errgg—ssss—push harder…The combination of their grunts and the scraping of furniture make it sound like the making of a gay porno.

Abby Spector

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One Response to “Confession: The Top 10 Noises That Remind Me of Sex”

  1. Mara Says:

    Hahahaha keep it up your posts are amazing!


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