Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!
EM & LO's Sexy Holiday Gift Guide

Good Vibes Sex Toys

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Christmas Story Lamp on Amazon


How to Turn Your Bedroom Into a Den of Iniquity

Thu, Feb 10, 2011

Advice, How To

photo by greenfaerietree

Before a hot date, you (hopefully) shower, put on clean underwear, dress up nicely and generally get gussied up. If there’s any chance you’ll end up back at your place, then your bedroom deserves the same sort of preparation and attention. Here are ten steps to turning your bedroom into a genuine love nest.

  1. Invest in sheets with a decent thread count–there’s nothing sexy about your bare skin against the equivalent of burlap. And please wash them regularly (i.e. more than once a year).
  2. Make sure your bed gives you both proper support, because if you’ve got a bad back, you’re not going to feel much like pelvic thrusting.
  3. Get rid of the bright overheads and decorate with some soft, flattering, low lights in various corners–even better if you put them all on dimmers.
  4. Don’t put one side of your bed against a wall–that’s for kiddies and college students.
  5. You should remove any of the following: photos of family and in-laws, work-related materials, towering piles of stinky laundry, self-help books (like Straight Talk About Surgical Penis Enlargement or If Men Are Like Buses, Then How Do I Catch One?), stuffed animals.
  6. Have live plants or flowers in your room instead of fake, artificial ones, but only if you’ve got a green thumb. Having a rotting, dying plant in your love haven will defeat its purpose.
  7. Your bedside tables on both sides of the bed (for when there’s more than one of you) should definitely have drawers so you can discreetly keep lube, condoms, and sex toys within arm’s reach. Otherwise, get one of those books with a secret compartment.
  8. Put the stereo speakers on either side of the bed with the subwoofer under the bed for good surround sound when you play the soundtrack to your sex life (no Barry White, please–so overdone).
  9. Turn off your phone. Better yet, leave it outside the bedroom (at least while you’re entertaining).
  10. Get rid of the television.

This column also appeared in print in Metro

, ,

 

One Response to “How to Turn Your Bedroom Into a Den of Iniquity”

  1. Spes Says:

    Addition to No.10: the computer goes as well.


Leave a Reply