Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a very weird and vivid dream last week involving two men that I have been involved with in the past few years. First I dreamed about an old friend of mine that I have hooked up with a few times in the last year — and stopped after he said he wanted to keep a friendship. I dreamed that I saw him rowing at a regatta, and then I looked down and saw a giant gash on my chest (on the left side of my sternum). I was on the other side of the bay getting it stitched up, when I saw pirates row up the boathouse of the regatta and invade the regatta. Since I was far away, there was nothing I could do but watch, while someone stitched me up. Very odd, I know.

Later on that night, I had a SECOND dream. I was with a girl friend and we went to a dating seminar. Sitting behind me was my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me over a year ago. He pretended he didn’t see me, and didn’t make eye contact. The seminar instructor was asking everyone about their last relationship and why they broke up, and my ex said that he broke up with me because I was too much of a tomboy. I got very upset with this, but apparently no one else in the class heard him speak and everyone ignored me when I protested.

Lauri: Our dreams can be so helpful to our relationships…or lack thereof. I believe your dreams are helping you to understand why these two relationships ended. Being armed with that knowledge is sure to help you with any future relationships.

In your first dream, the guy who decided to keep you in the friend zone is in a rowing competition. In my research, I’ve found that any form of boat in a dream can often be connected to a romantic relationship. He’s on the other side of the bay, so that is reflective of the fact that he distanced himself from you in real life and that ship has sailed, so to speak. That is why you then discover a gash on your chest. Your chest is where the heart is and therefore represents where you hold your feelings. When he put you in the friend zone, he metaphorically tore at your heart. The fact you were getting stitched up is a good sign that you are getting over it just fine. The pirate invasion is your inner realization that, you were just a “booty” call after all, so you shouldn’t be too torn up about it. The message of this first dream should be read in the voice of dear ol’ Mom: Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?

In your second dream you are at a dating seminar with your ex-boyfriend sitting behind you. The fact that he is behind you in the dream means he is in your past, that which needs to be put “behind” you. Since he’s right behind you in the dream, he may not be far enough behind you in the past just yet, and therefore he still is in your thoughts somewhat.

His pretending that he doesn’t see you may be connected to YOUR pretending the breakup still doesn’t bother you. Be honest and ask yourself if that is the case. The question the instructor asks everyone in the dream is really a question you are asking yourself in this dream — dreams are a conversation with the self, after all. Why did your last relationship break up? That is a very healthy and introspective question to ask yourself! The answer you get, even though you protested it, is something you need to ponder. “You are too much of a tomboy.” Are you? If not, then ask yourself if you were too dominant or assertive in that relationship. Even if you wear skirts and pink, fluffy sweaters, did you play the male role? The message of this second dream is: If being in charge is your M.O., then you need yourself a man who’s happy in the passenger seat.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site.

photo via WannaSunggle.com

And you thought President’s Day was exciting! Lady Porn Day is the invention of sex blogger Rachel Rabbit White, who tells us, “It’s tough trying to explore porn as a girl. There just isn’t much lady-friendly stag. And, girls aren’t encouraged to talk to each other about porn, the same way we aren’t encouraged to talk to each other about masturbation. In girl-world, too often we expect our first orgasm to come from a partner. Then we expect our Sex-and-the-City-approved Hitachi-orgasms to come from our closed eyes. But porn is just another tool for your sexual growth.”

Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way. Porn can also be a relationship deal-breaker, even a marriage wrecker. And even for women who are open to porn, it’s not always easy to find something decent to watch — you know, something that’s not ruined by cheesy dialogue, even cheesier styling, and fake boobs and/or orgasms. Which means that pretty much everyone has something to say about lady porn. In fact, it’s one of the most popular discussion topics amongst our readers, right up there with strap-ons and penis size. So, in honor of Lady Porn Day, we present to you some of our favorite past posts on porn — the good, the bad, and the downright ugly:

• Ladies-Only Poll: How Much Porn Do You Watch?
• Gents-Only Poll: How Much Porn Do You Watch?
• How to Find Good Lady Porn
• 8 Suggestions for Making Your Own Sex Tape
• Top 10 Tips for Taking Your Own Naughty Pics
• Off the Set: Photos of Porn Stars and Their Real-Life Partners
• Finding a Silver Lining in the Porn Addiction Headlines
• When You and Your Partner Just Can’t Compromise on Porn
• How One Real-Life Couple Compromised on Porn
• Porn: Harmless Fun or Negative Culture-Shaper?
• Dear Em & Lo: I’m Put Out About His Porn

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

photo by greenchartreuse

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,”What’s the general male consensus on period sex?“

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Period sex, like most forms of sex, falls into the category of sure, why not. The truth is we are generally happy to be having sex, even if it’s a bit messy at times. It also comes down to a level of comfort. Often when you are comfortable in a relationship, this is something that is not a huge deal. On the flip side, if it’s the first time, it might be better to wait a bit before leaving a permanent mark on the boudoir. At the end of the day, sex is sex is sex and it’s all good. Period.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): Limits the menu somewhat and helps to have a dark towel handy, but that said I’m fine with it. Period. I know some women I’ve been with I’ve been with seemed a little skeeved by it, but I always suspected there was really something else going on. After all, sex is supposed to be messy, right? But menstrual blood is a pretty primal reminder of the whole cycle, and of the possibility of impregnation, which (alas) probably weighs a bit heavier in most women’s minds. That said, I doubt most guys feel strongly about it. Bad metaphor, but why look a gift horse in the mouth? We’re usually just thankful to be getting some.

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): What is period sex?  Is that like when you tell someone “You and I are having sex.  Period.”?  If so, I am all for that.  If it has to do with a certain monthly ritual, uh, not so much.  I guess it depends on how nice your sheets are. I like “True Blood” and all too but let’s not go crazy.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo by Simply Schmoopie

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Nervousness is likely to work against you when it comes to getting together with someone you admire. Sweating profusely, biting your nails, telling really bad jokes — all unsexy. In other breaking news, the sun is the center of our universe, we need air and food to survive, and Obama can’t actually walk on water… Seriously, don’t put too much pressure on yourself, just be who you are, and remember to take your anti-anxiety meds.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Go ahead, dip that nib in the company inkwell. For once, multi-tasking is all good (unless the person is an Aquarius). Act on it quick before we tell you for the thirtieth time not to mix business with pleasure in a couple of weeks.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
So, you want to be in a relationship? Well, that’s all well and good, so long as you’re in it for the right reasons. Defenses like “They’ve got a washing machine,” “They give great head,” “They don’t totally annoy me,” and “They’re not very smart, so it’s easy to deceive them” ain’t gonna fly in the court of commitment — Judge Judy would have your ass for breakfast.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You’ve got a horoscope right out of Agatha Christie’s imagination this week: Someone around you is not who he or she has been leading you to believe. Ooooh, so mysterious. We’re suckers for those whodunnits with the wide brimmed hats and the sexy British accents. Just don’t be a sucker yourself, or you’ll end up with a knife in your back.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Apparently you’ll be romantically challenged this week. Jeez, when did they get so politically correct? What they mean to say is that you’ll be a dating dumbass all week, so just hang with your good buddies, drink like a fish and avoid any and all romantic encounters for at least seven days. And that’s an order from the love doctors.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Someone might be trying to gently steer you towards commitment. If this change in direction causes you to feel short of breath and claustrophobic, and/or brings on panic attacks, then we suggest you back away slowly. If that doesn’t help, then see a doctor — it’s probably just asthma.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
This week, you may be asked to get off the fence regarding your plans for the future. If you can’t oblige this request, at least give an honest and kind explanation as to why (fear of commitment, fear of cohabitation, fear of heights). If you’re a good egg about it, you may get to straddle that fence for a few more weeks.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
The stars say you will have no trouble getting what you want this week, but we think that’s a little over-confident. How about this: If you make your move with confidence and grace, then the chances that the object of your affection will find you utterly irresistible are greater than that of you getting hit by lightning while indoors.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Choose low-commitment group activities this week, like bowling or orgies. Take your time before getting involved with someone. Especially if you met them while bowling.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
You’re a spaz, but on you, it works. And it will definitely attract some “interesting” potential partners. But just ’cause we call you “spaz” and use quotes around “interesting” to suggest that all your suitors will be ex-convicts, loud talkers, or Amway salespeople, don’t lose hope. You can have whichever ex-convict, loud talker, or Amway rep you want, lucky duck. Choose wisely.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Don’t mix business with pleasure. Do you hear us? Don’t shit where you eat! (Even if you work with a Taurus.) It won’t work out for you and you’ll just end up in an awkward position. Instead, attend a financial seminar and you will stand a better chance at finding love.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Woah, easy there tiger. We’ve barely even got started with 2011 and here you are trying to cram a whole year’s worth of bun-lovin’ into one week. Think of the big picture: If you pig out now you’ll ruin your appetite and — damn, we lost track of our metaphor in there somewhere, but the gist of it is this: Take it easy, bud. Smoke a fatty, smell the roses, obey the speed limit, etc. Oh yeah, and here’s a tip we heard from a little bird: That hottie you’re so enamored with? Turns out they don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, if you know what we’re saying. And we always mean what we say.

We’re still believers. And we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

photo by demi-brooke

• CollegeCandy: The most frequently committed bedroom faux-pas.
• YourTango: 50 best marriage tips ever, in honor of National Marriage Week.
• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: Honestly communicating about sex with your partner.
• TresSugar: The do’s and don’ts of flirtexting.
• TheFrisky: 7 terrible breakups I’m thankful for.
• MyDaily: A tale of first true love gone wrong.
• TomFoolery: Is porn to blame for lackluster sex?

image via John Haynes Photography

Bumper stick rage can seriously ruin a sex writer’s day — like yesterday, when Em was stuck at a traffic light behind a pick-up truck boasting a Confederate flag and the bumper sticker “Licensed Illegal Immigrant Hunter” (amongst about 15 other bumper stickers, none of which, it goes without saying, asked her to “Give Peas a Chance”). But then up pops our favorite Alabama sex toy retailer to totally make our day again. Remember Sherri Williams? She fought her state’s ban on sex toys for eleven years, before her battle hit a dead-end in the state’s Supreme Court, when they voted 7-2 to reject a challenge to the state law that bans the sale of sex toys except for limited purposes. But Williams didn’t exactly roll over and play nice, bless her. This year, she offered a Valentine’s special at her store: trade in your guns for sex toys! “You never know” says Williams, “Maybe there will be someone who says, ‘I’ve got this gun that I could go rob a liquor store with, or maybe I can get me a blowup doll for Valentine’s Day, instead.’”

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him more then anything, we really connect. We have had a lot of sex, but I have a confession: I’ve never hit the high note. I fibbed telling him I did and now it;s gone on way too long to spill that I have never gotten off. I have tried all sorts of tricks that I have read in Cosmo but nothing works. I have come close but then it always goes away.

Don’t get me wrong, it does feel good, but he’s the only guy I have ever been with, so I have nothing to compare it to. I get him to do the things I like, and still no orgasm. Even when I do it myself, I don’t get off. I’ve never had a orgasm in my life. I want to try a vibrator, because I think that might do the trick.

– Pants on Fire in All the Wrong Ways

What should Pants do?

photo by peasap

We recently heard an interview on NPR with Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of the new book “The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us” (timed perfectly to come out about a month before this recent Valentine’s Day). The question came up: Are we the only species that kisses? To which Kirshenbaum answered:

…Well, scientists have to be very careful when we want to talk about the emotions and the motivations of other species, because we can’t pretend to know what drives them. So instead of words like love, we’ll say things like mate selection or selective perceptivity. But then when you look around the animal kingdom, that said, we see a lot of behaviors that look a lot like kissing. As mentioned before, bonobos have been spotted to suck on each other’s tongues for about 12 minutes straight. We see turtles tapping heads, giraffes entwining their necks. I have a dog. Dogs will lick any noun – you know, person, place or thing. So we see a lot of similar-looking behaviors, and if we’re willing to broaden the definition of kissing to this kissing-like behavior, which is actually what Charles Darwin did, then I think that we can say that we do see similar behaviors in other species for reasons from affection to grooming to social hierarchy to conflict.

Which reminded us of this old (1990) book of photographs called “A Kiss Is Just a Kiss” that had a fun, little intro by the great Tom Robbins:

Kissing is the glory of the human species. All animals copulate, but only humans kiss. Parakeets rub beaks? Sure they do, but only those little old ladies who murder schoolchildren with knitting needles to steal their lunch money so they can buy fresh kidneys for kittycats could place bird-billing in the realm of the true kiss. There are primatologists who claim that apes exchange oral affection, but from here the sloppy smacks of chims look pretty rudimentary…No, random beast-to-beast snout friction may give narrators of wildlife films an opportunity to plumb new depths of anthropomorphic cuteness, but it doesn’t cut the cherub-flavored mustard in the osculation department.

There wasn’t a lick (no pun intended) of science in that intro. And while there’s a ton of science in Kirshenbaum’s book, we get the impression (from interviews and reviews — admittedly, we haven’t read it) that there aren’t a lot of hard and fast conclusions. Just best guesses. Which is just as well, because it’s nice to leave a few things to the imagination, to the realm of poetry and wonder when it comes to love and romance. Robbins concludes:

No other flesh like lip flesh! No meat like mouth meat! The musical clink of tooth against tooth! The wonderful curiosity of tongues!

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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photo by jenny downing

A college-student contributor friend of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

Early into the sexual getting-to-know-you phase of my most recent relationship, my then-new beau surfaced for air mid-tumble long enough to exclaim, confused and generally pleased, “Dude, you wear some scandalous underwear!” And, you know what? I do.

My laundry basket often ends up looking like the bargain bin at the Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale. Hook and eye merry widow with grosgrain garter? Been there. Lace-cupped bra with matching sheer thong? Done that. I own exactly four pairs of cotton briefs that surface on sick days, when I go running, and when I need to wear a pad. I am an unapologetic and long-time lingerie fanatic.

I think my unfortunately pricey habit originated with a trip to Old Navy my sophomore year of high school. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was jeans shopping at the mall, like any other weekend. At the time, I was a bit of an uber nerd and was constantly and palpably aware of boys’ infuriating disinterest in me. But there, among the graphic tees advertising ironic vaction spots and $2 rubber flip-flops, was protest incarnate in a teeny creamsicle-orange thong. Cue the halo of light and angelic chorus.

Somehow, latent in those three strips of elasticised lace, I saw a declaration: “Yeah, I’m an uber-nerd. But I also know I’m sexy. Screw you, under-appreciative pubescent classmates.” I quickly and covertly bought the thong with some babysitting money and smuggled it home in my purse. The next Monday, I sported my new, um, declaration under my camo cargos and Garden State t-shirt and walked with a new spring in my step. Since then, I’ve been hooked.

Why is this thing that is so rarely seen and meant to come off shortly after its audience debut something that I’m willing to shell out for? Wearing something sexy under my duds is a daily reminder of feeling sensual and alive in my own skin, or, on the days that I don’t, faking it ’til I make it. The moment of mindfulness when I put them on — or take them off — serves as an affirmation: I believe I am sexy in my own skin and in my own skivvies.

It’s never been about the guy I was with or hoping to be with, exactly. In fact, all of my long-term partners have been passively appreciative of but generally unphased by all the lace, lace-ups, mesh, and vinyl I’ve thrown at them. Putting on my silly skivvies is a reminder to myself that I believe that I’m as sexy as my underthings, and that translates into a more body-conscious way of thinking and moving. I truly believe that I walk a little taller when I’m wearing a perfectly constructed balconnet or a particularly “scandalous” g-string. And I think that translates to a boost in both decollete and self-esteem, both of which, I hear, are pretty great for sex appeal — a decidedly positive secondary effect of strapping myself into some serious lingerie.

More than that, It’s kind of incredible to get to be whomever I want to under my clothes. I may look like a sloppy college kid in jeans and an oversized sweater, but I know that underneath I am a locked and loaded sex kitten ready for the prowl. Buttoned-down intern by day, nympho nurse by night. It has the faint air of espionage. That duality is kind of thrilling: uber nerdy and uber, well, scandalous at the same time.