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Archive | February, 2011

Happy Lady Porn Day!

February 22, 2011


photo via WannaSunggle.com

And you thought President’s Day was exciting! Lady Porn Day is the invention of sex blogger Rachel Rabbit White, who tells us, “It’s tough trying to explore porn as a girl. There just isn’t much lady-friendly stag. And, girls aren’t encouraged to talk to each other about porn, the same way we aren’t encouraged to talk to each other about masturbation. In girl-world, too often we expect our first orgasm to come from a partner. Then we expect our Sex-and-the-City-approved Hitachi-orgasms to come from our closed eyes. But porn is just another tool for your sexual growth.”

Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way. Porn can also be a relationship deal-breaker, even a marriage wrecker. And even for women who are open to porn, it’s not always easy to find something decent to watch — you know, something that’s not ruined by cheesy dialogue, even cheesier styling, and fake boobs and/or orgasms. Which means that pretty much everyone has something to say about lady porn. In fact, it’s one of the most popular discussion topics amongst our readers, right up there with strap-ons and penis size. So, in honor of Lady Porn Day, we present to you some of our favorite past posts on porn — the good, the bad, and the downright ugly:

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Wise Guys – What’s the Male Consensus on Period Sex?

February 22, 2011


photo by greenchartreuse

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,”What’s the general male consensus on period sex?

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Period sex, like most forms of sex, falls into the category of sure, why not. The truth is we are generally happy to be having sex, even if it’s a bit messy at times. It also comes down to a level of comfort. Often when you are comfortable in a relationship, this is something that is not a huge deal. On the flip side, if it’s the first time, it might be better to wait a bit before leaving a permanent mark on the boudoir. At the end of the day, sex is sex is sex and it’s all good. Period.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): Limits the menu somewhat and helps to have a dark towel handy, but that said I’m fine with it. Period. I know some women I’ve been with I’ve been with seemed a little skeeved by it, but I always suspected there was really something else going on. After all, sex is supposed to be messy, right? But menstrual blood is a pretty primal reminder of the whole cycle, and of the possibility of impregnation, which (alas) probably weighs a bit heavier in most women’s minds. That said, I doubt most guys feel strongly about it. Bad metaphor, but why look a gift horse in the mouth? We’re usually just thankful to be getting some.

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): What is period sex?  Is that like when you tell someone “You and I are having sex.  Period.”?  If so, I am all for that.  If it has to do with a certain monthly ritual, uh, not so much.  I guess it depends on how nice your sheets are. I like “True Blood” and all too but let’s not go crazy.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Happy Presidents’ Day!

February 21, 2011


We’re still believers. And we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

Blog Snog: The Most Common Bedroom Faux-Pas

February 18, 2011


photo by demi-brooke


Guns for Dildos in an Alabama Sex Toy Shop

February 18, 2011


image via John Haynes Photography

Bumper stick rage can seriously ruin a sex writer’s day — like yesterday, when Em was stuck at a traffic light behind a pick-up truck boasting a Confederate flag and the bumper sticker “Licensed Illegal Immigrant Hunter” (amongst about 15 other bumper stickers, none of which, it goes without saying, asked her to “Give Peas a Chance”). But then up pops our favorite Alabama sex toy retailer to totally make our day again. Remember Sherri Williams? She fought her state’s ban on sex toys for eleven years, before her battle hit a dead-end in the state’s Supreme Court, when they voted 7-2 to reject a challenge to the state law that bans the sale of sex toys except for limited purposes. But Williams didn’t exactly roll over and play nice, bless her. This year, she offered a Valentine’s special at her store: trade in your guns for sex toys! “You never know” says Williams, “Maybe there will be someone who says, ‘I’ve got this gun that I could go rob a liquor store with, or maybe I can get me a blowup doll for Valentine’s Day, instead.’”

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Your Call: I’ve Been Faking Orgasms with BF for Years

February 18, 2011


We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him more then anything, we really connect. We have had a lot of sex, but I have a confession: I’ve never hit the high note. I fibbed telling him I did and now it;s gone on way too long to spill that I have never gotten off. I have tried all sorts of tricks that I have read in Cosmo but nothing works. I have come close but then it always goes away.

Don’t get me wrong, it does feel good, but he’s the only guy I have ever been with, so I have nothing to compare it to. I get him to do the things I like, and still no orgasm. Even when I do it myself, I don’t get off. I’ve never had a orgasm in my life. I want to try a vibrator, because I think that might do the trick.

– Pants on Fire in All the Wrong Ways

What should Pants do?

The science/poetry of kissing

February 17, 2011


photo by peasap

We recently heard an interview on NPR with Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of the new book “The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us” (timed perfectly to come out about a month before this recent Valentine’s Day). The question came up: Are we the only species that kisses? To which Kirshenbaum answered:

…Well, scientists have to be very careful when we want to talk about the emotions and the motivations of other species, because we can’t pretend to know what drives them. So instead of words like love, we’ll say things like mate selection or selective perceptivity. But then when you look around the animal kingdom, that said, we see a lot of behaviors that look a lot like kissing. As mentioned before, bonobos have been spotted to suck on each other’s tongues for about 12 minutes straight. We see turtles tapping heads, giraffes entwining their necks. I have a dog. Dogs will lick any noun – you know, person, place or thing. So we see a lot of similar-looking behaviors, and if we’re willing to broaden the definition of kissing to this kissing-like behavior, which is actually what Charles Darwin did, then I think that we can say that we do see similar behaviors in other species for reasons from affection to grooming to social hierarchy to conflict.

Which reminded us of this old (1990) book of photographs called “A Kiss Is Just a Kiss” that had a fun, little intro by the great Tom Robbins:

Kissing is the glory of the human species. All animals copulate, but only humans kiss. Parakeets rub beaks? Sure they do, but only those little old ladies who murder schoolchildren with knitting needles to steal their lunch money so they can buy fresh kidneys for kittycats could place bird-billing in the realm of the true kiss. There are primatologists who claim that apes exchange oral affection, but from here the sloppy smacks of chims look pretty rudimentary…No, random beast-to-beast snout friction may give narrators of wildlife films an opportunity to plumb new depths of anthropomorphic cuteness, but it doesn’t cut the cherub-flavored mustard in the osculation department.

There wasn’t a lick (no pun intended) of science in that intro. And while there’s a ton of science in Kirshenbaum’s book, we get the impression (from interviews and reviews — admittedly, we haven’t read it) that there aren’t a lot of hard and fast conclusions. Just best guesses. Which is just as well, because it’s nice to leave a few things to the imagination, to the realm of poetry and wonder when it comes to love and romance. Robbins concludes:

No other flesh like lip flesh! No meat like mouth meat! The musical clink of tooth against tooth! The wonderful curiosity of tongues!

This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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Confession: I’m a Sloppy College Kid with a Secret Lingerie Obsession

February 17, 2011


photo by jenny downing

A college-student contributor friend of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

Early into the sexual getting-to-know-you phase of my most recent relationship, my then-new beau surfaced for air mid-tumble long enough to exclaim, confused and generally pleased, “Dude, you wear some scandalous underwear!” And, you know what? I do.

My laundry basket often ends up looking like the bargain bin at the Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale. Hook and eye merry widow with grosgrain garter? Been there. Lace-cupped bra with matching sheer thong? Done that. I own exactly four pairs of cotton briefs that surface on sick days, when I go running, and when I need to wear a pad. I am an unapologetic and long-time lingerie fanatic.

I think my unfortunately pricey habit originated with a trip to Old Navy my sophomore year of high school. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was jeans shopping at the mall, like any other weekend. At the time, I was a bit of an uber nerd and was constantly and palpably aware of boys’ infuriating disinterest in me. But there, among the graphic tees advertising ironic vaction spots and $2 rubber flip-flops, was protest incarnate in a teeny creamsicle-orange thong. Cue the halo of light and angelic chorus.

Somehow, latent in those three strips of elasticised lace, I saw a declaration: “Yeah, I’m an uber-nerd. But I also know I’m sexy. Screw you, under-appreciative pubescent classmates.” I quickly and covertly bought the thong with some babysitting money and smuggled it home in my purse. The next Monday, I sported my new, um, declaration under my camo cargos and Garden State t-shirt and walked with a new spring in my step. Since then, I’ve been hooked.

Why is this thing that is so rarely seen and meant to come off shortly after its audience debut something that I’m willing to shell out for? Wearing something sexy under my duds is a daily reminder of feeling sensual and alive in my own skin, or, on the days that I don’t, faking it ’til I make it. The moment of mindfulness when I put them on — or take them off — serves as an affirmation: I believe I am sexy in my own skin and in my own skivvies.

It’s never been about the guy I was with or hoping to be with, exactly. In fact, all of my long-term partners have been passively appreciative of but generally unphased by all the lace, lace-ups, mesh, and vinyl I’ve thrown at them. Putting on my silly skivvies is a reminder to myself that I believe that I’m as sexy as my underthings, and that translates into a more body-conscious way of thinking and moving. I truly believe that I walk a little taller when I’m wearing a perfectly constructed balconnet or a particularly “scandalous” g-string. And I think that translates to a boost in both decollete and self-esteem, both of which, I hear, are pretty great for sex appeal — a decidedly positive secondary effect of strapping myself into some serious lingerie.

More than that, It’s kind of incredible to get to be whomever I want to under my clothes. I may look like a sloppy college kid in jeans and an oversized sweater, but I know that underneath I am a locked and loaded sex kitten ready for the prowl. Buttoned-down intern by day, nympho nurse by night. It has the faint air of espionage. That duality is kind of thrilling: uber nerdy and uber, well, scandalous at the same time.

Dear Dr. Joe: Premature Ejaculation Is Ruining My Relationship

February 16, 2011

1 Comment

photo by rightee

Once a month, Dr. Joe DeOrio, a urologist in Chicago, answers your questions on male sexual health. To ask him your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Joe,

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and have been having sex for nearly a year and a half of that. When we do foreplay, I’m fine and enjoy it. However, as soon as I enter her, I ejaculate really quickly, like after 5-10 seconds. We have tried different positions and used performance condoms, but these made no difference. It is starting to ruin our relationship, and we both get down after trying to do it.

– Early Bird

Dear E. B.,

First off, let me say that I am sorry that you are suffering from this condition. Ejaculating before you want to can cause distress, dissatisfaction, and a strained relationship. But don’t feel alone. Premature ejaculation, as this condition is commonly called in the medical community, is very common. In fact, between 25-40% of men will experience it at some point in their lives. It’s also treatable, so don’t fret that you will have to live with it forever.

The American Urological Association defines premature ejaculation as such: ejaculation that occurs sooner than desired, either before or shortly after penetration, causing distress, and occurring in greater than 50% of sexual encounters. Causes for early ejaculation are varied.

For one, there are biological causes, such as abnormal hormone levels, dysfunctional reflex activity of the ejaculatory system, hypersensitivity of the pelvic floor musculature and erectile dysfunction. Many individuals with biological causes, however, suffer lifelong premature ejaculation. On the contrary, your symptoms seem consistent with acquired premature ejaculation, characterized by development of symptoms after a period of normal, satisfying sexual activity.

Acquired premature ejaculation is often indicative of psychological causes. Job stress, personal stress, anxiety about sexual performance, depression, mistrust of your sexual partner, and poor communication within your relationship are just a few of the possible causes of premature ejaculation. To make matters worse, even in the context of a healthy relationship, premature ejaculation in itself can cause feelings of dissatisfaction and emotional distress, which can then exacerbate the problem. In truth, the potential causes are numerous, so the best treatment is a proper evaluation by a doctor and possibly a counselor, with the goal of treating the underlying cause(s). Read the rest of this entry »

Comment of the Week: You Can Leave Your Socks On

February 16, 2011


photo by David_and_Katarina

Re: Your advice to remove your socks before sex: Not if you’re doing me! I looove it when he leaves his socks on: It’s intimate, sweet cute and kinda says: “I want you so bad I can’t really care about my stupid socks!” Yeah, definitely keep your socks on.

matbo, responding to the post “15 Do’s & Don’ts of Really Good Sex”