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Archive | February, 2011

Dear Em & Lo: Why Do Guy Friends Keep Falling for Me?

February 16, 2011


Dear Em & Lo,

How does one gracefully say “Thanks, but no thanks”? It seems to happen a lot to me: I treat the guy like a friend — meaning I don’t make innuendo (no puns please!) nor banter, etc., I just converse fercrissake! — and a few weeks (or months, or hours) later he’s dropping heavy hints and gazing at me with That Look. I then try to avoid any situations that may lead him on; i.e. refusing a drink together, though I wouldn’t mind having a friendly one. Also, I don’t want to lose friends who suddenly want to move it a notch further than I really want. Any ways to let them down gently?

– Unwilling Goddess

Dear U.G.,

This could be happening through no fault of your own — perhaps you’re simply too gorgeous for guys to take you seriously as a drinking buddy. Then again, perhaps you just don’t realize that you’re flirting (or don’t want to admit it to yourself or to us). After all, male friendship can be quite an ego boost. You get to crack him up, enjoy being his “buddy,” punch him playfully in the arm while pounding cans of Bud, feel good about yourself for being able to hang with the guys — and simultaneously know that he can’t help but notice your tight jeans.

Even if you’re not attracted to him, it’s always nice to be noticed…until it turns into That Look. Also, we have a sneaking suspicion that men are hardwired to misread, misinterpret, and overestimate women’s signals–perhaps it’s some weird evo-psych method of increasing the number of women they hit on, and thus the increasing the chances they have of mating.

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Should You Shave Your Legs?

February 15, 2011


There are idiots out there (not unlike creationists and climate change deniers) who have been sold a bill of goods and believe that the female of the species is naturally hairless, but those with their feet on the ground know that ladies can hold their own in the fur department — it’s what happens when women become sexually mature. That it became unsexy is such a bummer (and, quite frankly, a pain in the ass). Which is why this flow chart from AK Tettenborn in her weekly TwiceShy comic for Bite.ca cracked us up.  See it in full here.

Read the full post on SUNfiltered.com

Wise Guys – What’s the #1 Relationship Deal-Breaker for Men?

February 15, 2011


photo by B_Rosen

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What is the number one deal-breaker for guys in relationships?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Sexual compatibility, which could include chemistry, quantity, styles, kink-acceptance, and/or willingness to explore, monogamy versus polyamory. It isn’t the deal-breaker with all guys, but likely most guys.

james_glazebrook_100Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): There are probably as many deal-breakers for guys as there are guys. If you want to get with me you’d better not have a fondness for the color pink, hair lighter than your skin (albinos excepted), bad taste in music or — worse — no taste in music, more hang-ups than me, a cat allergy, or “spirituality”.

But the one universal that should (but doesn’t always) break deals is cheating. I know that people put all sorts of betrayals behind them, but I don’t know how they do it. I’ll never understand how they can look into the eyes of someone who loved them so little, or forgot about them so completely, even for a moment, and feel anything but resentment.

I’ve only been cheated on once — to my knowledge — and I reacted so appallingly that after the inevitable breakup she burned a bunch of my stuff. As far as I’m concerned there is no excuse. In the words of Liz Lemon, “That’s a deal-breaker, ladies!”

mark_luczak_100Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): My first decision was to rule out things that come to mind that are habitual, like smoking — they range from the annoying to the not-easily-overcome-by-any-means, but I think they’d all categorically fall short of contention for the Number One Deal-Breaker. I then dismissed all things superficial — yes, attraction, physical and otherwise, is a necessary component of a relationship, but it could be said that these things could, and even should, be overcome toward the seeking of true relationship fulfillment.

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Dream Interpretation: An Officer and a Gentlewoman

February 14, 2011


photo by maureen lunn

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

The man I have feelings for is an officer; I am enlisted in the military, so a relationship is frowned upon, to say the least. But sometimes I get the feeling that he feels the same. I recently dreamed that he and I were working on something in a room and he looked at me very lustfully, and got very close to me. Then he kissed me. It was a very vivid kiss, and even though I wanted him to kiss me I felt strongly that he should know that I wanted more than a physical relationship, but when I pushed him away to tell him just that, other people walked in and I could not tell him. I was afraid he would leave after that, but he stayed like he was waiting for me to tell him something. Then I woke up. Please help me to understand this dream! Thank you!

Lauri: First of all, thank you for your service! Secondly, I feel for you. That is a difficult situation that your heart is in. So let’s delve right into this dream: It starts out where the two of you are working on something. Well, that reflects the fact that you are personally and emotionally having to “work” on resisting the urge to throw him down and ravage him right there on the spot every time you see him!

The make-out session that ensues is not only reflective of what you probably imagine to yourself on a daily basis but is also about a conversation that you desire in waking life. In my research I have found that kissing in a dream can always be connected to intimate conversation that has recently taken place or that needs to take place because – like kissing – it takes two mouths to communicate. Obviously the intimate conversation you desire is about your feelings for each other… and that is why you do try to begin the conversation right after the kiss! The people that come in and interrupt the conversation represent the rules and the parts of you that know this cannot happen, just yet.

The point at which a dream ends is the point, the main part of the message, your dream wants to leave you with. Your dream ends with him waiting for you to tell him something. That’s a good indication that your wiser dreaming mind feels it is best to wait for when the rules of the military are not going to be in your way… in the meantime, you can always live out a hot, sweaty romance in your dreams!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site.

Scientifically Proven First-Date Questions

February 14, 2011

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image via OKTrends

Regular readers of this blog will know that we are mildly obsessed with the dating research blog OKTrends (it’s attached to the dating site OKCupid) — check out our past coverage of OKTrends on the myth of gay evangelism, the (consistent, predictable) way we lie online, misconceptions about online profile photos, and the real stuff white people like. We’re not stats geeks, but we love it when someone else geeks out to show us what we think about when we think about sex, love, and dating. The latest installment to catch our eye is a post about the best questions to ask someone on a first date. Because, admit it, what you really want to know on a first date is: Are we going to have sex tonight? Is this person liberal? How did they vote on the last election? Are we soul-mates? But it’s not necessarily considered polite to come right out and ask those questions point-blank — and even if you were brave enough to ask those questions, there’s no guarantee that (a) your date would answer honestly or (b) they actually know the answer. But the stats — the stats don’t lie!

Christian Rudder, OKTrends’ hilarious blogger, crunched a bunch of numbers and questions — in particular, the “match” questions that OKCupid’s users fill out. And because thousands of OKCupid’s members fall in love and log off and then tell OKCupid which user it was that they clicked with, Rudder was able to look at which “match” questions on a profile are most likely to predict an actual, real-world match. Drum roll please… the three questions are:

  1. Do you like horror movies?
  2. Have you ever traveled around another country alone?
  3. Wouldn’t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?

In other words, if you agree on these three topics on a first date, your chances of making it long-term sky-rocket.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Blog Snog: The 5 Commandments of Breaking Up

February 11, 2011


2nd Annual Unmarriage Until Gay Marriage Ceremony

February 11, 2011


For the second year in a row, the Reverend Billy and the Church of Life After Shopping will be celebrating this Valentine’s Day weekend with an un-marriage ceremony for straight married couples who support gay marriage at The Bethesda Fountain in NYC’s Central Park on Sunday from 1 – 2pm. The idea is “no marriage until gay marriage.” Those participating in this group “unwedding” (which will be in the style of Reverend Moon’s mass weddings) hope to send a message to New York State’s leadership about gay rights and hold Governor Cuomo to his recent campaign promise: “I want to be the governor who signs the law that makes equality a reality in the state of New York.” All are welcome; wedding attire is required.

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Your Call: How Many Times Can She Take Him Back?

February 11, 2011


photo by ken ratcliff

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve had an off-again, on-again relationship with a guy I love for a few years, but he’s just a bit immature, not ready for total commitment just yet (we’re in our late 20s). But I know we’re perfect for each other, we make a great team, and he can’t seem to stay away. (He’s never cheated on me, he just gets restless, and he either breaks up with me or becomes detached enough that I break up with him.)  I don’t want to keep going on this roller coaster ride — I’ve got some pride. But I do love him, and I know he loves me. How many times of breaking up and getting back together is too many, when I truly believe that we could eventually get married if we both just hang in there? When do I give up?

- The Cyclone

What should TC do?

Naked News: Man Boobs Are Taking Over the World

February 10, 2011

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How to Turn Your Bedroom Into a Den of Iniquity

February 10, 2011

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photo by greenfaerietree

Before a hot date, you (hopefully) shower, put on clean underwear, dress up nicely and generally get gussied up. If there’s any chance you’ll end up back at your place, then your bedroom deserves the same sort of preparation and attention. Here are ten steps to turning your bedroom into a genuine love nest.

  1. Invest in sheets with a decent thread count–there’s nothing sexy about your bare skin against the equivalent of burlap. And please wash them regularly (i.e. more than once a year).
  2. Make sure your bed gives you both proper support, because if you’ve got a bad back, you’re not going to feel much like pelvic thrusting.
  3. Get rid of the bright overheads and decorate with some soft, flattering, low lights in various corners–even better if you put them all on dimmers.
  4. Don’t put one side of your bed against a wall–that’s for kiddies and college students.
  5. You should remove any of the following: photos of family and in-laws, work-related materials, towering piles of stinky laundry, self-help books (like Straight Talk About Surgical Penis Enlargement or If Men Are Like Buses, Then How Do I Catch One?), stuffed animals.
  6. Have live plants or flowers in your room instead of fake, artificial ones, but only if you’ve got a green thumb. Having a rotting, dying plant in your love haven will defeat its purpose.
  7. Your bedside tables on both sides of the bed (for when there’s more than one of you) should definitely have drawers so you can discreetly keep lube, condoms, and sex toys within arm’s reach. Otherwise, get one of those books with a secret compartment.
  8. Put the stereo speakers on either side of the bed with the subwoofer under the bed for good surround sound when you play the soundtrack to your sex life (no Barry White, please–so overdone).
  9. Turn off your phone. Better yet, leave it outside the bedroom (at least while you’re entertaining).
  10. Get rid of the television.

This column also appeared in print in Metro