Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do guys like looking into their partner’s eyes while they’re having sex, and while they’re climaxing? Why or why not? And if a woman is with a man who never looks her in the eye during sex, what does that mean?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I don’t think it’s something guys really think about either way — I don’t think we find it that meaningful a question. I guess I tend to look my partner in the eye at least once or twice during sex, but if he didn’t look me in the eye I don’t know that I’d be that freaked out. If he’s not looking you in the eye and you want him to, say so. If, after that, he still won’t look you in the eye, then my guess — given that it’s not that big a deal — is that there’s probably something wrong with him.
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I wouldn’t automatically read too much into a man who never looks at his partner during sex. For starters a lot of people think it’s rude and/or a sign of disinterest just to kiss with your eyes open. Then there’s the business where it’s kind of hard to keep your eyes open during an orgasm anyway. And I guess for some people, men and women, the emotional intensity of eye contact during foreplay or climax might be too much to handle.
And finally, at least for men who are trying not to climax before they or their partners are ready for it, there might be a fear that eye contact could put him over the edge. Heck, like too many others, he could just be shy about letting you see his “o-face.” That said, someone who keeps their eyes closed or averted is missing a treat — sex as a shared experience is… well… sex! And eye contact is a great way to share it.
As for the last question, if a partner really never makes eye contact during sex, you might want to gently ask him or her about it. Some time when you’re not having sex, of course. Just to make sure everything’s okay.
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think some of this is personal preference, like having the lights on or off. But in general, and I’m speaking broadly here, eyes open means you’re making love with that person, and you’re engaged in the here and now. Eyes closed means you’re thinking of something (or someone) else. With eyes closed, you may be concentrating on your performance, you may be trying to last longer or come quicker, or you may be dealing with some deep issues. Or maybe you’re just lost in the moment and going off to fantasyland like a musician — they always close their eyes when doing a heartfelt solo.