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Confession: The Top 10 Sexy Things I Find Unsexy

Thu, Mar 3, 2011

Confessions, Personal Post

photo by jennzebel

Our contributor Abby Spector, who is majoring in Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, confesses which traditionally “sexy” things she finds absolutely unsexy:

  1. Passivity. Women often mistake having an opinion for being bitchy, and so opt for submissiveness. But life’s better when it’s real, so speak up and be honest. There’s nothing wrong with taking the mature role and walking away from an argument, but don’t sit there idly by if you feel strongly about something. If it’s important, be proactive.
  2. Being the other woman. I can understand the appeal: it’s taboo, it’s secret, it’s dangerous. However, in the long run, adultery causes more harm then good. Put things out on the table—be honest with yourself and others.
  3. Thongs. The idea of a piece of string sitting in my ass crack for 24 hours makes no sense. Unless you fart air freshener and poop diamonds, the string is inevitably gonna get gross.
  4. Boob jobs. If you want to play with rubber, go to the tire shop.
  5. Older men. I’ve never understood why Grandpa Zeus was able to bone so many nymphs? Not only do I find them unattractive in comparison to their younger, more physically fit counterparts, but the fact that they are able to stoop to SUCH a young age says something about their persona (aka—a fifty year age difference is creepy).
  6. High heels. It’s true—long legs are appealing. Blisters and broken ankles are not. If you can walk in high hells props to you. I for one cannot. And, to be honest, I think many women lie about their comfort level in this satanic footwear.
  7. Talking like a baby. Why do some women insist on purposely raising the pitch of their voice and talking like they just got a Barbie Dream House? It doesn’t make them sound sexy, just stupid. And those high-pitched giggles? They hurt people’s ears. So do yapping pint-sized dogs named Princess. So stop imitating Paris Hilton!
  8. Bleached assholes. That just sounds painful.
  9. Whipped cream. A minute of foam will turn into an hour of mess. Does that seem worth it?
  10. Losing your virginity. The reality can never live up to the  picture-perfect fantasy.   The idea of “the first time” is built up as a beautiful, romantic, sexy thing when, in reality, it’s usually none of these. Who actually orgasms the first time? Who leaves thinking “Wow, that was just like the steamy car scene in Titanic?” If your first bone-sesh was with the love of your life on a bed sprinkled in rose petals, awesome for you. But you are in the minority

Abby Spector

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19 Responses to “Confession: The Top 10 Sexy Things I Find Unsexy”

  1. Dannie Says:

    I just want to say, as far as thongs, if the string actually goes into the crack, you’re wearing it wrong. They’re more comfortable, to me, than other underwear because there’s just less of them to get in the way. I completely agree with everything else, though. Utterly so.

  2. Johnny Says:

    I am also not crazy about thongs. Very skimpy panties yes, but thongs are… I don’t know… they lack mystery.

    I don’t like boob jobs either. All-natural organic, please.

    Or women who talk (or behave) like babies.

    Good list.

  3. frannie Says:

    while i do agree with this list, i have to say.. anger towards most of these things is not sexy either. my philosophy is to be who you are, but don’t denounce others for wanting to wear a thong or get a boob job. i love getting dressed up, wearing make up, doing my hair, etc., but i’m probably many peoples’ definition of a feminist: rarely shave my pits, drink beer, spew crass jokes, too into my xbox.. you get the idea. i am who i am. and i recently moved from a VERY liberal city to a tiny middle-america (and often small-minded) community where thongs, heels, and breast augmentations are the norm. but when it comes right down to it, there are types of guys who find this sexy, and there are types of guys who find ME sexy, and i’m not really attracted to the guys who like the former, and a friendly, respectful (and even rewarding) coexistence is possible between people who don’t all converge on what is attractive. and as for the high-voiced stuff? talk about us weekly in a baby voice, and i’ll glaze over. talk about a bad-ass band or the latest cohen brothers movie in a high-pitched voice, and hey, let’s be pals.
    i guess what i’m trying to say is: the only path to true social gratification is to abide by the old adage ‘it’s what is on the inside that counts.’ and in this case, that includes reverse-discrimination.
    last week, a woman i work with was discussing dostoevsky with an endearing fervor. she also has huge fake breasts. i consider her sexy.

  4. frannie Says:

    ps, passivity or being the other woman: unacceptable. always.

  5. Meredith Says:

    I think it’s fine to wear either but I love thongs. If you’re wearing the right size thong and the right shape for your body they will sit comfortably against your body without cutting into it. I think thongs, panties, and commando can be sexy. All the anger in your article is for sure not sexy.

  6. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I agree with all of these but one of these. (with no anger intended, I didn’t get ANY anger from the article, just the author’s opinion) The exception is the author thinking “Passivity” and “Submissiveness” are the same things.

    Many people engage in a Dom/Sub lifestyle, either only in the bedroom/dungeon or during sex or 24/7.

    It takes a strong woman to be a sexual submissive and it has nothing to do with being passive.

    All of the others on the list are right up there with things I don’t like and won’t participate or wear either. High heels are worn occasionally, but if they hurt or I can’t walk, I see no reason to waste money on them.

    BTW, HOW can someone wear a thong without the string going into the crack of the butt? Put it off to the side? I can’t see how it would be possible.

  7. Dannie Says:

    If the thong is the right size, as mentioned earlier, it will just lay against your body. I mean,it’ll go up there if you -pull- it up there, but so will regular undies. And, not all thongs are g-strings (though even those, in the right size, do not cut in). I always thought thongs were ridiculous and would be awful and uncomfortable, but then I tried one, and I was hooked. I’m not weighing in on the sexiness; I don’t honestly care, and everyone has their right to their opinion. But for me, it’s the most comfortable underwear: low-hassle, doesn’t get in the way, and the best thongs are the ones that make you forget you’re wearing underwear at all. If you like that feeling. ;)

  8. Mel Says:

    …… I don’t understand.

    1.) Why do the “unsexy” articles that women write always denounce heels? I ballroom dance in the things and I can run, jump, and play sports in the things. They are comfortable if you get the right pair. So don’t keep saying that women are lying when they say they are comfortable just because YOU find them uncomfortable.

    2.) Why is there an article that a woman wrote about “sexy things [that women do that are] unsexy” on this website? The whole purpose of doing all of this crap in the first place is to impress guys (eww) so why not have a GUY write this article? If it’s things guys denounce, I can see that being a valid article.

    3.) Don’t get me wrong, these are valid points. I just don’t understand the purpose of an article such as this.

  9. Chelsea B Says:

    Thank You Frannie!

  10. Dannie Says:

    Maybe women have a right to evaluate what they do and do not want to do in order to impress others. And maybe women do some of these things for themselves, not for men. And maybe some of these women are doing them for women (actually, as this article and the multiple comments seem to prove, women seem to be more invested in what other women are doing to be attractive than men actually are; we’re so busy focusing on what other women are doing, either because of competition, or criticism, or scorn, or whatever). And maybe, in order to change culture, we have to talk about it. Just maybe. I dunno.

  11. Valerie Says:

    I don’t wear underwear and most guys I encounter think it’s pretty sexy.

    As far as heels go – not the most comfortable things in the world, but I have to say I feel sexy when I wear them. I’m a shortee, so I like gaining a little height, and I’m curvy so it makes me feel thinner too.

    I like everything else you had to say though.

  12. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Dannie, hey, if thongs work for you, it’s great. :) I can’t wear them, they cut my butt, dig into my lady parts and I simply can’t wear them. I am still not sure *where* the string (or small strap of fabric) goes if it isn’t up in one’s crack, but I never gave them more than a few chances.

    IMO, butt floss if fine if the person wearing it is comfortable.

    From a man’s POV, my husband shudders when he sees them popping out from the top of an other woman’s jeans. “Doesn’t that hurt?” But, that’s only his opinion.

  13. Dannie Says:

    lol @ Madamoiselle L. I totally get that.

  14. Jay Jay Says:

    How bout the confidence to do whatever the hell you want regardless of an article? Now THAT is sexy.

  15. Taboo Ted Says:

    I most certainly orgasmed when I lost my virginity. Then again, I’m a guy.

    About age: I’m still fairly young (30s), but if I’m not happily married when I get towards my golden years, I would most certainly aim for younger companions. My sex drive hasn’t slowed down one bit and judging from some of the older guys I play cards with, they aren’t slowing down either. Damn sex hormones… a curse and a blessing. I would never fit into that nice old codger role anyways.

  16. Monica Says:

    This post is AWESOME! I can agree to more than one of the sexy things that are unsexy list. Whipped cream always sounded fun but once I incorporated ice cream and it ended up being a big sticky disaster. Yuck! @ Mel- I couldn’t be more in tune with your thoughts. I would like to see an article on this blog about whether or not men find most efforts women make to turn a guy on sexy or not.

  17. Dannie Says:

    Ted, why does still having a libido at an older age require you to seek out younger women? Women’s libidos remain pretty high in old age, too. Actually, it is more common for women to have an increase in libido as they get older (speaking of sex hormones…), so seeking out younger companions really wouldn’t necessarily have anything to do with libido, only who you’re attracted to.

  18. JenH Says:

    I agree with #2,7,8,9, and 10. But the rest I have to disagree with for myself personally. I love thongs (although I also like sexy little ruffly boy shorts too). As for boob jobs… you obviously haven’t had children yet or you would somewhat understand the want for breasts that don’t look like sagging,deflated balloons after you’re done breastfeeding. I’m not saying I want DD’s or anything (I’m already a full C/sometimes D) but it sure would be nice if the girls sat a little higher like they did when I was 16.

    Older men have their advantages. Experience, maturity, knowing the right way to treat a woman a lot of the time, and sometimes looks.

    High heels make me feel incredibly sexy. It’s not totally out of the ordinary for me to wear 4 inch heels. I have long runner’s legs and my husband LOVES it when I wear heels. My rule is that I don’t buy the shoes unless they are comfortable and don’t cause rubbing or blisters.

  19. JenH Says:

    Oh.. and I agree with 1 too. Passivity all the time is boring. Our sex life didn’t get good until I got out of my own head and let my inhibitions go.


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