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Dear Dr. Joe: My Girlfriend Wants to Do Me with a Strap-On

Wed, Apr 6, 2011

Advice, What's Up Doc?

photo by brandi666

This week, Dr. Joe DeOrio, a urologist in Chicago, tackles the male version of EMandLO.com’s most popular post to date, the anonymous confession “I Want to Do My Boyfriend with a Strap-On.” To ask Dr. Joe your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Joe,

My girlfriend is really into not just receiving, but giving anal play, if you know what I mean. I consider myself fairly open-minded, but I can’t get past the idea that that seems gay or girly. And what I am really worried about is liking it too much. Should I just give it up to her (hey, try it, I might like it!), or just accept that this is just my own sexual preference?

– Tight Ass

Dear T.A.,

Sounds like you are a little bit confused, perhaps even a bit nervous.  And from the tone of your question, it seems you aren’t particularly interested in receiving anal sex.  Want a simple answer?  Don’t do it.  Want a bit more complex answer?  Read on.

First, ask yourself a couple questions, and give some honest answers:

  1. Why does your girlfriend want to perform anal sex on you?
  2. Why are you (or why are you not) interested?

For example, if your girlfriend wants to try anal sex because she thinks it may be adventurous or sexy or make you two feel closer, then this may be healthy.  If it truly excites her, this is healthy too.  Don’t you want to make her really excited?  On the other hand, if you suspect that she wants to try anal sex in order to belittle or degrade you in a malicious manner, then this is obviously not a good idea (unless you are a BDSM slave, and that’s your thing).

In terms of how you feel about the act, try to look at it objectively.  Are you really not interested in trying anal play?  As you said, you may really enjoy it.  And if you do, what’s the downside to that?  I understand the cultural or religious taboos that anal stimulation may evoke, but do these taboos have significant meaning for you?  Or are you just worried about being embarrassed if someone discovered your new bedroom activity?

It ultimately comes down to your comfort level.  If you won’t respect yourself in the morning, best leave anal play at the front door.  But if you are a bit curious, and you have a partner you can trust to keep your sexual life private, then swing open the back door!

Does trying anal sex mean that you are gay?  Of course not.  If a man that defined himself as gay had sex with a woman in his youth, would he automatically be considered straight?  Undoubtedly, labeling sexual acts as gay, straight, kinky, boring, immoral, etc. is an inherently faulty (and silly!) endeavor.  In a loving relationship, the old adage you mention (“try it and you might like it”) is probably decent advice.  Explore your sexuality, and learn what truly brings you pleasure.

Having said that, some words of advice:

  • If you are absolutely not interested, or you are very uncomfortable, don’t do it.  Your self-respect and dignity should never be compromised.
  • If anal play doesn’t bother you from a religious or cultural standpoint, and if you won’t feel like less of a man for exploring it, then give it a shot.  If anal sex was important enough to your girlfriend to bring it up, it is important enough for you to consider it.  If you don’t like it, you can always stop.  Besides, you’ll make your girlfriend really happy for doing something for her.  How many times have you begged her to do something for you in bed?
  • Only explore sexual acts in a loving and trusting relationship.  You don’t want to find out next week that she told all your friends about it.
  • Remember that pushing a little bit outside of your comfort zone allows for new experiences and personal growth.  This is true both inside the bedroom and outside of it.

Finally, if you decide to give anal sex a try, remember the following:

  • Practice safe sex.  Always.
  • Use lots of man-made lubrication; the anus is not self-lubricating.
  • Go slowly — it’s not a race, and if you rush, it will hurt (or worse, do some damage).  This applies to both the speed and size of what you insert (be it a pinkie or a strap-on).
  • Whatever was used on you should not be used on your girlfriend without being sterilized first. Germs can cause infection.
  • Communicate with your partner.
  • Relax and enjoy yourself.

– Dr. Joe

Dr. Joe earned his undergraduate degree in Molecular Biology from Princeton University. After attending the Loyola University Stritch School of Medicine, he completed his residency training in urological surgery at the Los Angeles County Medical Center. He lives and works in Chicago, IL. Keep an eye out for his upcoming blog at docjoe.net.

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5 Responses to “Dear Dr. Joe: My Girlfriend Wants to Do Me with a Strap-On”

  1. Kaybie Says:

    Man up and take it in the ass!

  2. matbo Says:

    It seems to me that LW already thinks he might like it, but is just afraid what his friends will say. I say go for it! Try it once and don’t like it? Eh you gave it a shot and your girlfriend will love you for it, no matter the outcome.
    I can’t help feeling like dr. Joe should have emphasized that it won’t make you less of a man, cause it seemed like that’s what the LW needed to hear.

  3. Johnny Says:

    I don’t think you really wanted a medical opinion – you just wanted someone to say, “don’t worry, it’ won’t make you a homo.” So don’t worry, it won’t make you a homo.

    Buttsex in general shouldn’t be impromptu. A little private time in the shower before-hand, if you know what I mean, could allay that fear which you have left unspoken.

  4. Tj Says:

    I let my girlfriend penetrate me with a strap on, it isn’t a problem
    I am not gay, if she wants to pleasure me I am happy
    If it’s a girl penetrating you it’s not gay.

  5. Takeonefortheteam Says:

    There are actually a very large percentage of women that look at mens asses the Way men look at women’s.. Not only the thought of penetration but also looks themselves and if a mans ass looks good in a women’s mind they glimpse the thought of bending them over.. My advise.. Bend over maybe man through some of the pain too and make your women taste her victory.. Then if you enjoy it tell her.. And if you don’t again tell her.. And if she insists in the future after a no she wants to humiliate you.. She want the dick it that happens.. I bent over for my girl she wanted to try my back door curiosity happened.. She was afraid she was gonna hurt me and also not enjoy it.. The next week she got a very nice unit and we have been doing it a lot.. But it hurts over done..


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