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Dear Em & Lo, Is Every Woman Capable of Female Ejaculation?

Wed, Apr 20, 2011

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

photo of Old Faithful by Chuck Martin

Dear Em & Lo,

So last night my wife experienced one of her orgasms from G-spot stimulation and, as is usual for her, did not ejaculate. In fact, there is never really a detectable increase in her lubrication during orgasm. I was wondering if this means that she is the type of woman who is not a “squirter”? She has asked me several times why she has never “squirted.” Is my wife capable of ‘squirting’? We’ve used fingers, penis, vibe, and even drinking 2 liters of ‘Squirt’ soda to stimulate her G-spot… Any suggestions?

–Squirtless

Dear SQ,

Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of scientific research on female sexual function, especially on the G-spot and female ejaculation. But from the little research we have seen (as well as a lot of anecdotal evidence), we believe that the structure of the G-spot — the spongy, erectile tissue surrounding the urethra, also known as the female prostate — is different from woman to woman. Some female prostates are bigger, some are smaller; some contain a lot of glands that can contribute to female ejaculation, some don’t. So we believe that for some women, even those who enjoy G-spot stimulation and really would like to female ejaculate and are willing to do whatever it takes to get there (like your wife), it just ain’t gonna happen. There are sex educators out there who proselytize that every woman is capable of “squirting”, but we feel that places yet another undue burden on women to “perform” sexually — and feel like shit when they don’t. And don’t forget, a lot of women just don’t enjoy G-spot stimulation — for some it’s downright uncomfortable. Putting G-spot orgasms and their kinky cousin, female ejaculation, up on sexual pedestals doesn’t do anyone any favors, least of all women who don’t like G-spot stimulation and those who are anatomically unable to squirt. So you can certainly keep trying, as long as you both enjoy the effort no matter the outcome; but if it makes either of you feel disappointed or frustrated to never end up drenched, then it’s time to give up the gold (or give up the golden shower, if you will….although female ejaculate is not urine…but that’s a whole ‘nother article….).

Raining on the parade,
Em & Lo

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5 Responses to “Dear Em & Lo, Is Every Woman Capable of Female Ejaculation?”

  1. figleaf Says:

    Boy, the last thing on earth I’d ever want to leave someone feeling was that they were missing something just because they didn’t squirt.

    Because while I’m not the worlds greatest expert on g-spot orgasms I do know that the two partners who squirted were never as floored afterwards as some of the other partners who never did.

    Plus with the ones who didn’t squirt you don’t have to get up and change the sheets, but that’s a different matter. (If you’re prepared, or else just really casual, then wet sheets aren’t that big a deal.)

    But seriously, what if you had a partner who expected you to be able to ejaculate all over her neck, chest, belly, and toes the way some men (seem to) do in porn? You’d probably say “quantity isn’t really a very useful measure of how much I enjoy an orgasm.” Well, it’s almost certainly the same for her. (Plus, if you did come that much then, again, you’d have to get up and change the sheets for that too.)

    figleaf

  2. Dannie Says:

    I agree with Figleaf on this one. Please, please–for the quality of sex to be had–do not make this the focus of your exploits. It’s even worse, in my opinion, than pressuring a woman to even just orgasm in the first place. She’s having orgasms; that’s great! Why complicate it and add pressure with some sense of expectation? Not that there’s anything wrong with trying for new experiences int he bedroom; just don’t focus on it so much that she feels a need to perform for your satisfaction, or that she’s missing something, or that she’s doing something wrong… Also, from what I know, (which I admit may be wrong), female ejaculation is not so common that it -should- be expected. Actually, I think a lot of women don’t ejaculate, and that it’s an accomplishment enough for many women to achieve orgasm in the first place. So please. Have fun, explore, enjoy each other’s bodies, but don’t put pressure on each other to perform. Sex shouldn’t be something you accomplish; it should be something you enjoy.

  3. BCofUIMHere Says:

    I agree with the previous posters – don’t get hung up with what’s supposed to happen. Sex is supposed to be fun, relaxing and enjoyable.

    To add a new piece to the puzzle, I *am* a squirter (hate that term, reminds me too much of “the squirts” – *not* a sexy image), but G-spot stimulation is too intense and painful. How I manage one without the other is a total mystery to me, but I’m not in any hurry to find out why (although the research is fun! ;) )

  4. K Says:

    I am a “squirter” and although, I’m glad that it turns my boyfriend on, but honestly, I don’t orgasm. I know that I’m for sure squirting and not peeing (and to be safe, I always pee before and after having sex)

    For the women who want to know how to do it, let me give you some of my tips:
    1. As stated before, i pee before sex or masturbating, otherwise I’ll be too concerned that i might accidentally pee.
    2. Relax, don’t think about it. Seriously, the times when I can tell my bf’s trying to make me “squirt”, it’s too much pressure and I never can do it then.
    3. 9 times out of 10 when masturbating, I can’t do it. I think my bf can use his fingers better down there than i can when it comes to my g-spot. BUT, for those extremely rare moments, I have to orgasm 1st then continue to touch myself.

  5. Letta Says:

    I am also a squirter and quite honestly, it’s not as much as it’s hyped up to be. Squirting and orgasm for me don’t really go hand in hand as you would guess. And the whole changing the sheets is not fun, especially if there’s an impromptu going down in the car or couch.. I always have to stop and get a towel or something. It’s also pretty unpredictable. I say just enjoy sex as is. The only goal you should have in mind is to enjoy and feel great after!


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