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The 10 Types of Sex Dreams

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Freud, Schmroid. If you’re looking for a good book on the interpretation of dreams, check out the brand new one by our very own Lauri Loewenberg, dream interpreter extraordinaire! Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life (published by St. Martin’s Press) features hundreds of real dream interpretations and a comprehensive dream symbol dictionary to help you understand and make the most of your nocturnal visions, especially the sexy ones. There’s an entire chapter dedicated to sex dreams, which Lauri says are often “not about a physical union you want, but rather a psychological union you need!” There are 10 kinds of sex dreams; below are 5 of them; check out Dream On It for the other five archetypes (The Friend, The Same Gender, Oral Sex, Family Members, and Masturbation):

  1. The Mystery Lover – This is the most common of all sex dreams. Many of us wonder if this dream is actually a glimpse of our soul mate who might be out there somewhere waiting for us.  Alas, t’is not so.  But what is so is that the unknown, faceless man or woman that often appears in our dreams does indeed hold significance….Our dreams have a cool way of showing us the different parts of our personality in the form of a person so we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick. That being said, the mystery lover in your dreams is the embodiment, the personification of the qualities we tend to associate with that gender….Throughout life we struggle to incorporate the right balance of each [gender] into our personalities and behavior.  A man wants to be caring and understanding, yet he doesn’t want to be a sissy.  A woman wants to assert herself, yet she doesn’t want to be labeled the B word!  Our mystery lover dreams are guiding us towards that perfect balance of firm and gentle, bold and caring, yin and yang.
  2. Cheating — These dreams can be infuriating, worrisome and the cause of many a slap across the face first thing in the morning.  In fact, in a recent survey I conducted with over 5000 participants, the cheating dream came in as the #1 most common dream! As upsetting as these dreams can be, the good news is that they rarely indicate that your mate is getting his or her pleasures elsewhere.  They do suggest, however, that something rather than someone is taking the time and attention from your mate that you feel you deserve.
…[If] you are the one straying in your dreams you need to ask yourself what you may be doing that is taking your attention away from your mate.  The guilt you feel in the dream is a tell tale sign that, deep down, you are aware that this may not be sitting well with your significant other….Once you can pinpoint what it is your mate is “cheating on you” with, or what you may be guilty of giving too much time to, it’s time to compromise.  Offer to give up or cut back on something your mate isn’t a big fan of if he or she promises to cut back on the activity that is causing you to feel left out. If you both stick to the compromise, you’ll find that the dreams will stop.
  3. The Ex — Past lovers are very popular characters in our naughty dreams. Even though it may be light years since you were with this person, he or she STILL continues to appear in your dreams, bringing those old feelings back to the surface that leave you wondering if you still may be holding a flame.  

Most often, the ex we dream about the most is our first love.  Strangely enough, we continue to dream of our first loves, even if we’ve moved on into a happy marriage.  Don’t worry, it’s not that you want the ex back, it’s that you want what he or she represents back: excitement, bubbles, passion!  You are likely to get these dreams when you are in a dry spell or when your marriage or current relationship gets a little too routine and humdrum, as all relationships do from time to time.  Your dream is using your ex to remind you of the passion that is still alive inside of you.  These dreams are actually good for you and are alerting you to the fact that the passion department doesn’t want to become a thing of the past.
  4. The Co-Worker – This dream can make work a very uncomfortable place to be. Unless your co-worker causes your heart to skip a beat and your mind to wander into naughty, naughty land, then your sex dream(s) about him or her are nothing to cause you concern.  However, understanding the dream is well worth your while because odds are, that dream is actually trying to help you improve yourself at work.  Your dreaming mind may be telling you that you need to “come together” on some level with your co-worker, for the sake of work, that you need to have a meeting of the minds in order to make co-existing and co-working more efficient.  

But what if you don’t really have much to do with a particular co-worker during the day but you find yourself knocking boots at night?  All you need to do is ask yourself what stands out about that person.  Is he really good with computers?  Does the boss seem to favor her?   Maybe he’s easy going and doesn’t seem to have a care in the world.  There is very likely a quality he or she possesses that your dreaming mind feels you would do well to take on as your own.
  5. The Boss – Shagging your employer at night can sure make it difficult to come into work the next day.  If this is the case with you, remember, sex dreams are not necessarily about the person but rather about what he or she represents.  In the case of your boss it is most likely power, authority, management skills, decision making, et cetera that you need to merge into your own life.
 Do you need to take on the role of boss at home and better manage those unruly kids?  Are you facing a tough decision?  Do you need to fire or get rid of a certain element, person or behavior in your life?  Or perhaps you simply need to merge with your boss psychologically in order to deal with a client or project. Whatever the case may be, your boss dream is telling you that it’s time to take charge! Being decisive and authoritative would suit you well now.

For more on the 5 sex dreams above and to discover the meaning behind the other 5 most common sex dreams — The Friend, The Same Gender, Oral Sex, Family Members, and Masturbation — check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

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5 Responses to “The 10 Types of Sex Dreams”

  1. Tony Says:

    Cheating # 1 sex dream???? Wow, you could have knocked me over with an ultra thin condom (without packaging), when I read that! Seriously, I have been the ‘victim’ of a spouse having had such a dream. At the time, and I still do believe, anyone having such a dream and taking it even slightly seriously needs to get a grip on themselves! Anyway, after much prodding, I learned her surly attitude was due to a dream she had where she came home from work and ‘caught’ me on the floor with ‘some’ blonde. Turned out the blonde was someone I didn’t even know! By the way, there was no ‘other’ blonde that I was even remotely familiar and being friendly with during that time that the ‘dream’ blonde was a surrogate for. Must have been some other ‘reason’, but I never found out what. The bottom line as I see it; ‘dreamers’ shouldn’t marry or even think of having a serious relationship with anyone other than themselves!

  2. Lauri Says:

    Tony, do you think your wife may have been jealous of something else that was taking up your time or attention? Maybe she felt you were working too much? Or golfing? Can you think of anything that she considered to be “a third wheel” in the marriage… other than a hot blond of course!

  3. Tony Says:

    Hi Lauri,

    First off, thanks for asking. As for you question(s), I really don’t know. We are no longer married, and the event I mentioned was quite some time ago. If I were to try and offer any more explanation, I’m afraid I might easily wander into the territory of ‘bad mouthing’ her. As far as I’m concerned, that would accomplish nothing.

  4. Jennifer Says:

    Uhh @Tony, the ‘number one’ dream is mystery lover. Way to project though.

  5. Tony Says:

    @ Jennifer

    This is what I was referring to:
    Cheating — These dreams can be infuriating, worrisome and the cause of many a slap across the face first thing in the morning. In fact, in a recent survey I conducted with over 5000 participants, the cheating dream came in as the #1 most common dream!

    At the time of my first hand experience, I thought it was odd and uncommon for someone to react so strongly to something that was ‘only a dream’. I was surprised all these years later to discover it’s not so uncommon.


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