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Top 10 Most Overrated Sex Acts

Thu, Apr 14, 2011

Advice, How To

photo by hyku

After more than a decade in the sex writing biz, we have seen our share of sexual gimmicks come and go, many of them vastly overrated. Below are the top ten sexual acts that, while they may be more substantial than gimmicks, continue to get more accolades than they deserve. Also, check out the Top 10 Most Underrated Sexual Acts — a.k.a. under-doggie-style — that we’ll feature tomorrow.

  1. Threeways. Too many elbows, too few orgasms. Also, there’s the jealousy, the insecurity, and the awkward post-coital cuddling and/or brunch. ‘Nuff said?
  2. The 69 position. Kind of like communism: great in theory, not in practice.
  3. Simultaneous orgasms. What is that saying, the great is the enemy of the good? Sure, the simultaneous O is awesome when it happens, but individual orgasms are pretty dandy, too. And sometimes, an alternating spotlight is a good idea — especially if that thing that pushes your partner over the edge requires a certain degree of concentration and/or skill.
  4. Female ejaculation & the G-spot. Somewhere along the line, this kind of female climax became valued above all others. Sure, for some women it’s the holy grail, but for others, G-spot attention is just plain annoying, or even painful.
  5. Fast-pumping intercourse. Do we really have to explain this one?
  6. Deep-throating. Because nothing says hot like a woman person throwing up a little on your penis.
  7. Sharing ALL your sexual fantasies with your partner. Some things are best saved for your me-time seshes.
  8. Text sex. There just aren’t that many nerve-endings in our thumbs.
  9. Sending naked photos. Oh, posterity. Oh, discretion. Oh, angry ex with a trigger-happy finger on the forward button.
  10. Two tongue kissing. One at a time is underrated, that’s all we’d like to say.

Honorable mention: Using flavored lube; putting on a condom with your mouth

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19 Responses to “Top 10 Most Overrated Sex Acts”

  1. anon Says:

    totally disagree on #2 — like the best thing ever…

  2. anon Says:

    also, heterosexism alert on #6…

  3. Lindsey Says:

    Heterosexism? Seriously? Haha.. people can literally turn ANYTHING in to something ‘offensive’.

  4. also_anon Says:

    Actually, Anon’s point is valid. #6 is automatically inferring the following:
    1. It’s a sex post, so the reader has a penis/is male.
    2. Said male would be getting head from a woman; duh.
    Neither point is always true; you and I disprove the first (I’m guessing on “Lindsey”, sorry).
    Anyway–thanks, Anon.

  5. I Says:

    Threeways overrated?
    Sounds like you need a bigger bed, and/or more adventurous friends :)

  6. Mom2three Says:

    Love 69
    Love deep throating
    Who wrote this list? Seriously, what’s left: missionary once a year in front of the Christmas tree?

  7. Amy Says:

    Gosh, some cranky commenters today! Guys, Em & Lo didn’t say these were terrible sex acts that no one ever finds enjoyable – they just said they are over-rated, that’s all. Also, I am fairly certain that #6 was worded that way because it was funny, not because they were inferring anything.

    Anyway, good post (in my opinion), looking forward to tomorrow’s installment!

  8. emandlo Says:

    Thanks Amy! We usually try to make sure our writing is inclusive, so we agree: we definitely should have used the word “person” rather than “woman” in #6. That said, using “your penis” just sounds funnier to us than “a penis”, so we’re standing by that. We’re not assuming all readers are male — this post jumps around in who it applies to. Just because #4 excludes gay men, doesn’t mean many of the other items don’t or can’t apply to them. Ultimately, it’s a lighthearted post we didn’t mean to be taken so seriously, or, like Amy said, to suggest that no one should ever engage in these behaviors ever.

  9. Lindsey Says:

    It doesn’t say ‘getting head’ it says deep thrusting, and I’m not quite sure how a man can ‘deep throat’ a woman. And to writer congrats on succumbing to any person who takes offense at YOUR thoughts & changing them to make sure not to offend anyone. In Anonymous’s world no one wins a sports game, all literary text are changed to -they, them, people- to remove all gender, people become a muted tone of light brown.. All in the hopes to please all. You remove the things from a culture that created it, and in the end you have a society of people that represents nothing; is lost and aimless.

    When we change our thoughts to please ‘everyone’ we really please no one.

  10. Lindsey Says:

    Deep throating* damn you autotext.

  11. Vera Says:

    Lindsey,

    Obviously, it was changed because a man can deepthroat another man, not because a man can deepthroat a woman.

  12. emandlo Says:

    A man can deep throat another man. Even a man can deep throat a woman if she’s wearing a strap-on. We didn’t make the change because we are afraid of offending anyone (hello, we have a website that discusses anal play and gay marriage and the marvelous institution that is Planned Parenthood! we’re pretty sure we offend at least a few people daily); we made the change because we agreed with the commenter, and we always like to try to use inclusive language (we just got lazy here). And we LOVE the they/them pronoun! Most sexual moves can be enjoyed by almost anybody, whether they are gay or straight, male or female. And the best sex advice is universal. If we can avoid alienating readers who come to our site for fun, insightful and/or helpful sex and relationship info, then by God(dess) we’ll do it!

  13. PeaceLovenutrition Says:

    #3 is incredible if done with the right person!

  14. Bill Says:

    I agree with 1 & 2, and our reasoning behind #3 makes it ok. As for 4 &5, well with my wife, it is definitely NOT over-rated! ( totally agree with 6, that whole gagging sound is NOT attractive (which also goes for the whole spitting on each other in porn. You only spit on people you DON’T like. (At least that is my opinion.) 7 i can go with, but 8? The largest sex organ in ANY body is the mind and that is what this is all about. 9 is just plain risky, having been married once before i know how ugly things can get later on. On #10, I think both ways are great.

  15. Gina Says:

    Actually a threesome is really nice and my preferred way to make love. Need the guy for his equipment; but we are just softer, prettier and more sensuous to feel during love making. Also, nice to have someone to cuddle with when he starts snoring.

  16. kayla Says:

    i agree that number 3 is overrated, but it’s great when achieved every once in a while. my current partner and i have been together for a year and a half and it’s happened once. it was pretty great, but like anything else, i’m don’t think it would feel quite as special if we tried to do it all the time!
    plus, it’s no fun to be worry about the ending the whole time you’re having sex….you’ll miss all the fun!

  17. Johnny Says:

    I’m surprised buttsex didn’t make this list.

  18. Monica Says:

    This article is HILARIOUS! ALL of the list is true, and the sarcastic comments just top it off. It’s usually tool bags that find 6 or more of these things the most amazing acts in the world. I’d like to think of them as warning signs… What a great read.

  19. BCofUIMHere Says:

    Oh thank god, *someone* finally says g-spots can be painful. The fwb I had until recently would always go for my g-spot, conveniently forgetting each time that I nearly threw up the time before. Nothing like the sensation of being kicked hard in the groin to bring sex to a crashing standstill… His reasoning was women like having their g-spots touched and there was something “wrong” with me. :P


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