Your Call: Is Casual Sex Really That Great?

photo by e.esders

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I haven’t had sex in 8 months (typing it out just now is painful enough), and the reason for this is that I have never had a one night stand. The last time I had sex I was in a relationship; all the times I’ve had sex I have been in a relationship (3 relationships in total). A part of me is happy that I haven’t had a lot of sexual partners, but at the same time I almost feel like I am missing out on something. I feel like I am so strict and I hold sex in such high regard that it might be good to shake things up a little bit. I’m just torn. Are one night stands and/or fuck buddies really as great as some make it out to be?

Single Digit

What should S.D. do?


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10 Comments on "Your Call: Is Casual Sex Really That Great?"


dallas
2 years 9 months ago

I dislike casual sex. I had a one night stand last year and completely regretted it. We barely knew each other (second date) and it was just sloppy and strange. To me, its not hot to meet up with someone just for sex or go out to a bar or club and take someone home. I would rather have sex with someone and have it mean something, than “hey, I’m horny and so are you, let’s relieve each other.”

As frustrating as it may be to go months without sex, my toys help me out just fine in the meantime. Of course toys are NO comparison at all to an actual man, but I refuse to engage in meaningless, empty sex again. Not to mention the risks you run of diseases and that sort of thing because after all, if you barely know this person, how do you know if/when they’ve been tested? In my experience, the best sex has been with men who I also had an emotional connection and friendship with, or some type of relationship besides sexual.

Winky
2 years 9 months ago

It depends who you are. Some people get off on the whole “stranger” aspect while for others it’s a nightmare. Some people are more uninhibited than others, and more so with certain people than others. Don’t do it having high expectations. And if you have some doubts in the back of your mind, it’s probably best to listen to yourself rather than regretting it later. Casual sex isn’t for everyone.

Joanna
4 years 3 months ago

I think you should pick a friend of a friend of a friend. That way, you already know them so you will be more comfortable. Then hook up with him and then never call him. It’s a one-night stand and leave it at that. Fuck buddies never work out, the woman develops feelings most of the time. men are better at separating sex and love. so again, do him, and never call.

4 years 3 months ago

Personally, I find casual sex with strangers unappealing, potentially risky and unnecesary, so I would not suggest it. Rather, I’d suggest buying some good sex toys and making more efforts to meet Mr Right.

If you really would like casual sex, then I would suggest that rather than just picking some guy, having sex and then not seeing him again you take the time to find and make friends with a nice and safe man with similar sexual tastes who is in a similar situation or who perhaps has some reason not to seek a relationship. There are heaps of them on dating sites (at least where I am). With a bit of practice and chatting online you can learn to choose between the sincere, responsible and safe men and those that are sleazy and just out to exploit women. Respectful men can make better lovers than those that are sleazy, disrespectful and just talk about sex. (***Beware falling in love with men that are not available for a relationship***) One final additional safety measure in case you decide to go ahead – have a wingperson on speed dial on your phone in case you need rescue. Good luck! :-)

4 years 3 months ago

Casual sex can be really fun when you are willing to be comfortable with a new guy. Just be safe and it can be a great experience. I write about all my sexual encounters on my blog.