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Dear Em & Lo: Can I Sleep with Ex’s Roomie?

Wed, Jun 22, 2011

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

photo by balinto

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend of seven months just broke up with me. He felt (and I agree totally) that we are more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We were both sad, but it ended amicably, and we intend to stay friends. Here’s my dilemma: over the past couple of months, I’ve found myself developing feelings for his roommate, who I think has feelings for me too. I wouldn’t have acted on these feelings if my ex hadn’t broken up with me, because I didn’t want to risk never seeing either of them again. I’m moving across the country in four months for grad school, and don’t feel up for a long-distance relationship. Given my limited amount of time, how long should I wait (to spare my ex-boyfriend’s feelings) before telling the roommate how I feel? Should I even tell him how I feel at all? Is a short-but-potentially-amazing fling worth risking my friendships with both of them?

– Hot for Roomie

Dear H.F.R.,

Here’s the short answer: No.

Here’s the longer answer: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no.

Seriously, though: no, okay?! No brief fling is ever worth risking a friendship over. Are you really that short of booty call opportunities? Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned bar crawl? Or a saucy online personal ad? Or flirting with the mailman? Or rubbing one out at home?

The only time you should ever even consider messing¬†around in a situation like this is if you’re convinced that you have¬†found your one true love. Then, and only then, is it worth risking¬†hurting someone you care for. But given the questions you’ve asked us,¬†we’re wondering how much you actually care about either of¬†these guys. It sounds like you’re willing to break two hearts for the¬†sake of a temporary booty call. Because no matter how “amicably”¬†something ended, no guy ever wants to see his ex emerge from his¬†buddy’s room with bedhead and a satisfied grin, or bump into her¬†wearing his roommate’s T-shirt in the bathroom in the middle of the night, or hear his ex getting it on through the apartment’s too-thin¬†walls.

And actually, if the roomie is half the man you think he is, we¬†doubt he’d be up for it either. We think there’s probably some kind of Budweiser man rule against that.

Oh, and one more thing: NO. And that’s our final answer.

Hall monitors,

Em & Lo

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2 Responses to “Dear Em & Lo: Can I Sleep with Ex’s Roomie?”

  1. Johnny Says:

    Hhmmmmmmmmm… tough one…

    Hormones vs. basic decency has always been a serious dilemma for me, as it is for many people.

    But Em & Lo are right. Go with human decency in this case.

  2. Lily Says:

    I find that in the time of change, as in, when there is some (sub)conscious stress going on in my life (moving away to do grad school/being unemployed/getting dumped etc) I always ‘fall in love’. I have started to question my feelings since I noticed the pattern and more often than not I find that the object of my desire turns out to be a fad. I’m a pathological thrill seeker/ temporary high breather/ drama lover and I agree – don’t shit where you eat.


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