Dear Em & Lo,
My boyfriend of seven months just broke up with me. He felt (and I agree totally) that we are more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We were both sad, but it ended amicably, and we intend to stay friends. Here’s my dilemma: over the past couple of months, I’ve found myself developing feelings for his roommate, who I think has feelings for me too. I wouldn’t have acted on these feelings if my ex hadn’t broken up with me, because I didn’t want to risk never seeing either of them again. I’m moving across the country in four months for grad school, and don’t feel up for a long-distance relationship. Given my limited amount of time, how long should I wait (to spare my ex-boyfriend’s feelings) before telling the roommate how I feel? Should I even tell him how I feel at all? Is a short-but-potentially-amazing fling worth risking my friendships with both of them?
– Hot for Roomie
Here’s the short answer: No.
Here’s the longer answer: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no.
Seriously, though: no, okay?! No brief fling is ever worth risking a friendship over. Are you really that short of booty call opportunities? Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned bar crawl? Or a saucy online personal ad? Or flirting with the mailman? Or rubbing one out at home?
The only time you should ever even consider messing¬†around in a situation like this is if you’re convinced that you have¬†found your one true love. Then, and only then, is it worth risking¬†hurting someone you care for. But given the questions you’ve asked us,¬†we’re wondering how much you actually care about either of¬†these guys. It sounds like you’re willing to break two hearts for the¬†sake of a temporary booty call. Because no matter how “amicably”¬†something ended, no guy ever wants to see his ex emerge from his¬†buddy’s room with bedhead and a satisfied grin, or bump into her¬†wearing his roommate’s T-shirt in the bathroom in the middle of the night, or hear his ex getting it on through the apartment’s too-thin¬†walls.
And actually, if the roomie is half the man you think he is, we¬†doubt he’d be up for it either. We think there’s probably some kind of Budweiser man rule against that.
Oh, and one more thing: NO. And that’s our final answer.
Em & Lo