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Wise Guys: How Do Men Feel About Tan Lines?

Wed, Jun 1, 2011

Advice, Wise Guys

photo by Evil Erin

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do guys have an opinion on tan lines? Sexy? Cheesy? Unhealthy?”

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): Ha… tan lines. They remind me of VHS porn from the ’90′s — at which time I actually did find them hot. Now I just find them silly. Plus, unless you live in Brazil, your lover’s tan lines are likely to be in the shape of a somewhat modest swimsuit. Seeing a round, pale ass gleaming against a tan body, one can imagine the origins of the expression “mooning.” I don’t mean to suggest that they’re a turn-off — just a bit of a giggle.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): Speaking only for myself, I love some tan lines. Obviously super-dark tans and therefore deep pronounced tan lines are unhealthy, cheesy, and Jersey-Shore-ish, but the standard golden brown tan of someone that spends time outdoors looks healthy and sexy. The tan lines themselves are a reminder that you are seeing previously hidden areas. Depending on the size and shape of the lines, you also get a sense of the girl in her bikini, on the beach, etc. Everything works well in moderation: some sun, some revealing clothing, some tan lines, etc. Just look to the Jersey Shore to see how far is too far, Snooki. Oh yeah, and never, never, ever spray tan.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): If your beau has moral/aesthetic opinions about your tan lines, I’d be more concerned with finding him at a piano bar belting out “A Hymn to Him” than your pasty parts, darling. Unless you’re sporting some serious farmer’s tan, it’s all skin to him.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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3 Responses to “Wise Guys: How Do Men Feel About Tan Lines?”

  1. Cee Says:

    This is ridiculous. Tan lines are simply unavoidable. I’m supposed to care what guys think about something that I have no control over?

  2. Spes Says:

    Ha! I avoid tan lines by not having a tan.

  3. 2us Says:

    Or do what my wife and I do. Swim naked!

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