Your Call: Should I Lie to Virgin BF About My Body Count?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I are in college, have been dating for 8 months, but have never had any sort of talk about prior sexual experience. He was a virgin before he met me, so I figure maybe he was embarrassed to bring it up. If he does ask me, I don’t know what to say!

I know numbers are all relative, and a high number to one person is different than another, but we’re talking about a guy with zero sexual experience before me. Maybe I’m making assumptions, but as I guy I feel he would be even more insecure to know any details about my past and I don’t want it to drive a wedge between us.

No matter what feminists and the like would like to happen, my sexual history is going to be up for judgement and there’s nothing I can do about it but accept it, and I realize that. I had self-esteem issues in high school and they manifested themselves through my so-called “relationships” with guys, but I’m completely different now.

Is honesty really the best policy?

— Outnumbered

What should Outnumbered do?


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24 Comments on "Your Call: Should I Lie to Virgin BF About My Body Count?"


the_unforgiven
3 years 11 months ago

Saying that your sexual history is irrelevant is not a correct statement.

a)you tied your sexual history in with your self esteem issues in high school

b)you are shoving femissim in your relationship

c)stds

The fact that your personaly, self esteem, health, and overall potential for cheating etc is tied to that number, then yea, its pretty relevant.

“I don’t remember” or “i lost count” is probably the worse answer one could give. Not only does it show its a lot, but it shows you really didn’t care with who or what it was.

Curious. Why are you getting with a virgin? Are you trying to make yourself feel better? Do you want to emotional hurt him? Are you one of those female sexual predators? Seems like his number is more important to you than your own.

NICKM
4 years 13 days ago

I would just reply with “Did you think I was born with this talent?” I learned to do the magic I do by working with some of the best Magicians! Tell him you were a tramp, tell him how you did the football team in high school…
And tell him that it was all for him in the end, all training to make him happy…
Then turn over on your belly, raise that booty high, and let him pound that worn out @ss!
He’ll forgive you…

Johnny
4 years 29 days ago

Ophelia, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You felt shameful and humiliated because you repeated your number to a judgemental virgin. A guy like me would pop a boner and ravage you upon hearing your super-high count. I bet you wouldn’t feel so bad if it excited the hell out of your partner, rather than horrifying him.

As for “degrading” yourself, well… I don’t know what kind of sex you had. Maybe you slept with douchebags who you knew would treat you ill. If you want to file that under “degredation,” fine. But if it was just sexual release with a guy who was decent to you – even for one night – I don’t see why that’s degrading.

Also, it’s not baggage, and certainly not baggage your boyfriend needs to foist upon his own back. The only reason this is an issue is because he’s making it one.

Mac Allen
4 years 30 days ago

if you take his feelings and both your lifes into account.

remember that the train comes in a lot harder when it comes after a life with a lie.
and living with a lie absolutely leaves its marks.

If he can’t handle the truth he cant handle you the way you are.
you would have to live a lie.
that won’t make you a happy woman.

Good luck.

Robert
4 years 30 days ago

Carfax, Do you also kick the tires of your potential girlfriends?