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10 Reasons Your “Ugly Vagina” Is Normal and Gorgeous

Wed, Jul 27, 2011

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

photo via Flickr

Dear Em & Lo,

A male acquaintance recently started a conversation about “ugly” vaginas with my friends and me. He said that some vaginas resemble “kebabs” and that a lot of guys are really put off sex when they get a hot girl naked and find that her vagina isn’t as “neat” as they imagined it would be. It made me feel really self-conscious about my own, even though I never have been before.

Anyways, as I have never really seen many vaginas before, I decided to Google “ugly vaginas.” I was curious about what an ugly vagina actually is, and whether mine was one of them. Oh my god! I was shocked. What I thought was normal is actually “kebab-like”!!!! There were images of “beautiful” and “ugly” vaginas. The Vagina Institute in particular compares the two. The “beautiful” ones have plump outer labia and you can’t see the inner labia poking out from them…but the ugly ones are just like mine, when you can see the inner lips slightly.

It has made me feel so self-conscious. I hate to think of my ex and future partners being turned off by my vagina, especially as I try to keep it neat by trimming and waxing! Now I feel like growing a bush to try and hide my lips!! The horrible things is, I think when I was younger my vagina was more beautiful (I’ve seen the pictures of me running around naked on the beach as a child)…at least it looked more like the beautiful vagina pictures. It looked more like a little bottom than an adult vagina. Do you think that I have made it look worse by having lots of sex or something? Or is it just where I am older (I am 22 now). Can you have surgery on your vagina? I really want my inner lips to be made smaller. Is it possible?

–”Ugly” Betty

Dear U.B.,

Oh man. Where do we start? We could write an entire book on this topic. And it would involve a lot of ranting and swear words. Let’s try for the abridged version.

First of all, the bad news: We hate to say it, but yes, there are plenty of guys out there who, like your pal, use terms like “roast beef” or “kebab” to describe what they consider to be “ugly vaginas.” (Ignoramuses! The correct terminology for external female genitalia is vulvas, not vaginas, so we’ll be using that from here on out.) We wish we didn’t live in the kind of world where sexist idiots come up with insulting names for female anatomy, but damn it, we do, and much as we’d like to lie to you and tell you that all guys are just happy to get access to any vulva, no matter what it looks like, we can’t.

These same guys will probably tell you (if you ply them with enough drinks) that a so-called “ugly vagina”, where the inner lips protrude beyond the outer lips, looks that way because the woman has had too much sex. And this is why they find “imperfect” genitalia a turn-off — it makes them think the vagina has too much “mileage.”

First of all, what the double-standard fuck? But second, they’re flat-out wrong. Sex does not make your labia “grow.” Let’s say that one more time: The size and shape of a woman’s labia has nothing to do with the number of notches on her bedpost.

But now the good news: Just because some guys think this way, doesn’t mean they all do. Nor does it mean you have to put up with it. Say no to vulva prejudice! Here are ten things you should know that may help you fight the good fight.

1. Even though seedy quack operations like the Vagina “Institute” (no link for them, they’re assholes) will tell you that vulvas like yours are “abnormal,” they’re not. There’s no such thing as abnormal when it comes to labes. (Okay, maybe if you could play hackysack with your inner labia, that would be a bit abnormal.) Labia come in all shapes and sizes. Most women’s aren’t symmetrical, and it’s incredibly common for a woman’s inner labia to protrude beyond the outer labia. (It’s for this reason that we always use the terms “inner labia” and “outer labia” rather than “labia majora” and “labia minora,” which falsely represent the scale).

2. You know the only place where the vast majority of vulvas do look “perfect” (i.e. the same)? Porn. And it’s for the same reason that most of the ladies in porn have big boobs: It’s a job requirement, so if they weren’t born that way, they go under the knife to get that way. It stands to reason, therefore, that guys who watch a ton of porn are more likely to have strong (and wrong) opinions about your labia. Check out this Australian (NSFW!) report on how porn is responsible for the rise in labiaplasty operations.

3. Yes, you can have surgery on labia. And NO, YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN CONSIDER DOING THIS. If you don’t believe us, Dr. Kate says the same thing. Your labia are full of nerve endings. Every day we are inundated with letters from women saying they can’t orgasm–and you want to lessen your chances?!! Labiaplasty (that’s the “technical” term) to trim your inner lips definitely won’t make sex feel better for you, and it definitely could make sex less pleasurable or even painful.

4. The more a guy is into you, the less likely he is to give a shit what your vulva looks like. Sure, there are some guys out there who have an unbending aesthetic preference, love be damned, just as there are some women out there who can’t imagine sticking it out with a guy who’s less than average-sized. But just as most women will overlook a man’s size if they’re in love with the man attached to that penis, so too will most men learn to love your labia. Hey, it’s not the worst thing in the world to hold off on getting naked with a guy until you’re sure he likes you for more than just your genitals.

5. Some of our best friends have classic “ugly” vaginas. And you know what? Anecdotally speaking, it makes sex better. Like we said, the inner labia are chock-full of nerve endings, and they encase the clitoral head, which means that during intercourse, there’s a whole lot more friction going on. Friction = stimulation = Big Os for her. So there, you vulva fascists.

6. You know what we think is ugly? That plucked-chicken look a vulva gets a few weeks after a full Brazilian (or sometimes even a few days after). Sure, maybe that makes us vulva fascists, too, but we’re just saying is all: Back before people started taking it all off down there, nobody stressed out about their “ugly vagina”, so far as we know. We don’t think you should opt for re-growth to “hide” your vagina–you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of–but you should know that nobody’s adult vulva looks like a little girl’s, with or without pubic hair. So stop trying!

7. And you know what? We’re kind of glad that nobody’s adult vulva looks like a little girl’s. Who wants their vulva to look like a 7-year-old’s? Or a little mini tushy on a kid? That’s some fucked up shit!

8. Next time you’re feeling self-conscious about a body part, do NOT Google it. The Web is overrun with horny 13-year-olds who have unlimited access to porn and very limited knowledge of real women.

9. Libraries are supposed to be “neat.” Office cubicles are supposed to be “neat.” A lawyer’s side part is supposed to be “neat.” Your labia are not.

10. If, like us, you wish we didn’t live in this kind of world, then start changing it, one man at a time: Educate your guy friends. Don’t sleep with men who make you feel self-conscious about your vulva. Do sleep with men who feel self-conscious about their penises. Better yet, find the kind of guy who likes longer inner labia — there are plenty! — and reward him. Educate your female friends. Love your vulva.

Yes, we just lit a patchouli-scented candle.

Em & Lo

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169 Responses to “10 Reasons Your “Ugly Vagina” Is Normal and Gorgeous”

  1. nastassia Says:

    AMEN TO THAT!

  2. Marcus Says:

    My first partner had a naturally “perfect female genitalia” as far as color, shape, size, smell et al. Her’s looked remarkably like the porn ideal. We were together for a long time, and after we broke up, it took me an embarrassingly long period to be with another partner. I only have been with a handful of women, and I am in my 30s. I just couldn’t help being put off by the sights and smells of the more common female genitalia. Please understand, I am not a snob. I just can’t help what I feel, and I have paid dearly for my narrow preference, let me assure you. Since my 1st relationship, sex has been something I put up with to have a relationship. I went to therapy, but it didn’t help much. I have never made any woman self conscious about her genitalia no matter how godawful I felt about it. This my cross to bear in life. I have missed out for most of my adult years on one of life’s greatest pleasures that for me was transformed into something that I grudgingly endure. Most of my male friends had a remarkably pleasurable sojourn with many women and that reminds me of what I have missed out on.

    So ladies, if he does not like what your lady parts look like, he is the one who is going to have to suffer. If he is looking for a good woman who also has a “perfect genitalia”, he can look a lifetime and not find one.

  3. John Bender Says:

    I am almost 60 years old. I have been with a fair amount of woman in my life. All colors and persuasions. I have never seen a vagina that I did not grow to love and adore. Because it was a part of the woman I had grown to love and adore.

    Occasionally a few had very strong aroma, but it was usually a medical condition from poor body chemistry balanced (caused by diet or stress) or a yeast infection. I always gently discussed with my girlfriend and with a little attention the issue was resolved.

    Other than that long lips, small lips, large amount of hair, sparse hair, I never consider this organ could ever be considered “ugly”.

    NOTE: The current trend to shave the vulva totally turns me off. I don’t want to be with a prepubescent girl I want to be with a woman. And the 5 o’clock stubble really sucks.

  4. Sam Says:

    Spare of thought for the men of this world, like myself and Marcus.

    I have been involved with two women in my recent past, both of whom I cared for very much. Both had Brazilian waxes, but one had an enlarged inner labia and one didn’t. When I found it difficult to “perform” for the girl with the enlarged inner labia I thought something was wrong with me! She is absolutely gorgeous too, so it got me thinking; has years of watching porn (as males do) conditioned me to only find the “perfect” type of vagina attractive?

    As it turns out it, yes it probably has. It was something I just couldn’t get past. I would literally lose wood if I looked at it. I felt too embarrassed to say anything to her, I instead pretended to enjoy it and have since moved on. To this very day she does not know how I felt about it and why, I wouldn’t even know how to begin such a conversation.

    This, ladies, is the male psyche. Sure we can be judgmental assholes and have unrealistic expectations but please remember we can not help it sometimes either!

  5. Johnny Says:

    ^ It probably is porn’s fault.

    I guess I was a little put off the first time I experienced larger, darker inner labia. My mental trick was to go tactile. Close my eyes and think about how it felt against my fingers. She was so wet, and there was so much to play with, and it felt great. Two minutes later I was going down on her and loving it, and this was never a problem for me again.

    Good thing, too, because I tend to date exotic women. Darker labes come with the territory. Why would a woman whose skin is brown everywhere else have a pink pussy!? Ridiculous to be surprised by that.

  6. Shaina Says:

    I am one of hopefully the many women out there who is discourages with how our area looks. When i first noticed my problem i thought i would grow into it but i didnt. I have come to realize that it will never go away. I feel like men compare us true women to the porn models. It hurts me a lot to know that I am not good enough for men. I just want to find a guy who loves my body completely and rather look at me then porn :(

  7. julie Says:

    For the last 3 years of my 6 yr marriage I have lived with this shame. After the birth of my twins my vagina looks different… He makes sure I know it every day. Blown Out. Roast Beef. Wrinkley, saggy cunt. Looks like you have a dick instead of a pussy. Bolonga lips. I could go on for years with the things he has to say to me. Sometimes I think a different man would love me anyway… But from these comments, it appears that is untrue. I am 28 years old. My husband has a girlfriend because my vagina is too ugly. I will never have sex again.

  8. Johnny Says:

    ^ Another man WOULD love you. Not “anyway.” Just plain, another man would love you. Hell, if the new guy were just a negligent, thoughtless, emotionally absent, sexually inept slob, he’d still be a step up from the guy you’ve got now.

    Seriously though, your “husband” is abusing you regularly, and his girlfriend is up next. He’s a cruel person. Imagine the effect this is going to have on your twins. You can’t live like this. You have to leave.

  9. Johnny Says:

    ^ Also – vagina-related nasty names aren’t the only names he calls you, am I right? That’s not the only thing he’s mean to you about, is it? Point is, it’s not your vagina. It’s HIM.

  10. julie Says:

    Johnny,
    You are right about nasty names. Some are just more humiliating than others. I nevet imagined in a million years that my body could be used against me in this way. I used to be so happy. Maybe someday Ill afford surgery. As for the girlfriend, shes perfect in every way. Trust me, Ive been forced to see it. Thanks for your words of encouragment.

  11. Bettyboo Says:

    Julie, leave him, take the twins and go for a friends or family or even a hostel (he may not be physically aggressive as yet(or is he?) but this is definitely emotional abuse and I would imagine services for domestic abuse wouldn’t make the distinction and a verbally abusive man is likely to become physically abusive if he is allowed to get away with it) find some free or cheap advice on divorce and child maintenance and custody etc. I’m in the UK so I can’t recommend organisations who will help you but I’m sure someone else reading this will know. If it were me I wouldn’t want someone like this influencing my children, if you have boys they will learn that they can treat women this way, if girls they learn that a woman has to put up with this and may end up abused themselves later in life or your husband may turn his vitriol onto your children.. For your own sake and your childrens you need to leave this toxic man, no-one deserves this kind of treatment.

  12. Danah Says:

    Thank you

  13. good guy Says:

    Guys get ripped on their package size way more than women do on this and you KNOW people.Heck judging a guy on his size has been the butt of jokes for decades and now is socially acceptable and seen as female empowerment by many.Bash away we know you will and we know you enjoy it! We also know that women are often some of the biggest hypocrites,sexists and cruel,heartless beings on earth.Some of us have proven this,yet it is always the women who get round table discussions on how THEY can feel better about themselves.

  14. well Says:

    good guy

    male pity chauvinist is as bad as feminist pig btw. I see it 50|50 when it come to appearance but an ugly guy still got more chance.

  15. Ker Says:

    This article has really helped me out, i always thought my vagina was god damned ugly and abnormal compared to-yes- porn models, and i worried about what any future partner might say or if they’d be too turned off to do it with me.therefore i kinda resolved to always have the lights firmly off when i do start having sex.
    i used to neat up the area and trim it low, but ever since seen one on tv, i’ve let the bush grow tall, and trust me its longggggggg. and i even considered bleaching the area cause i’m brown yet that area is darker and that really disturbed me, i might still bleach the area out to have even toned colouring but no surgeries are in my future since i love the idea of extra chances for pleasure!

  16. MARI CHAN Says:

    It is strange but but I met my ex-wife at her age 33 and a virgin! Yes her vagina was like you see in porn movies but after we had two kids, it also flabbed out like you describe yours. But that had no influence in our relationship. After a while I noticed that she was becomming self conscious about it. First she got very jealous and I had no right to call my secretary about any job issue etc. I tried to find out what was going on but she wouldn’t tell me. Then she got violent. She is a big basket ball player and an expert swimmer. I cannot bear any thing in the domain of violence. I am a soldier and a master in the martial arts. Any mistake with my fingers would result in something I did not foresee so I hate violence in all its forms. One day, she exploded that I have a young secretary because I want “fresh pussy”. The realization rained down on me; I have never ever Never NEVER said nor behaved insolent towards her. And I have never dated my secretary, besides she met that girl under my orders.
    In any case, what I want you julie to know is that you must leave your husband immediately. Vagina has never been any reason for divorce or contempt.
    Next thing: guys myst understand that WOMAN is more conscious about her looks. Woman is eaSY TO BREAK BY A LITtle harsh word. Even if it is usual for women to mock our little cocks or big cocks etc, we wan withstand that more than they can. It you give back to a woman the same insult she gives you, you are sure to make her cry. So, for the respect of humanity, for the respect of woman who gave birth to us all, I request that we males, be kind to the women, even if they are sometimes harsh on us.
    I am divorced now, but it is not a vagina problem. My girl at this moment is a 46 YO and mother of 4. She got long inner lips and I love her so bad, I get dizzy with sucking on the long lips. She likes it. Julie, leave that imp, fast!!! There is someone out there who will have you with all that is JULIE. Your vagina is not ugly!!! Hey, c’mon!! SHAPE-TIGRESS AND ENJOY LIFE

  17. mike Says:

    Women need to stop thinking so much. 84% of vaginas are beautiful, no matter the profile. Suprise keeps life interesting. Case in point, I’m attracted to many strictly naked females

  18. nicole Says:

    i hate my vulva with a passion. i’ve never seen anything uglier in my entire life. i look at it and just want to stab it. i could cry just thinking about it. i was as young as 12 when my friend told me something was wrong with me when she saw it because my inner labia sag so low. also thanks to a few men that let me know how they felt about it. if i saw a man with an ugly penis, i’d at least have the decency to pretend i cared for it instead of bashing him for the way he looks and telling all of his friends.

  19. 25yo Male Says:

    The truth:

    Everybody is self-conscious. I hit the gym 15-20 hours a week to keep myself feeling like I’m in top form, both in the bedroom and out of it. That’s pretty much a part-time job right there. I don’t really even use it for anything like sport, just to keep up appearances.

    Let’s face it – my peers are mostly children. They won’t grow up til their in the 30s and even then, it could still take some time. Do what you need to do to feel confident, comfortable and safe. If that means making a guy wait 2-3 months before putting out, then do that. At least then you know he will love you regardless.

    I was with the wrong girl a few years ago – everything about her appearances repulsed me. Another girlfriend was extremely beautiful, but the only time we had as a couple was pretty much in the bedroom, We had no contact. Don’t stop – learn from your experiences and search for the right partner. We are all different.

  20. Drealgrin Says:

    Until women grow up and realize that uncircumcised men are normal, then men will have every right to call women out on their less-than-pornstar-like vulvas.

    IF men are required to have their genitals maimed to suit scummy women, then it’s only fair that men demand the same “quality”.

  21. jane Says:

    I am in my twenties and have never had sex with a man, but have done so much of everything else (mostly to myself), starting at a very young age, that my inner labia is darker and pokes out. I find it extremely unattractive, and I fear I’ll never be able to be intimate with a man, because when I tell them I’m a virgin.. they’ll expect everything to look ‘perfect’ down there and then encounter a big surprise. I’m an outgoing person and am comfortable with how I look everywhere BUT “down there”, so I meet many men that I’m interested in and have no trouble getting asked out on dates (not saying that to be boastful, I’m just illustrating my life), but I rarely go on more than two dates with the same guy because I’m terrified of what they’ll think of me when we take that next step. As a result, I have very many guy friends because that takes away the pressure of intimacy, but it also forces me to listen to ‘guy talk’ all the time, only talking about sex and ‘ugly vaginas’ that they’ve encountered. I join in and laugh, but little do they know… So I’ve come to the conclusion that I may just have to stay single forever. I’m not unhappy about that idea, but at the same time I wouldn’t mind sharing my life with someone either!

    I liked reading this and knowing about other people’s experiences. It helped a bit.. however many people are talking about how everything turned “ugly” after having had children, and evidently I have not gone through that, so my anxiousness remains and probably will for a very long time.

  22. jane Says:

    I found a website called vaginasoftheworld.tumblr.com. If anyone is self-conscious of their vagina, I suggest you look at this website. Just found it last night.. and it has helped me so much it’s ridiculous. Turns out this article is right, every woman’s vulva is beautiful!

  23. Maria Says:

    Wow, this thread has shocked me. Julie, please seriously consider leaving this horribly abusive person. You deserve pure joy in your life. He is taking it away from you, one word at a time. It’s dangerous.

    About labia and penises. You know, just what is it that is so wrong with natural? I really like uncircumcised men. I think the extra skin is beautiful. Like a house for the penis. Men should leave their penises alone and be proud of what they are born with. And we women should do the same. Why alter what nature gave us? Big labia, small labia….It’s there to love. That simple.

  24. aceofqueens Says:

    You women think that men are sexist based upon on our personal feelings and preferences in pussies. We’re allowed to have whatever opinion we like. There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting a pussy that actually looks appealing. And that doesn’t mean that a man who uses words like vaginas instead of vulva is a sexist pig. It’s unrelated. And nobody says shit like that anyway because it’s not how normal people talk, just like how people don’t use “thy” and “thou” anymore. Get with the program. If a woman got pissed at me for saying vagina instead of vulva, I’d get pissed if she called my penis a cock or dick. Think about that. Would you really want to call it that instead of a cock or dick like a regular person? Also, just because men enjoy (again) something that actually looks sexy and feminine, doesn’t mean we want too look like a little girl’s. That is so disgusting to think about. I don’t know why you would even try to compare them, because they’re not even close. You don’t even know what men consider to be a pretty pussy. The best looking pussy I’ve seen had inner lips sticking out like a flower, except instead of it being all wrinkly and grey like an old lady’s it was nice and smooth and pink. It was glorious.

  25. relivedd Says:

    after reading this it helped a bunch becuase i feel embarresed about the way i look down theyre. i shave and stay as clean as possible, i mean what girl wouldnt? im 17 and i dont want to make myself so upest about it but its hard not to get upset when you hear about guys saying some vag’s are pretty and some are not. but this reasures me that its beautiful no matter what it looks like.

  26. Jim Accetta Says:

    Great Article! There are documented 9 variations or types of vagina’s, all beautiful in their own way. Here is a link to the book that shows them.
    http://www.amaracharles.com/

  27. Craig Says:

    I just happen to be from the opposing camp. The bigger the clit and the bigger the inner lips, the better! I like a mouthful when I go down to “play”. I could spend 30 minutes “nursing” at the Y. What I have found is that girls lacking a protruding clit and/or lips lose out on climax opportunities that their “larger” counterparts get. Enjoy what you have! It just takes finding the right man to comets the puzzle. We are out here. Don’t give up!

  28. Brianna Says:

    After reading this article I feel way better about the way my pussy looks. I thought that because my pussy didn’t look the same as all the porn girls, that it was abnormal and ugly. I feel better now knowing i’m not the only one with longer lips than usual :)

  29. Bob Says:

    Here’s the thing women. A perfect vagina is always celebrated and coveted. It can actually make a man more successful or more faithful. Believe me, it’s true. If a woman is not desirable sexually, the male will not strive to keep her.

    Now. That being said. Here’s the good part for you. Yes, natural selection will weed out all of us who aren’t the ideal. But, sometimes something different is fun. It’s taboo or exotic. And this alone can make a guy extremely attracted to it. You just have to learn how to flaunt what you have. If you have long lips, figure out a way to market them. Just like black women who have to work with big butts as a marketable asset. The only thing that doesn’t for sure turn men on, is a smelly vagina/anus. If you want a pleasant tasting and smelling vagina, you need to keep away from red meat, which women should not be eating anyway because it’s protein and hormones which builds larger muscles and causes things to get fattier and less tone. Try to limit the greasy, fatty, meat laden foods, and eat fruits and vegetables. Especially fruits. And NEVER use pads, use only tampons, and keep that thing reasonably trimmed, hair collects sweat and smell. Moisture allows sliding, so if you are a big girl, I suggest loosing weight and keeping dry. When you come home from work, change your panties, I’ve never known a woman who smelled bad that changed her panties twice in a day, and make sure you are wearing cotton or some other absorbent panty, and use an almost undetectable amount of baby powder on your butt crack and between your inner thigh and crotch, this will prevent further chaffing and absorbs moisture.

  30. Johnny Says:

    Wow Bob.

  31. Funguy Says:

    LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN!!!! There are woman in porn with inner lips protruding and guess what? MANY MANY MEN LOOOOOVE THIS. THEY PREFER THIS. WE SEARCH FOR THIS. The perfect pussy in our minds IS THIS TYPE. Do not be discouraged or opt for surgery!! No fucking way. The fatter, the more lips, the more there is to suck on and it is amazing watching our penises plunge into this beautiful mound of flowering flesh. TRUST ME.

  32. Lulu Says:

    This is why I hate porn. It has severely distorted people’s perceptions of what is normal and driving people to mutilate their freaking genitals for crying out loud. Cutting your labia is a bad idea, this can cause infection, since part of its purpose is to protect it from bacteria. Some women are dark down there and that is perfectly normal! I know girls as young as 13 who are very stressed about if their vagina is “normal” and attractive and even considering surgery. They feel completely ugly unless they looked like a drugged up porn star with fake tits and perfectly pink vagina. It has also caused men to feel if they don’t have a 12 inch dick they are small. The average global penis size is about a 5! No knife should go down there for anything other then real medical emergencies! (I am also against circumcision before anyone calls me a hypocrite.)

  33. No Says:

    Wow, fuck you Marcos, Sam, and whoever else. Ffffffuuuuuckkkk you!

  34. No Says:

    You can help it Sam. Stay alone and fuck yourself and leave women Alone.

  35. Joleen Says:

    This is funny considering another thread stating porn is harmless…obviously.. Not.

  36. Anonymous Says:

    What in the fuck? The only person that I have ever heard refer to a vagina as ‘ugly’ is you, so get off your pedestal of man bashing and stop generalizing men from the sample of 14 year old boys and porn addicts. Sure, we use terms like ‘roast beef’ and ‘cheeseburger’, but these words aren’t used negatively, they simply are funny ways of describing what specific types of vaginas look like. You would be lying if you say women don’t give funny names describing man’s penis. The truth of the matter is that pretty much every guy doesn’t give a flying fuck about what the vagina looks like, and as far as I can see women seem to care far more about the way a cock looks. You are right about one thing though; the myth about the cheeseburger being the result of fucking too much. Once guys pass their teen years, we figure out that it isn’t really related. (especially since, generally, people in active relationships have sex more frequently than those that are not, albeit with the same person, hopefully. Yet the vagina stays the same.

  37. zubaida Says:

    Hey in adding comments to jonnhy’s situation me also abused by my boyfriend that i have an ugly vagina,more then an year we were dating…though he used tosay he loved me.He used to say my love, i am mad of on the other hand heabused me remarkabley torturing comments which he didn’t realized how i was puzzled.From first dating he commented about my body figures and vagina .Frrom very first i shocked withguilty feelings .Finnally i decided to breakup as it destroyed my feelings though mostly men easly attracted to me.After this breakup iwonder if i would be able to carry on thinking of a gay.

  38. Tony Says:

    The short version – whether or not a woman has large (or small, or medium, or whatever) labia is perfectly fine with me. I can’t recall ever seeing a vulva where I thought anything negative about how it looked visually unless something was medically wrong (I am a health provider, and have seen literally hundreds of vulvas), such as a Bartholin’s Cyst or an active, overt infection. When I first heard of the concept of an “ugly vulva” (in my 30′s), I was frankly shocked as I had never heard of nor even considered the concept.

    So, for anyone out there who thinks that their vulva is unattractive and would interfere with a relationship, there are definitely guys out there who 1) believe that your vulva looks perfectly fine, and 2) care much more about who you are as a friend/lover/potential mate. ’nuff said.

  39. Flower Says:

    Hello Julie. I feel so sad for you but don’t be discourage hon. I know your spirit is crushed but once you find the strength to leave this price of trash (who obviously thinks woman value based on their labias/ vagina.
    Let me tell you a story.
    When I was younger I felt that I was rather attractive because I have many many boys chasing me everywhere I went. So anyways I ended up with someone who really liked me at first. I got pregnant after a year. He was incredibly verbally abusive starting at this point. Calling me “elephant” didn’t want to be seen with me. After the baby he would insult me and say I was not attractive to him anymore. I felt really bad inside but I still knew I was a good person.
    Anyways, I became self conscious especially after a baby your body really changes. I felt that maybe no one would find me satisfying to their liking until I met my husband. He was always so turned on by me and we would do it 2-3 times a day. He would complement me on my body all the time. At first I didn’t believe him and thought he was just a horny guy. Then after several years (we always talked freely about our sexual desire) he confided that I had the perfect labia/ pubis. He described it as a little mound. He liked the fact that my area down there was somewhat puffy. This got me curios.
    So I looked in the mirror one day at my labia and need I remind you I was not impressed. I have seen it many times before and was rather put off myself about it. Just because I have seen many porn movies and it wasn’t as nice as what I saw in the movies. Anywho, whatever my opinion is and my ex’s opinion that nearly crushed me. It ses I have found the right man that loves my “style” we are married 12 years and he loves it still after 2 kids. He asked to see it everytime we do it and he can do it twice a night if I let him because he says it turns him on so much. Occasionally when we see a nice plump puffy labia on porn he would say “that’s what yours looks like” which I feel O hardly come closed but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Besides maybe I am not seeing it fully from his angle.
    So don’t be discourage. Sounds like your husband is over anal about what your’s should look like and that’s not much you could do about it but however there will be a man out there who is looking for a labia/vagina just like yours. You just have to find him. Good Luck. You deserve better, especially since your “ugly” vagina has earn the respect of giving him twins. A better would worship it!

  40. Joe Says:

    I bet a good number of women who are so self-conscious about their “ugly” genitals have laughed an “uncircumcised penises are so gross or funny looking” type joke, the kind of which are popular in movies and TV shows.

    How many women with “ugly” vaginas have had their sons circumcised because it “looks better” or “I don’t want him to feel different in the locker room”

    Your genitals are your genitals. Accept them for how they are. Just make sure that you’re holding yourself to that own standard when it comes to others and call out your friends who point out “ugly” penises and such.

  41. Rebecca Says:

    Oh man.. you know whats funny? I totally hate how my vagina looks.. like seriously its gross to me, call it what you like, say I’m in denial w/e I still thinks its gross and personally, I’d like to know if there ARE ways to lighten up the color, just because I personally don’t like the way it looks. My fiance? He could care less about what it looks like, if I shave or not, but I do..

    So meh, maybe its not all just guys x) I’m probably just as bad lol

    But yeah, I guess I can understand but then again its kinda the same as us chicks looking at a guy whos circumcised and being grossed out or thinking that ugly. (personally, my fiance is “uncut” hehe looove it! -w-) So I guess it’s just how you feel, if you like it you do, if you don’t well thats just how it is.

    I mean, come on, how many of us have certain standards, like “I won’t date someone whos obese”, or “I won’t date a guy with a small ****” We all do it, even in small ways, so is it really fair to critisize guys or chicks who have preferences for “porn vaginas” or “uncut penises”?

  42. Mary Says:

    I’m also one of so many self concious women about our anatomy. I’m 42 and my vulva is a lil wrinkly and a lil loose, I don’t like it :( . I have a boyfriend, he is doing time right now, but he will be out next year, and my biggest fear is that when we start our sexual relationship and he sees my vulva he will get grossed out or something. It’s probably all in my head, but i’m just scared of that.

  43. Amy Says:

    I am 20 years old and i have not had sex due to the fact i thought my vagina was “ugly”. i couldnt bare the thought of someone else seeing it when i couldnt even look at it myself! I am not completely over this but your article has helped a lot thank you!

  44. David Says:

    I came to this site because my new lover has a definite phobia regarding her vulva. She thinks it’s ugly, but she’s apparently never really looked at herself or explored. I think she’s gorgeous, but she refers to her vulva as “down there”, and if I make love to her orally, I have to go brush my teeth before she’ll kiss me again. She denies sexual abuse, and claims not to know the source of her dislike of her anatomy. She also doesn’t enjoy extended foreplay or touching of her genitals. She wants an orgasm fast, and then can’t bear to be touched for a while because of the sensitivity. I’m 57, and have known many women. I love all vulva’s, the look, smell and taste. I’ve never met anyone like my current lady though, and it doesn’t affect my love for her, but I would like to be able to understand her better, and I feel like she’s missing out on a lot of pleasure. Any ideas ladies?

  45. LoveLife Says:

    Wow.
    I don’t give a fuck what a man thinks about how my pussy looks.
    I care that he likes the smell, taste and feel of it. That is the important part.
    My pussy is crazy orgasmic, smells good and lo-ves sex. And that is good enough. In fact better than good enough!
    Cocks and balls look ridiculous. Seriously. All of our bits are weird!
    My labia minora are big. All I can say about what I have experienced sexually is that it seems to offer more texture and sensation than not having them be prominent.
    I have a brazilian wax not because I think it looks good. In fact I think bald and semi bald pussies look a little embarassing but for me it feels better for sex.

  46. LoveLife Says:

    I understand having preferences but not prejudices. No cock or pussy is ugly. Ever.
    Be happy with the cock/pussy you have.
    Take pleasure in it and the parts of the one you are with. A good and loving attitude towards each others genitals and your own will reward you a million times over!

  47. LoveLife Says:

    This issue is mostly New World Order control over womens bodies and minds. Making us obsess about non-issues instead of real things like: They think rape is mostly justifiable, abortions are never permissible, daycare should be paid by you, not the state, women earn less, pay more for healthcare and dry cleaners, there is a pervasive paedophilic sexualization of pre-teens and teens and on and on.
    Having a pussy that looks like a pornstar is not a priority.
    That said, I do condone surgery if the labia are interfering with whatever they could be interfering with but not your ego.

  48. Lerato Says:

    I love my vagina. Libia sticking out and dark colour. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice lol. When I was younger I hated the way it looked. 22 years old now and I don’t care. If he says it smells and tastes good then thats good enough for me. Us ladies always seem to find something wrong with ourselves physically all the time even if we are told that we are beautiful… The sooner you accept your body, the happier you will be…

  49. A girl Says:

    First off; many women with long inner lips find the sensation of penetration painful as it drags the lips into the vagina and it feels super painful. So don’t judge anyone for getting labiaplasty. I get most of the response however

    I have one issue with this; I rarely see ‘neat’ vag in porn. Loose looking lips aren’t appealing to me either and I’m a straight woman. I am often looking for porn and I’m always seeing those crudely labelled ‘roast beef’ types. Humans are chemically driven to like symmetry. Obviously their are exceptions. I don’t have to love everything about the opposite sex, I’m not a fan of bent dicks or hairy men, and it’s not because of porn. I developed preferences on my own. Some men like neat and don’t want hair in their mouths during oral (same for girls!) some men like the lips because they’re fun to tease and play with. Requiring or expecting people to think parts of should be attractive to them isn’t a healthy expectation.

  50. Melisa Says:

    Who are these CRAZIES? Who gives a FUCK if the person you are with doesn’t have a vag like your favorite porn star? Newsflash – THEY’RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

    Vaginas come in many varieties, just like penises. This is such a non-issue.

    I never understood why vaginas were considered to be like flowers because well, I look at mine standing up in the mirror and it basically looks like this W, right ladies?

    To the lady with twins whose husband calls here names – dump the mother trucker immediately. You don’t need a minute of that – you bore & birthed 2 children! That were his too! What a pig from hell.

    Congrats on your feat of carrying and birthing 2 babies!


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