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5 Quick and Easy Ways to Embrace Your Inner Dominatrix

Wed, Jul 13, 2011

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

Lelo cuffs from Eden Fantasys

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I have great sexual chemistry and things have been going really well both inside and outside of the bedroom, but there’s one small issue: we’re both on the sexually submissive side. Though it is not usually an issue, it is clear that we’d both prefer being with someone more sexually dominant than ourselves. I would like to try and see if I have it in me to be more dominant in the bedroom because I know he would really like that, but I have no idea how! I would really appreciate some tips on how to take charge in the bedroom. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Dubious Dominant

Dear D.D.,

You don’t have to be dressed in head-to-toe pleather, wielding a riding crop and saying things like “You’ve been a bad, bad boy” to embrace your inner dom. Here are five simple things you can do — with or without props — that don’t require a lot of emoting on your part:

  1. Tie him up. This is domination 101. By restraining him, you make him a slave to your sexual will. After you tie him up, you don’t even have to do anything that kinky, just hop on and enjoy yourself, even if that means nice, face-holding lurve-making. Of course, always make sure you follow the safety rules of restraint and honor whatever arrangements you two have (e.g. always using condoms). If you don’t have a safe and easy way to tie him up, like with purpose-made cuffs, just make him hold something or have him put his hands behind his head.
  2. Blindfold him. This is another BDSM basic. By impairing his vision, you make him more vulnerable. He won’t see that feather tickler or ice cube coming! You could put his iPod headphones on him as well, to increase the sensory deprivation.
  3. Take his voice. You could gag him, but that can be a bit tricky (safety-wise) and uncomfortable. Just tell him he’s not allowed to say anything during your session, and if he does, you get to spank him (on only the fleshy part of his bum, not too hard). You can even extend this to moans and heavy breathing, which he’ll never be able to resist, at which point you would temporarily withhold whatever sensations you’re administering — this kind of teasing is a great form of power play. By the way, it’s good to agree on a safeword beforehand that he can use in case he needs to tell you that something is uncomfortable or have you stop.
  4. Play “D.D. Says.” He’s only allowed to do what you tell him to do: from taking off his clothes to touching you, from going slower to going faster, etc. This gets you out of having to come up with creative dominant dirty talk — you simply direct and narrate the action, and even if you’re not using dirty language, just the fact that you are verbalizing what’s about to happen is automatically kind of naughty.
  5. Make him your foreplay love pet. You don’t need to make him do your laundry or scrub your floors — that just seems rude. But why not make him do a little dirty work before getting it on: have him bathe you, shampoo you, towel you off, moisturize you, dress you in your best lingerie (or whatever), brush your hair… Hell, you could even make him give you a foot massage! Once you get a taste of this life, you may never want to be submissive again.

Lovingly telling you what to do,

Em & Lo

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3 Responses to “5 Quick and Easy Ways to Embrace Your Inner Dominatrix”

  1. girlztoy20878@yahoo.com Says:

    Remember: 1. You deserve to be pampered. 2. He wants to serve you. And a light spanking should show that things are going to happen because you want them to even if it’s not his idea. Don’t worry, part of him wants it. 3. He wants to be teased and denied to the breaking point- at first. 3. He wants you to orgasm- a lot. It’s nice to alternate teasing and denying him with your climaxes. 4. Don’t neglect his nipples. 5. Make him beg and agree to do it again before he gets relief.

  2. Rick Says:

    There is an important point missing from this answer. Intensity is important. Some folks like light sensual spanking and others. Others like a stinging spanking that leaves you squirming the next day. If you enjoy light spanking you may not like stinging spanking. If you like harder stinging spanking you may be frustrated by light spanking You really have to try it a couple of times to figure out your kink. Most folks are fine with handspanks. But if he wants to be squirming the next day and she is only comfortable with “light spanking” then she needs to learn to use a switch or cane. What seems light to her may satisy his desire to be squirming the next day.

  3. Kat Says:

    Thanks for the tips. I’ve played a little at being a dom but lately my hubby has expressed interest in my taking it further. These will definitely help.


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