Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

Good Vibes Sex Toys

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Christmas Story Lamp on Amazon


8 Rules of the Booty Call

Thu, Jul 28, 2011

Advice, How To

photo by sidewalk_flying

We’ve all been there: Out on the town, feeling good after a cocktail or five, you don’t want to go home but you can’t stay where you are, and no one has made you any offers you can’t refuse yet. So you fish out your phone to daringly (read: desperately) see if one of your acquaintances might take sexual pity on you. It’s a recipe for disaster. But if you insist on doing it again (and you know you will), follow these rules to ease everyone’s pain:

1. Text, don’t call. Text messages were practically invented for booty calls! Slurring goes unnoticed, grammar is irrelevant, and if they’re not around, you won’t embarrass yourself with a rambling voicemail message.

2. When in doubt, be clever rather than crass. A little cheeky banter, some playful innuendo, a compliment or two to fluff up the ego (among other body parts) will usually work way better than a cheap crotch shot. Well, they’ll work better on ladies, anyway. The XXX pic might work on some guys but you’ll feel better about yourself in the morning if you don’t go there.

3. Be buzzed, not blotto. If you’re too drunk to correctly spell the name of your potential partner, to find your own cellphone, or to perform sexually, then you’re too drunk for a decent booty call.

4. Choose a designated dialer. If you’re in the habit of drunk-dialing the wrong kind of booty call (that ex you can’t get over, your boss, etc.) then hand a good friend your phone at the beginning of the night and give them permission to cut you off — tequila- or text-wise — at any time.

5. Try take-out booty. Staying home and making a sober booty call from your own bed and convincing someone to leave a bar to come service you is a highly underrated act.

6. Don’t engage in booty drive-bys. Stopping by their place at 2 a.m. because you don’t have their number or your phone is dead is generally a terrible idea. We’ll bet you a hundred bucks they’re either fast asleep or entertaining someone else.

7. Be thoughtful with your calls. Before you make a booty call, think about what’s going on with your intended: Do they have a big project they’re preparing for? Do they have to get up early? Are they already asleep? Are they stone cold sober? Do they have family visiting? Did their pet just die? If the answer is yes, you might want to think twice about hitting “send.”

8. Engage in booty, not brunch. When daylight hits, you can test the waters for morning sex (not likely) but don’t push your luck by requesting breakfast (especially not in bed).

, ,

 

20 Responses to “8 Rules of the Booty Call”

  1. Disgusted Says:

    Well, I’m no prude but this is just gross. With all the diseases out there I really hoped people were smarter than to engage in shallow reckless behavior.
    Training your emotions to the “off” position to please the body is called dysfunction.

  2. Vicky Says:

    Like it;)

  3. Ryan Says:

    “Disgusted” is a loser. Vicky, me likey too :-)

  4. Anonymousgirl Says:

    I’m with Disgusted. This is gross. If everyone adopts this way of life, there would be no stable families and society would be a big mess.

    Who likes the humiliation of being treated like a sex object? Might as well just go to the sex toy store, it’s no different.

    How about finding one person you really care for, and being faithful to him/her?

  5. Cheers for beers Says:

    Dunno. Personally, I could go for being treated like a sex object. Doesn’t sound too bad!

  6. Lighten up Says:

    This is not gross.

    It’s not a way of life and it’s not about being unfaithful, it’s about having fun while you’re unattached. There’s nothing dirty or dangerous about it if you use contraception.

    This isn’t suggesting you go and pick up randoms, they’re talking about someone you know and trust.

    Lighten up people.

  7. Missy Says:

    So. Just read the above. I am not in the 20 or 30 something crowd, I’m 47.
    Restarted the dating deal (after a 15 year marriage ended) about 3 years ago. Kissed a few toads, and a month ago met a guy. Famous last words. Met a guy. I thought (think, maybe) he might be the real deal. Went out a couple of times, some decent sex after a year long dry spell. Took me to meet his grown kids, had a great day, and then poof. Disappeared for a week. I promose I didn’t fart or say anything stupid. He called a couple of days ago. Met up, had ridiculously good (great, fantastic) sex–lots of sweet hugging–. Now 3 days later I called him. Nothing stupid, just an invite for beers. No call back. Sound like a booty call to you?

  8. Shishalicious Says:

    This guy is running from commitment. I have one of those guys and by the way I am within a year or two of your age. My guy is also our age. We started off like you are discussing, met all the family immediately, managed to get engaged in a month, and then unengaged shortly thereafter. We are still doing the booty call thing ten months later. Can’t let go, can’t commit. Go figure. I found this article searching for answers. Looking for definitition of “booty call.” Sure is different when we are younger and more care free.

  9. Johnny Says:

    My question and rule for this guy would be, “why does that crazy bitch know my name and phone number? YOU deal with this however you have to. See to it that I never hear from her again.”

    Shit like this is a major breach of booty call discretion and trust in my opinion. When I am in casual mode, no booty call is allowed to know anything about the others, except that they exist. If one were to go all private eye and dig up the info for herself, then go all vigilante and make threatening calls, I would immediately hard-dump her. Which is what this gentleman caller of yours should do.

  10. C-Dub Says:

    You ppl have no idea what a booty call is. A booty call is when one makes an impromptu call to someone THEY’RE EITHER CURRENTLY, OR USED TO SLEEP WITH. The only caveat is the fact that they aren’t in commited relationships with one another. Nothing disgusting about that…and for the record…you are a prude, or even worse…a hypocrite. Unless you’re a 40 year old virgin, and if that is the case, that’s a whole new subject. Get off your soapbox and stop judging. Sounds like you need a bootycall.

  11. RAC Says:

    “Anonymousgirl Says: How about finding one person you really care for, and being faithful to him/her?”

    How about some of us thought we’d found that person, and then they stomped on our hearts? Forgive us if we stop wanting to make ourselves emotionally vulnerable, at least for a while.

  12. sicnarf roknod Says:

    was all those who say this disgusting or gross question why did u click to view this in the first curiosity they say killed the cat
    PS if u are getting some we are not so buzz off with your negative comments i need the i can get thank u

  13. Tahnee Says:

    There’s nothing new about booty calls. It’s not like this article is promoting a new lifestyle. Jut some things to conciser before doing it. Generally, the person you’re dialing is someone you already know and have slept with, before. These are often trusted Friends-With-Benefits. Though I honestly can’t say for EVERYONE. But if I ever made a booty call, it’d be with someone I know plays safe and isn’t a jerk to me. Still, I like this list!

  14. Alternative Live-style Says:

    There are people who like to be collard and led around. There are people who dig feet. Dudes that like dudes and ladies that like to, whats this? Have sex when they are in the mood? If its not your cup of tea don’t preach to me the world is a big place filled with lots of different people if they aren’t hurting any one stfu if you don’t have anything nice to say…you know.

  15. Punkin Says:

    I think that one guy was referring to a one-night-stand and not a booty call. One night stands should never happen. A booty call with someone you trust is totally different.

  16. Zee Says:

    LOL, wow, looks like a group of you have no life….Ok, looks like you have a very sheltered life. I guess to each their own but damn!

    I have had 3 on Friday, 4 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. Granted that is not the norm but still, when it is all said and done I think I will be glad to look back down the road and give myself a high-five rather then sit and ponder over all the what-ifs. Geez people live a little. (I never said not to be safe while doing it though)

  17. rustufer Says:

    Solid list of pointers.The people that are anti booty call do not realize that alot of people do not associate love and feelings with sex.Some people are unloveable, or afraid to get hurt;others just like variety.I prefer a monogomous relationship, for many reasons, but being a chef that works 60 hours a week I am stuck with dating, and the occasional booty call.

  18. Kelley Says:

    I don’t think there is anything gross about it if you are both single, but I just don’t care for someone calling/texting me up out of the blue for sex. It makes me feel used and like a piece of meat.

    I won’t be upset with them, but I will say “no thanks”. I certainly don’t condemn others however.

    I think some people get upset when they think a booty call or one night stand doesn’t turn into a relationship, because they don’t seem to understand booty call is just sex.

  19. Brittany Says:

    The trick to a perfect booty call:
    Having them come over when you want to/ meet up at your call
    Knowing they are safe sex partners
    Having feelings of friendship and attraction but alas there are bigger reasons one of you doesn’t want to commit
    You like sex and don’t hang out too long after/ leave in the morning
    NO followup you just wait and chill.
    Rotate your booty calls, time goes by its a revolving door act and its fun
    allows you to not be attached and carry on with being an individual with
    sexual liberation

  20. LaylamArie Says:

    ALSO LADIES, just because you are gorgeous, and he hooks up with a troll now and then, don’t take it personal…I made that mistake and then slapped myself in the head. He liked me on his arm when in filet mignon fantasy mode. She was the hamburger mode now and then.


Leave a Reply