8 Rules of the Booty Call

We’ve all been there: Out on the town, feeling good after a cocktail or five, you don’t want to go home but you can’t stay where you are, and no one has made you any offers you can’t refuse yet. So you fish out your phone to daringly (read: desperately) see if one of your acquaintances might take sexual pity on you. It’s a recipe for disaster. But if you insist on doing it again (and you know you will), follow these rules to ease everyone’s pain:

1. Text, don’t call. Text messages were practically invented for booty calls! Slurring goes unnoticed, grammar is irrelevant, and if they’re not around, you won’t embarrass yourself with a rambling voicemail message.

2. When in doubt, be clever rather than crass. A little cheeky banter, some playful innuendo, a compliment or two to fluff up the ego (among other body parts) will usually work way better than a cheap crotch shot. Well, they’ll work better on ladies, anyway. The XXX pic might work on some guys but you’ll feel better about yourself in the morning if you don’t go there.

3. Be buzzed, not blotto. If you’re too drunk to correctly spell the name of your potential partner, to find your own cellphone, or to perform sexually, then you’re too drunk for a decent booty call.

4. Choose a designated dialer. If you’re in the habit of drunk-dialing the wrong kind of booty call (that ex you can’t get over, your boss, etc.) then hand a good friend your phone at the beginning of the night and give them permission to cut you off — tequila- or text-wise — at any time.

5. Try take-out booty. Staying home and making a sober booty call from your own bed and convincing someone to leave a bar to come service you is a highly underrated act.

6. Don’t engage in booty drive-bys. Stopping by their place at 2 a.m. because you don’t have their number or your phone is dead is generally a terrible idea. We’ll bet you a hundred bucks they’re either fast asleep or entertaining someone else.

7. Be thoughtful with your calls. Before you make a booty call, think about what’s going on with your intended: Do they have a big project they’re preparing for? Do they have to get up early? Are they already asleep? Are they stone cold sober? Do they have family visiting? Did their pet just die? If the answer is yes, you might want to think twice about hitting “send.”

8. Engage in booty, not brunch. When daylight hits, you can test the waters for morning sex (not likely) but don’t push your luck by requesting breakfast (especially not in bed).


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20 Comments on "8 Rules of the Booty Call"


LaylamArie
2 years 9 months ago

ALSO LADIES, just because you are gorgeous, and he hooks up with a troll now and then, don’t take it personal…I made that mistake and then slapped myself in the head. He liked me on his arm when in filet mignon fantasy mode. She was the hamburger mode now and then.

Brittany
3 years 2 months ago

The trick to a perfect booty call:
Having them come over when you want to/ meet up at your call
Knowing they are safe sex partners
Having feelings of friendship and attraction but alas there are bigger reasons one of you doesn’t want to commit
You like sex and don’t hang out too long after/ leave in the morning
NO followup you just wait and chill.
Rotate your booty calls, time goes by its a revolving door act and its fun
allows you to not be attached and carry on with being an individual with
sexual liberation

Kelley
3 years 2 months ago

I don’t think there is anything gross about it if you are both single, but I just don’t care for someone calling/texting me up out of the blue for sex. It makes me feel used and like a piece of meat.

I won’t be upset with them, but I will say “no thanks”. I certainly don’t condemn others however.

I think some people get upset when they think a booty call or one night stand doesn’t turn into a relationship, because they don’t seem to understand booty call is just sex.

rustufer
3 years 3 months ago

Solid list of pointers.The people that are anti booty call do not realize that alot of people do not associate love and feelings with sex.Some people are unloveable, or afraid to get hurt;others just like variety.I prefer a monogomous relationship, for many reasons, but being a chef that works 60 hours a week I am stuck with dating, and the occasional booty call.

Zee
3 years 3 months ago

LOL, wow, looks like a group of you have no life….Ok, looks like you have a very sheltered life. I guess to each their own but damn!

I have had 3 on Friday, 4 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. Granted that is not the norm but still, when it is all said and done I think I will be glad to look back down the road and give myself a high-five rather then sit and ponder over all the what-ifs. Geez people live a little. (I never said not to be safe while doing it though)