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photo of Old Faithful by Chuck Martin
Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do men think about female ejaculation?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Good question but hard to answer. I think the most important thing you can say about female ejaculation is that the best-selling book that introduced the idea of G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation, The G Spot: And Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality, has a whole chapter devoted to the principle that “the best is the enemy of the good.” The authors worried specifically that if people obsess over having or (worse, I think) giving G-spot orgasms, they’re likely to wind up disappointed with their ordinary old eye-rolling, breathtaking, toe-curling ones.
I’ve had sex with a couple of partners who “squirt” at least some of the time. And while obviously everyone’s mileage varies, I never got the impression from them that those orgasms were any more enjoyable, or less, than the “regular” kind.
Straight Single Guy (David Grossman): Female ejaculation is the greatest compliment a woman can give to her partner. It doesn’t take much to make a man climax, but being able to make a woman ejaculate is a skill and an honor.
Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Ew.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. David Grossman recently graduated from Stony Brook University in New York; this week’s Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
July 26th, 2011 at 11:14 am
Totally awesome.
July 27th, 2011 at 11:36 am
“Female ejaculation is the greatest compliment a woman can give to her partner. ”
Oh, way to put pressure on any woman who “fails” to ejaculate. I’m quite happy just being able to orgasm normally thank you. It took me a while to learn and the pressure was pretty intense: I felt wrong and broken and confused. I wanted so badly to show how much I enjoyed it.
Now I orgasm, but I do it for me, not as some sort of trophy to my partner. By all means we can go for trying to make me ejaculate. But the greatest compliment I give my man is that I choose to spend all my life with him.
July 28th, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Agreed Matbo!
I don’t believe that every woman is “capable” of ejaculating. I don’t feel the NEED to do so, in any case. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, also great.
No. More. Pressure. Sex is FUN.
July 28th, 2011 at 1:27 pm
I agree with Sex Fairy. It might be something that any woman can ‘learn,’ but I think there’s a small percentage of ‘natural squirters’ out there. Of 10 sex partners I’ve had, only one squirts. And she does it when orgasming, regardless of whether the simulation is g-spot, clitoral, or vaginal.
That said, I think it’s awesome.
July 28th, 2011 at 2:47 pm
It just happened for my wife years ago when we started dating, first time for her and for me. We know what positions/pressure work for us but if she isn’t totally chilled then it won’t happen. When she squirts though it is seriously special and it just seems like the most intense orgasms – makes me jealous to be a man. You know you’ve had a good night when you have to sleep on towels just to keep dry
July 28th, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I know guys appreciate the visual, knowing they’ve helped bring their lady to orgasm, but seriously. As others have said, cut it out with the pressure. What you may not realize, though I know this may be a tremendously difficult concept to grasp, is that women can have spectacular orgasms -without- ejaculation. Yes, orgasm can be reached without squirting. I know it may be hard to believe, but it’s true! And it still feels like an orgasm. Crazy, I know.
July 30th, 2011 at 1:32 am
You know, David also just put it entirely on the guy to be able to do it. Since it’s so easy to get a guy off and all, and women are just so hard to figure out. We don’t come with blueprints or a handbook or a legend or anything. I like to think of as Manifest Destiny. Well, Womanfest Destiny. If you make it to the ocean, you’ve proved yourself an experienced explorer endowed with strength and integrity; but if you die trying to ford a river, you’re just an idiot who didn’t know to bring an extra pair of wellies.
From now on, I’m just going to assume that if I don’t ejaculate, it’s because my partner isn’t skilled or honorable enough. Sweet, no more pressure! Thanks, David!
August 2nd, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I always thought the female ejaculation was a porn trick and not something that happened in reality. I noticed guys posting on adult sites seeking women that were capable of it because they wanted to be a part of it too. It was an urban legend to them too.
Then I came across a man that told me it’s all in what knowledge the man possesses and that every woman is capable of it at the right hands. Fantastic! I no longer needed to think I was an orgasm failure for not being able to experience it, I was just with clueless men.
From the personal experience that followed, I concur. The man is the one that needs to know what he is doing to please the woman to make female ejaculation a reality for her. I’ve been with one man skilled enough to make it happen and he blew me away. I didn’t think I had anything left to learn about my body but I was wrong. So all you men that want to be with a woman that experiences such an orgasm I suggest you do a lot of research and take it upon yourself to make it happen… all she needs to do is relax and enjoy the ride.
Knowledgable men get rewarded, lazy and stupid ones do not.
August 4th, 2011 at 12:34 am
I too thought it was a porn trick! I need to know more….
August 4th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I personally don’t like women who squirt. I don’t find it exciting or feel validated sexually if a woman does that when she is with me.
When a woman squirts it is not as lubricated, it always seems to take away from the connection we are having because she is shooting this liquid all over my pelvic area and I just don’t really care for it, it actually turns me off. To me, when a woman squirts she is metaphorically dousing the fire that was created between us.
I would even stop seeing a girl who squirts, there are plenty of other men out there who would appreciate her for that but not me.
August 4th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Female Ejaculation is the utmost selfless act that a woman can give her partner. There is no denying that she been sexually satisfied. It is beautiful when my wife ejaculates. She is in a whole new world when she cums like that either by clitoris or intercourse. It’s simply amazing. Thanks for letting me share my prospective on the matter. Happy Female Ejaculation Everyone! : )
August 5th, 2011 at 2:57 pm
c’mon – theres no such thing as female ejaculation-you can get wet as hell,but there is no physical “seeing” evidence of a womans ejaculate. i know its a womans world out there, but you come by nerve endings only. so quit magnafying this old wives tale and accept it for what it is. ’nuff said-period.
August 7th, 2011 at 2:40 pm
How ignorant of you. Of course women can ejaculate. At least most women can. I made my girlfriend do it just the other night and she’s made me do it before too. I think it’s great. Makes me feel accomplished almost.
August 15th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
the first time i ever ejaclated my husband was so happy. he wanted me to have one every single time we have sex. at first i was embarassed and worried that something was wrong with me. but after read other women experiencing this, it is a sexual exciting to make my husband feel great and he makes me feel great also. it happens when he gives me oral too. ladies it is great, and i am in my early 40′s. so every women can have one, just be upfront with your partner and experiment on different things and tell them what makes you climax, talking and communicating with them is the key. happy sexual events in your lives.
September 16th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
I am a squirter, so for those who doubt it, it’s real!
It is an amazing experience, I first did it masturbating and was embarrassed by it, but I knew it wasn’t urine. Then I could only achieve it when riding until I met a guy who is very skilled and aware of female pleasure zones. My advice to all that feel pressured to achieve it is to loosen up and open your mind to it. Enjoy!
January 18th, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Hello… Yes, it very much exists, for around 20 years in my case! Dont ask me how its done or why we seem to be in the minority because i dont know! It is lovely when it happens especially if you are aware your partner finds it a turn on.. I tend to pre-warn as i gather its not for everyone, but i have never had any negativity about it. Saying that i would really like to point out that i have also had the most mindblowing & enjoyable sex without it happening at all, there are different types of orgasm & wouldnt like to think any man out there is beating himself up because his partner doesnt produce the wet stuff! I can honestly say its just different, not better than a “normal” orgasm… So go forth & please your ladies without the added pressure!
January 18th, 2012 at 6:45 pm
It is nice when it happens but so is any orgasm, or so my partner tells me. She also is able to ejaculate occasionally, but has no real control over how and when.
February 5th, 2012 at 9:25 pm
It’s interesting how many men think it’s their skill that somehow makes a woman have orgasm (never mind ejaculate). The truth is that a woman has to truly “let go” to orgasm. She will let go if she TRUSTS her partner. If she feels nurtured and nourished emotionally in a relationship, she is more likely to completely let go. That’s why most women who squirt with masturbation dont always do in a relationship. In discussion with girlfriends we’ve come to the same conclusion – we only give 100% sexually when we know he is committed 100% to our wellbeing through good times & bad. So it’s really not about the size of the penis or technique guys. It’s about your relationship skills. That can be a good thing guys.
February 6th, 2012 at 2:34 pm
I couldn’t agree more with you Victoria. It is absolutely true for me that I can only orgasm when I have ‘let go’ and that means I must trust my partner. I have never had any orgasms with any men apart from my current boyfriend and he has the smallest penis of all of them. I find it sad that women are feeding into this myth that men have to have 8 inches and this magical ‘skill’. It is nothing to skill! Technique is something you should negotiate with your partner but ultimately if a woman trusts her partner she is much more likely to orgasm.
February 25th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
I’ve been squirting my whole life. Before I was sexually active, I could achieve this. After becoming sexually active, I only started squirting with a partner who could do it to me. Now that I’ve recognized and understood what is going on in my body, its almost impossible not to ejaculate when I orgasm! Its practically a problem because it is so messy. Ladies, if you’re having trouble, just relax as much as possible and practice. Let your partner know what works. Then blow him away with your newfound power! But be careful, wate r loss is a serious issue in this department, and all the excessive moisture is a breeding ground for unfriendly bacteria. The biggest thing to remember is that you’re not going to pee.your body is in “sex” mode. many women confuse the pressure previous to ejacuation with needing to urinate because we were conditioned to expect pee when we were children and were potty trained. It is indeed not a myth! From an experienced ejaculator
March 6th, 2012 at 5:53 am
The girls that don’t enjoy a squirting orgasm means they are getting the best of it. I consider my self a master of giving a girl the best orgasm of their life! I can do it on command and to every woman. My record is 1.5 seconds! Next one is 3 seconds. 10 seconds is pretty normal. I’ve counted and given girls 30 second gushing waterfall orgasms. They beg for it, they want me to do it over and over again! My partners are 100% confident they will have several squirting orgasms in one session! Its super simple to do and everyone acts like its a strange mystery…I’ve been told by several women to insure my fingers because they are magic fingers and they don’t want anything to happy to my precious hands! A true compliment…I aim to please cause that’s our jobs guys! Get a hint!
March 6th, 2012 at 6:02 am
Oh and to Victoria, I fully disagree. Most girls I’ve made squirt didn’t know they could or only have once or twice and didn’t realize what was going on. Most girls can not do it themselves but I can make the girls squirt on command. So in that case, it is skill because they can’t make their self squirt so they call me specially cause I can make them squirt. Even girls that know what I’m doing can not explain to their next partner so he can do it, so they always come back to me. They know its a button and I’m very good at finding the button and hitting it just right to make every girl squirt. I’m a guy and it’s really crappy to still hear the stories where guys are all about themselves in bed. Makes me think of how disappointed their wives are in bed. I read how guys can make their girl squirt but on command if a whole different ball game…that’s where it takes time to master
March 21st, 2012 at 1:40 am
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Dr-Laura-Berman-on-Female-Ejaculation-Video