Your Call: Do I Need to Sleep with Someone New to Get Over My Ex?

photo by Morning_theft

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I broke up with my boyfriend almost three months ago, the reason we broke up is because he was “scared” of having a commitment. I’m still trying to work out my feelings towards him and trying to move on. The thing is, I’m not sure how I can move on. One friend of mine said that the only way to truly get over a guy is to get with another guy. Do you think that is necessary true? I don’t think that is true. I haven’t been with another person since my ex, but I have never been the type of person to hook up with random guys. Yet, do you think it’s true that I need to be with someone else to finally get my ex out of my head?

— Hung Up

What should H.U. do?


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13 Comments on "Your Call: Do I Need to Sleep with Someone New to Get Over My Ex?"


the_unforgiven
3 years 10 months ago

No.

Lily
3 years 11 months ago

It helps if you hook up with someone (seemingly) awesome but not just a random one nighter. Even if the new dude ends up being yet another elusive lover, you’ll have someone new to obsess about.

Kara
3 years 11 months ago

You don’t consider yourself the type for casual hookups, so maybe this approach isn’t for you–it could distract you, but is focusing on a sexual encounter you regret any better than focusing on the ex?

On the other hand, if you approach it the right way, it could turn out well. You should never have sex with someone simply because you want to get over an ex, but if you have someone in mind and things develop naturally enough, it might be just the kick in the pants you need to get over the old boyfriend. A new beau will certainly remind you that you’re still hot and worth wanting (and that you’re also capable of desiring other people).

Dominique
3 years 11 months ago

If that is the sole reason for getting with someone else, then no. Maybe due to me being in many back to back relationships during my late teens, I find it to be very emotionally draining and confusing to the heart and mind.

Coralie
3 years 11 months ago

I had the most dreadful breakup and tried everything I could think of to get over it. Nothing worked and I was like this sad little shell – for TWO YEARS. Needless to say, I’m not the type to sleep around for the sake of it and I’m very, very picky about who I get with.

I went on holiday, met this guy I got on well with and, while under normal circumstances I probably would have just been friends with him, something made me go for it. It was just what I needed and it lifted my mood like nothing else because:

a) After all that time I REALLY needed to get laid – I’d just been too depressed to realise it.
b) I knew I would never ever have to see the guy again.
c) It gave me something/someone new to think/fantasise/talk about.
d) It’s nice to know someone finds you attractive.

I know other people who swear by it too – my beautician had a smiliar story where she got her heart broken, moped for a year and then slept with her neighbour. She said she burst into tears afterwards and couldn’t speak to him again – but she also calls that experience her ‘exorcism’. I dunno precisely why it works but it does.

There are some provisos:

a) It has to be sex – NOT a relationship.
b) If you haven’t spent time figuring out your feelings/going though your grieving process etc, I don’t think it will help as much.

You say you’re still figuring out your feelings, so maybe you aren’t quite ready yet. It’s not a fix, exactly, but an important and beneficial part of the process of getting over someone. You need to do the other stuff first. It’s boring but it works in the end and you’ll feel better for it. Good luck.